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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
Shedoesntgetthatfromme · 18/09/2016 09:39

I'm totally with you on this OP, and I'm amazed so many people on here think it's ok. As a PP said, it's low level bullying. All sorts of terrible behaviour are excused in the name of 'humour'.

30percentoff · 18/09/2016 09:48

YANBU it's unintelligent and time wasting

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 09:51

It's a thing some men do. I don't know why. My BIL does it all the time. He doesn't mean any harm, he just has no sense of humour, though he thinks he does. I've learned to look blankly at him and repeat my request slowly.

Men who do this often repeat catchphrases from comedy shows too. The alleged humour of The Fast Show was entirely based on it, and I wanted to kill whenever I heard: 'Suits you, sir!' or 'Today, I will mainly be wearing...', but thankfully it has passed now.

I wouldn't call it bullying. Irritating, yes...

Amandahugandkisses · 18/09/2016 09:53

Can't bear this type of "humour". It's horrible.
I suppose it equips a child for life in the sense that it teaches them some people are just jerks.

powershowerforanhour · 18/09/2016 09:58

I remember being laughed at groups of adults- usually my own extended family- when I was confused by this type of joke as a child and took it literally. My mum used to get a bit exasperated if I got upset as it kind of ruined the good big laugh everyone was getting and it would have been much more socially comfortable for everyone if I had just laughed along or at least not shown my discomfort with the situation- "You've got to learn to take a joke".
Mind you she was advocating "leave her to cry- she's got to learn or she'll be spoilt" when my daughter was 10 days old and has reiterated this advice several times since. Along with the comments, "she's got you wrapped around her little finger/ she's got a self satisfied smile now" when the baby has settled on being picked up (she's 5mo old now).

Willowesd · 18/09/2016 09:59

If your child takes things too literally it's up to you to teach them not to! Otherwise how on earth will they cope with life? No it's not a funny joke but you deal with it because these people are always going to exist and that is part of living in a society with God forbid people who don't think like you do. Jesus Christ. A generation of children with tears in their eyes when someone says the TV is going to be switched off and the parent having to 'intervene'? Are you serious?

NorbertDentressangle · 18/09/2016 10:07

I don't like this sort of humour either. I've seen many a child look confused, anxious or tear up in the sort of situation you describe in the OP.

In fact I vividly remember as a child asking the ice cream van man for a Funny Face (type of ice cream lolly for those who don't remember them) and he kept replying " you've already got one" . I really didn't understand the joke and was so confused. I can still remember that awkward, anxious feeling of not knowing what was going on.

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 10:07

It might be a useful life lesson. I bought something for £2 the other day and gave £10. I got £2 change. When I pointed it out, he got flustered and gave me the correct £8 change. It was an itemised bill with the correct change written on it. Maybe he was trying to cheat me or maybe he just looked at the wrong line.

I automatically apologised, as you do...

Joan0fArc · 18/09/2016 10:11

YANBU

No idea how the thread went but my son is very literal, and I often had to tip him off ''the man is joking''.

limitedperiodonly · 18/09/2016 10:14

I vividly remember as a child asking the ice cream van man for a Funny Face (type of ice cream lolly for those who don't remember them) and he kept replying " you've already got one" . I really didn't understand the joke and was so confused. I can still remember that awkward, anxious feeling of not knowing what was going on.

I can remember that feeling. It's not a nice feeling but mostly it is just a joke and something I've managed to come to terms with.

When my nephew was about 7 he would get furious at people laughing because he thought they were laughing at him. My sister made a serious attempt to stop us laughing at things - not him, just things - and making jokes that he didn't understand because it upset him.

She has no fucking sense of humour. Luckily, he's grown up and has a very good one that's not based on being annoying, endlessly repeating random catchphrases or teasing people.

Fuck knows where he got it - he didn't have the most promising start with parents like my sister and BIL.

KERALA1 · 18/09/2016 10:15

Willow if they very young they are actually not capable of understanding no matter effectively they are "taught" Hmm

Agree with others comments - maybe power play or just slightly inadequate men who don't know how to interact with children.

VioletBam · 18/09/2016 10:21

I also hate it. I hate it when cashiers say "Oh that looks nice, can I have a bite?" to children with icecreams or something. I hate that nasty tricky humour that's not actually humour at all.

AGruffaloCrumble · 18/09/2016 10:21

*How are some of these DC going to manage in the BIG WIDE WORLD?

When they can't handle some bloke in a shop having a lame joke?*

This would have given me a panic attack. I have severe anxiety and struggle to leave the house by myself, let alone complete a transaction by myself. A joke like that at my expense would rock me for a while and I wouldn't go back into the shop again. No, I can't manage in the big wide world. Thanks for being so condescending.

magratvonlipwig · 18/09/2016 10:21

No way was that Bullying.
It wasn't a funny joke but if your child was worried for only one or two seconds neither is it that dreadful ...
Let it go!

Rachel0Greep · 18/09/2016 10:23

I would not like it. Teasing ( don't like that word, but can't think of another) a small child, in that way, is not funny, in my opinion.

Madmotherof4 · 18/09/2016 10:23

About 10 yrs ago, when my youngest DS was 4 a woman on the playground said to him "I saw you pick your nose in the car" he replied "no I wasn't, I scratched my nose" and he actually wasn't as he was sitting in front waiting to collect DD from a school trip. Anyway she carried on thinking it was funny winding him up. I was just about to say to her give it a rest as I could see he was annoyed and a little embarrassed as other parents were around and with that he pipes up loudly "and you're fat" (which she actually was). Well was she pissed 😕 I did tell him off for saying it but I was actually secretly pleased and felt wrong telling him off. A couple of months later she told me how much HE had upset her! I told she had actually upset him too but if it made her feel any better, he was told off, not for speaking the truth but for being rude to an adult.

HandbagCrab · 18/09/2016 10:24

I don't like randoms trying to take the piss out of me so I certainly wouldn't appreciate one trying to do so from my four year old. Buying something in a shop with real money yourself is a big deal when you are four. There's enough learning going on without also having to deal with someone's utter lack of sense of humour that they are foisting upon you. Everytime we plaster on a fake smile or pretend to go along with it then it's encouragement for people to carry on.

If my dc was getting crap off the same person in b and m I would ask to speak to their manager. They could then save their hilarious witticisms for someone who obviously appreciates them, rather than my child who does not.

I am of the opinion that if the person who is the butt of the joke is not genuinely finding it funny then it's not a joke or banter or just someone having a laugh.

confuugled1 · 18/09/2016 10:27

The thing is if they really wanted it to be a joke that was funny, they could say 'Shall we call that a million pounds please?' with a big smile on their face and a comment about wishing they had a million pounds and it would be obvious that they were trying but not necessarily succeeding to be funny, because there's no way that it would ever be a million pounds.

Or to say 'who ordered the pizza with no diamonds/dinosaurs on?' and then do an 'you're in luck, we've got one here and it's got no tomatoes as well as no diamonds/dinosaurs on'.

But to say an amount that is close enough to be a real price and think you're not going to be able to afford it or feel cheated, or worry that your pizza is going to have to be sent back because they've screwed up your special order is just plain mean.

dentydown · 18/09/2016 10:30

Someone did this to me in my 20s. I had to get a lot of keys cut for some reason (50 pound was the bill). "I have a lot of keys to be cut, do you still do them while you wait" Bloke replied "nah, in a week". So my autistic brain took it at face value and walked out and went to another shop!

NavyandWhite · 18/09/2016 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GingerIvy · 18/09/2016 10:37

Neither of my children with special needs would understand, and it's very likely it would have triggered a meltdown. I have working with them for years on this by you can't "train" autism out of a child. We had to deal with a 30 minute meltdown once because a play place person thought it was amusing to hide my son's trainers and tell him they were missing. He was well aware my son was autistic. We can't go back there now as my son gets agitated if it's even suggested. It's really not funny.

AGruffaloCrumble · 18/09/2016 10:39

By being condescending about not being able to manage in the "BIG WIDE WORLD". Some children just can't. Some adults just can't. I struggle daily with the fact that I'll never be able to communicate properly. People throwing around terms like "special snowflakes" are just as bad.

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 10:39

"I have a lot of keys to be cut, do you still do them while you wait" Bloke replied "nah, in a week

TBH - if someone said that, then most people would probably take that at face value and leave.

NavyandWhite · 18/09/2016 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GingerIvy · 18/09/2016 10:44

As most children aren't wearing a sign saying "I have special needs" perhaps people could just use common sense and save their unkind teasing for those they know are able to "get it."

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