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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
HeyRobot · 20/09/2016 08:49

It's ok limited I've survived. Did I sound traumatised? Everyone has been saying 'he was just tying to be funny, he didn't mean any harm' and painting people who think these jokes as funny as offended when they're just bored.

My experience is that it's the jokers who are sensitive about it. It wasn't hellish, I just laughed it off, it was the other guy who was upset!

Pagwatch · 20/09/2016 08:53

The jokes aren't funny. People have been talking about them as if they are borderline traumatising for the child.
It's not one or the other. They are not funny but really really not a big deal.

If they are a big deal then frankly there are bigger fish to fry

MerchantofVenice · 20/09/2016 08:56

Generally, no, the joke isn't 'harmful'.

But what about manners? We'd all agree it's right to say 'please' and 'thank you' etc - after all, good manners cost nothing. .. Well, it costs even less to not make stupid, boring jokes. You literally just have to not do it. It's bad manners to be a gigantic crashing bore and try to make every social interaction about your 'humour'.

KERALA1 · 20/09/2016 09:01

Exactly merchant totally agree.

Yes it isn't a "big deal" few have said it is - but thanks to op for pointing this out. Do it if you want but we will not facilitate it to make you feel better at the expense of our young children.

Gottagetmoving · 20/09/2016 09:06

There are children in the world having things done to them that are massively traumatising and horrific.
In this Country we have people getting annoyed and offended by someone teasing their child or even being tedious or boring 'at their 'expense' ( ha ha)
I think some people should get over themselves and need a reality slap.

Ego147 · 20/09/2016 09:12

There are children in the world having things done to them that are massively traumatising and horrific

Ahh. The awful things are happening in the world so people can't post about things that happen here argument.

It's what people say when people discuss sexism, homophobia etc in this country. (not that this is like that)

But it's the same argument.

Gottagetmoving

Are you going to post that comment on the many AIBUs where you think people should get over themselves about minor issues? There's loads to choose from. Parking threads, handbrake threads etc

Kkmuppet · 20/09/2016 09:24

Ok so it's not abuse and it's not traumatic as such but I am 45 and still vividly remember how awkward and stupid I felt as a young child when my friends brother used to 'joke' like this with me. It does have an impact and it's not funny. It's not serious but it does matter!

NavyandWhite · 20/09/2016 09:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Only1scoop · 20/09/2016 09:29

Agree gottage,

Wouldn't even register it.

MerchantofVenice · 20/09/2016 09:30

That is very traumatic Navy and you have my utmost sympathy for your and your children's loss.

It has absolutely nothing to do with this issue, of course, as I'm sure you're aware

The old 'there are worse things' argument is totally spurious and useless. There are always worse things. Does it mean we let everything bar actual abuse/death just slip under the radar?

We (generally) correct bad manners in our children because we believe that matters. All we're saying here is that we consider some behaviour to be bad manners and we don't like it. We're not trying to compare it to actual trauma (obviously).

Only1scoop · 20/09/2016 09:32

Blimey imagine if 'game for a laugh' got aired these days....

Only1scoop · 20/09/2016 09:33

Blimey imagine if 'game for a laugh' got aired these days....

NavyandWhite · 20/09/2016 09:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RosaliesGinBottle · 20/09/2016 09:38

Nicely illustrated here in this thread: the Offended Jokers. OP: Isn't this an annoying thing? Why do people do it? Jokers: JEEZ no sense of HUMOUR or PROPORTION omg your KIDS are such special SNOWFLAKES.

If I make a joke and it falls flat, I think about how I could have told it better, or not told it at all. I don't blame the hearer for not getting it. I especially don't blame a child. Or frankly, anyone, given the quality of my jokes.

Gottagetmoving · 20/09/2016 09:39

Ahh. The awful things are happening in the world so people can't post about things that happen here argument

Of course they can post, but it shows how bloody unaware they are that their concerns are trivial. The degree of offence and concern is totally ridiculous.

Are you going to post that comment on the many AIBUs where you think people should get over themselves about minor issues? There's loads to choose from. Parking threads, handbrake threads etc

Some of those are logical issues, no, not on every one.
Most of the threads about how terrible life is whensomething ridiculous makes a child get upset,..probably yes.

Gottagetmoving · 20/09/2016 09:40

Blimey imagine if 'game for a laugh' got aired these days

Grin
FullTimeYummy · 20/09/2016 09:42

"the worse things exist argument is spurious"

Nope, not in this case it isn't. Worse things absolutely will happen the that child, so if the OP has ensured that they are so ill equipped that they cannot deal with a simple misdirection gag, then their life is going to be one long, extremely upsetting, car crash.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 20/09/2016 09:42

My father used to be a builder and he took me to his construction site when I was around seven to show me what he did. My trip to site also included a ride in the big lorry to the building suppliers where a load of sand had to be collected. Once everything had been loaded on the back of the truck The driver sent me into the office to pick up the invoice and also asked me to get 'four spare bubbles' for the spirit level. For the invoice no problem but I remember everyone pissing themselves laughing and asking if I wanted some spare padlock holes to go with the bubbles, I was not sure so nipped back out to the driver to ask, he said yes to the padlock holes and added two skirting board ladders and some tartan paint to the order as well, wanting to be helpful I marched back into the office to confirm the padlock holes and add the other items to the order. So back and forth I went, sky hooks, buckets of steam, long weights etc I thought it was terribly exciting working with grown ups. Finally got back to site where my dad asks how I got on and I told him how the building supplies were rubbish as they only had sand and none of the other items requested by the driver. My father asked if I was going to be the title character in the Jack and the Beanstalk play my school was putting on, took me a while to get all the jokes that day. Its a miricle i made it to adulthood without killing puppies or keeping heads in my freezer!

Lweji · 20/09/2016 09:42

Of course they can post, but it shows how bloody unaware they are that their concerns are trivial. The degree of offence and concern is totally ridiculous.
Funnily enough, I get the feeling that the OP knows her concern was trivial. It's pps like this that should be aware that their concern for how trivial an OP is or not IS just as much trivial or less, and yet get OTT on the OP. It's very amusing.

MerchantofVenice · 20/09/2016 09:47

Yeah, it's not actually about whether it's trivial (relatively speaking, it is trivial; of course it is). It's about whether it's annoying.

I guess some of us find it annoying and some don't. No need to bring all the 'there are worse things' into it. We know there are.

NavyandWhite · 20/09/2016 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gottagetmoving · 20/09/2016 09:53

Funnily enough, I get the feeling that the OP knows her concern was trivial. It's pps like this that should be aware that their concern for how trivial an OP is or not IS just as much trivial or less, and yet get OTT on the OP. It's very amusing

OP does. yes. However, many other posters have turned it into a traumatic and horrific concern.
They are the ones my post were aimed at - not the OP.

How amusing you got that wrong.

AGruffaloCrumble · 20/09/2016 09:55

I've posted several times explaining how these stupid remarks affects someone with anxiety or SN and no one seems to want to acknowledge it and keep making really insensitive comments about how people who are sensitive to these things will end up unable to function in society. Anxiety is extremely common and it's not a case of 'just sucking it up' or 'teaching your kids to be resilient.' What are you missing out on by choosing not to mislead someone in a conversation?

AGruffaloCrumble · 20/09/2016 09:56

Also, none of the people saying it's annoying have called for the "jokes" to be banned or anything, they are just expressing a dislike for them. Why are people getting so het up about someone having a differing opinion?

Only1scoop · 20/09/2016 09:57

And vice versa