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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate it when men 'joke' like this.

647 replies

KindergartenKop · 17/09/2016 19:29

Maybe it's not always men but I've never experienced a woman who has done this.

So today I took DS1 to a charity shop. He picked two books at 50p each. I gave Ds a pound coin. The man at the till took the books and said, 'That's four pounds please'. Ds looked worried and the man said 'Only joking, it's one pound'. We paid and left.
I've had people say this sort of thing to me so often and it always beffuddles me and makes me feel stupid. Am I the only person who attracts this form of idiocy? Aibu to be pissed off that this man worried my son? It's not fucking funny!

OP posts:
Ego147 · 19/09/2016 16:44

I don't keep telling them to "get over it

You did say you tell them not to let it get to them. Don't you think it it's saying the same thing?

And what if it is getting to them? Telling someone not let things get to them or upset them when it is getting to them can - in my view - be seen as dismissing it.

If I was upset and someone told me not to let what someone did / said get to me, I am not sure that would help me with my feelings.

NavyandWhite · 19/09/2016 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ego147 · 19/09/2016 16:53

I'm bemused at your interest in my parenting style where my DC's lack of offence at being the target of a joke is concerned

It's great you've built them up to be like that. I just hope it lasts for them as it's a crap world out there and people can say many hurtful things. I - like many other people - have heard 'stick and stones will break your bones but words can never hurt you' - and that's not true.

GingerbreadCake · 19/09/2016 16:54

That's not appropriate joke to make to a child I think it's cruel and I'd be embarrassed of he were to do that to me too. Some people are just twats! Good lesson for your son to learn.

Honeybadger83 · 19/09/2016 17:28

If you're trying to teach your child simple maths skills, something like this can really confuse them and knock their confidence. They are told the answer they had been sure of is suddenly wrong, and it can really derail them.

flatfoot · 19/09/2016 17:28

The curse of the middle class mum - absolutely no sense of humour and everyone is out to hurt dear DS...

Take a pill chill and imagine that the person behind the counter is giving up their time for free to help other people less fortunate than themselves and you and your son.

As far as I am concerned he can say anything he likes to my twin boys that isn't offensive - and the old "it's more expensive than you thought it is joke" is one I remember from my childhood days...

ILikeTrains · 19/09/2016 17:31

I do this, though I make the price ridiculously high so it's obviously wrong. £630000 for a chocolate bar for example. I've only ever had amused reactions from parents. I wonder if they then go home and moan about me on t'internet.

Ego147 · 19/09/2016 17:32

The curse of the middle class mum - absolutely no sense of humour and everyone is out to hurt dear DS

I must be stupid or something. What is so amusing about telling a child who has worked out (or been told) it's £1 and when the child gives £1, the assistant says it's £4.

Can you explain why that's funny?

MrJones1977 · 19/09/2016 17:32

I used to do things like that all the time when I worked in retail. Although I very rarely made such jokes to children, and if I did I'd ask for a ridiculous amount. For example, I'd loom at the till with mock shock and say 'those must be special books as they're a million pounds' with an obvious silly smile. It's a grey area, I have a McJob and we're trained to lower ourselves to the child's height to talk to them. Me, I stay standing and talk to them properly as the person they are(okay a bit off topic)
I think if he was obviously being silly then fine YAB(a little)U but if he was being dead pan serious then I can understand you being a annoyed as children don't generally understand that style of humour. But being annoyed about it any longer than 15 minutes after the fact is a bit much.

IrritableBitchSyndrome · 19/09/2016 17:33

A number of women of my acquaintance have upset my 3 year old with similar 'jokes', about taking her things, or pretending they think her meal is theirs, or similar banter. They mean well, and an older child might appreciate the joke and the playfulness, but she always cries and takes the 'threat' really seriously. It's not just men, and it is a shame when well meaning people try to play and upset children. I don't know if YABU or not so can't help there, sorry!

Ego147 · 19/09/2016 17:33

I wonder if they then go home and moan about me on t'internet.

They probably smile nicely and then tell their DC outside that you're being an idiot.

leapyearbaby · 19/09/2016 17:39

Totally with OP here. Not funny. Causes confusion and awkwardness. Can seriously knock a child's confidence when they are dipping their toes in independence.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 19/09/2016 17:43

You should have dead panned and handed over three more pounds. Then he would have looked like a twat when he had to explain the (un)funny joke.

Member251061 · 19/09/2016 17:46

Don't worry! It's just him being daft. Your son will have to get used to strange jokes & people in this world.

lukeymom · 19/09/2016 17:48

Not really had anyone do that to my son who is 7. I've given him money to by something at the till which would come to just over £1. I give him the correct change which I tell him but then he has stood there afterwards waiting for change. When the man says he can go and I tell him there wasn't no change.He would feel silly. It's understandable. But I can't imagine a 4 year old would get upset when the man said it was more than it was.Surely he wouldn't understand that just now. The time before when a man said he couldn't have something as a 'joke' I can see he would get upset then.

ILikeTrains · 19/09/2016 17:51

I wonder if they then go home and moan about me on t'internet.

They probably smile nicely and then tell their DC outside that you're being an idiot.

By all means say I was being silly, which would be correct. To tell a child I'm an idiot seems rather harsh. Ah well, shan't lose any sleep and I don't suppose I shall stop 'overcharging' either.

Pixielate · 19/09/2016 17:53

Bet he spends months on end making the same passive aggressive "joke" to get attention. Irritating as fuck. Should be locked in the stock room with Colin Hunt.

IzzyIsBusy · 19/09/2016 17:57

I have tried. Really i have.
But nope i cannot get worked up by this.
Sorry OP you are being precious.

Your DS will come across all kinds of humour as he wanders through life. Your job is to teach him to accept all humour is different and to move on.

Ego147 · 19/09/2016 17:58

Ah well, shan't lose any sleep and I don't suppose I shall stop 'overcharging' either

And then I'd probably go to a different shop where the staff treated all their customers with respect.

Yogimummy123 · 19/09/2016 18:04

It's not funny cos the 4 yo will remember & potentially be scared of going to the counter & pay in the future. Def not worth the "banter"

CoolCarrie · 19/09/2016 18:09

He is obviously an idiot to take the mick out of a 4 year old. I would be peed of as well.

pooh2 · 19/09/2016 18:10

YANBU I hate it when men do this. Most often to women or children, it never seems to happen to DH. I had a bus driver once 'joke' that the bus I was getting on didn't go to town, he said it was because I asked in a 'funny way' (I said 'can this bus take me to town please?'). I find it really unsettling and I'm glad it's not just me who doesn't like it.

ScepticalAnnie89 · 19/09/2016 18:12

I'm new to mumsnet and opened this post out of curiosity. I wish I hadn't bothered. What a load of drivel. Ok, so the shop asst was maybe a little inappropriate but seriously, you bothered to post this?!! Life is a series of negotiations, disappointments, up times, down times, joy times etc. If a mother is going to molly-coddle her child to this extent, then goodness help us all because the next generation will be a load of drips who can't handle the teensiest bit of perceived "hardship". Absurd. Ludicrous. Pathetic

Ego147 · 19/09/2016 18:14

Absurd. Ludicrous. Pathetic

You're going to love AIBU Grin

morewashing · 19/09/2016 18:17

Agreed that it's really irritating and can't understand what is funny about it.