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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To expect DH to eat his own food in a restraunt?

82 replies

PigInMuck86 · 17/09/2016 17:17

DH is allergic to milk and wheat which means we very rarely eat out. I'm vegetarian and on Monday its my 30th birthday and a new vegetarian restaraunt has opened near us with a fab menu and kids menu. My MIL and two nephews want to join us so i rang and asked about DH and they said they couldn't cater for him but were happy for him to bring his own. So i told DH and he got really angry. Apparantly I am selfish and he won't come if he has to eat his own food. It my fucking birthday surely i should chose where i want to go? For his 30th i arranged a steam train driver day and tea in a very expensive restaraunt which catered for DH but had no veggie options so the kids and I had chips. Would I be unreasonable to tell him to shove it and go? Or AIBU and intolerant of his dietry needs?

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 17/09/2016 17:19

Why can't you find a restaurant that caters to you all?

DoreenLethal · 17/09/2016 17:22

A veggie restaurant which doesn't cater for milk and wheat allergies?

I'd ring up and ask again.

iklboo · 17/09/2016 17:22

How on earth can a vegetarian restaurant not cater for wheat & dairy free?

CrohnicallyAspie · 17/09/2016 17:23

I think for your special birthday he should suck it up, just as you did for his.

Ordinarily I would say his needs trump yours, I'm afraid, because an allergy is more serious than a dietary preference, and almost all restaurants have a selection of veggie food but I have no idea about milk/wheat in foods because it's not advertised. And depending on the severity, I know cross contamination can be an issue.

But when it's your birthday, and a 'milestone' one at that, I think he could suck it up and either eat beforehand and just pick at a side dish (chips? ) or take them up on their offer and bring outside food in (could he order a meal to takeaway from his favourite restaurant?)

AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 17:23

Yes you are being selfish.

CrohnicallyAspie · 17/09/2016 17:25

Am I being thick here, but why would a veggie restaurant be likely to cater for milk and wheat allergy? Vegan would be good for a milk allergy sufferer, but vegetarians still eat dairy don't they?

And the issue might be the combination of allergies in their dairy free options have wheat and vice versa?

ohtheholidays · 17/09/2016 17:25

Tell him to suck it up,I'd remind him that you did for his birthday!

NapQueen · 17/09/2016 17:25

Not at all hibu.

He could always not come

rollonthesummer · 17/09/2016 17:25

Nice as it sounds-it's not much fun to have to make and bring your own food for what's supposedly be a nice rare treat out. Surely there's a restaurant nearby where you can both choose something from the menu?

gamerchick · 17/09/2016 17:27

No you are not OP. He should suck it up or organise your birthday like you did his.

Janek · 17/09/2016 17:34

Could he order a takeway to have? YANBU at all, but i can see that he would want a treat too, if you are eating out, not the normal stuff he could have any time.

Ontopofthesunset · 17/09/2016 17:35

The whole thing sounds rather odd. You went to a restaurant on his birthday where there were no vegetarian choices, just chips? And you would enjoy your birthday with your DH having to bring his own food?

Why don't you go with some friends to the vegetarian restaurant and go somewhere that can cater for everyone with your husband?

TaliDiNozzo · 17/09/2016 17:36

YANBU. He is being incredibly selfish and bratty. I get it's difficult for him, I have a close relative with exactly the same dietary issues, but it's your birthday and you've found a way for him to be accommodated.

It's not like he has to take sandwiches is it? He can pop into a suitable restaurant on the way and pick up some food for himself and eat it with you all.

Or alternatively, he could stay at home and sulk like a child.

MargaretCavendish · 17/09/2016 17:38

Do you not live in the UK? I'm just really surprised that you're finding places that won't put together a veggie or wheat/dairy-free option even with prior warning!

Ontopofthesunset · 17/09/2016 17:39

Have you tried this website? www.canieatthere.co.uk/ Don't know how reliable it is but you should be able to find a restaurant that suits you all.

Verbena37 · 17/09/2016 17:39

I'm guessing that even if he only had salad, they couldn't guarantee the restaurant kitchen being a wheat/milk free environment?
If he is highly allergic then that's totally understandable but if he is only intolerant, there would be no harm in eating salad or a very simple veggie dish not containing milk and wheat products.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/09/2016 17:41

I'm trying to get my head round the idea of a restaurant that can make a special meal for someone who can't eat wheat or dairy but won't provide vegetarian food. That seems very odd.

I second all those who said contact the restaurant again. It does seem most unlikely that a vegetarian restaurant can't provide a meal that has no dairy in it, given that they will surely be expecting to attract some vegans, and no wheat, given the massive popularity at the moment of gluten-free eating.

Artandco · 17/09/2016 17:44

Just leave him at home

MargaretCavendish · 17/09/2016 17:46

Gaspode I wonder if it was a steak restaurant? I have a no wheat no gluten friend who eats a LOT of steak and potatoes when we eat out. Thinking about it, steak and seafood places are also the very few places where I might expect to not find a vegetarian option on the menu.

RhiWrites · 17/09/2016 17:47

That's sad. Have you reminded him that you just ate chips on his birthday so he could have the dinner he wanted?

GoblinLittleOwl · 17/09/2016 17:51

Find this surprising: an expensive restaurant that doesn't offer a vegetarian option, and a vegetarian restaurant that can't cater for milk and wheat allergies.
Really?

AndNowItsSeven · 17/09/2016 17:51

It's not the same Rhi - the op can eat whatever food she likes she just chooses not to, her dh doesn't have that luxury.

RagamuffinCat · 17/09/2016 17:53

You are not being unreasonable. I am coeliac and lactose intolerant and it can be a pain to eat out, but if somewhere was happy for me to take my own food I would be relieved. He can just put it on a plate when he gets there and he won't stand out at all.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/09/2016 17:55

Yes, I suppose it could be a steakhouse, or fish restaurant, but if you were going out to an expensive place for a special occasion with several vegetarians in tow, what an odd choice. I can't remember the last time I ate anywhere in London that didn't have vegetarian offerings on the menu. Is it different outside London?

[That last remark is the kind of thing that results in Londoners getting pelted with mud and mangold wurzels when they venture out of the metropolis, I know.

HanYOLO · 17/09/2016 17:55

How severe is the allergy?
Do they mean they can't guarantee no cross-contamination?
Most vegetarian restaurants have vegan options - but if it is a small indie its unlikely that they can do entirely separate prep areas.

TBH eating out as a vegetarian is easy these days so I think its a pity not to pick somewhere else if you can. But go to the vegetarian place with someone else as well.

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