Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To expect DH to eat his own food in a restraunt?

82 replies

PigInMuck86 · 17/09/2016 17:17

DH is allergic to milk and wheat which means we very rarely eat out. I'm vegetarian and on Monday its my 30th birthday and a new vegetarian restaraunt has opened near us with a fab menu and kids menu. My MIL and two nephews want to join us so i rang and asked about DH and they said they couldn't cater for him but were happy for him to bring his own. So i told DH and he got really angry. Apparantly I am selfish and he won't come if he has to eat his own food. It my fucking birthday surely i should chose where i want to go? For his 30th i arranged a steam train driver day and tea in a very expensive restaraunt which catered for DH but had no veggie options so the kids and I had chips. Would I be unreasonable to tell him to shove it and go? Or AIBU and intolerant of his dietry needs?

OP posts:

BalloonSlayer · 17/09/2016 18:26

Meant to add that if I wanted to spend £££ on a meal in a restaurant for my family and they said they couldn't cater for some fairly common food allergies they can get stuffed, I'll take my custom elsewhere.

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 17/09/2016 18:27

Don't get how he is being ungrateful! He doesn't want to go out to eat because he technically has to cater for himself, which defeats the point in going out to eat in my opinion. Yes you went to a place that didn't cater for you, but he never asked for you to do that. It shouldn't be you've done something nice and in a way sort of demand he returns something you've done. That's not how nice surprises and gifts go.

MrsPnut · 17/09/2016 18:29

YADNBU, being a vegetarian even in the UK can be a miserable slog to find somewhere to eat out. The number of places that have a bare nod and provide mushroom stroganoff or veggie lasagne that have been microwaved are many. What is much rarer are the places that put vegetarian food first.
It's your birthday and you can go to a veggie restaurant if you want to. If there is nothing he can eat then he can stay at home with the chip on his shoulder.
I say this as a non vegetarian with dietary restrictions married to a vegetarian.

insancerre · 17/09/2016 18:34

Choose a different restaurant
Most restaurants have vegetation options
Good restaurants will cater for allergies

MoonfaceAndSilky · 17/09/2016 18:34

So for his 30th you and the DC ate just chips but he won't do the same for you?
YANBU, go without him

Marynary · 17/09/2016 18:40

So for his 30th you and the DC ate just chips but he won't do the same for you?
YANBU, go without him

He didn't make OP go to a restaurant that just served chips though. She chose it for some reason... There were probably plenty that would have catered for everyone.

PovertyPain · 17/09/2016 18:40

To those that are saying other places have veg options, that's all very well, but most of them serve up the same boring choices, restaurant after restaurant. Why can't the OP go to a restaurant that caters specially for vegetarians, with a more diverse menu, on HER birthday. Why must she eat the same boring shite again?

APlaceOnTheCouch · 17/09/2016 18:41

YANBU - it's your birthday and you prioritised him on his birthday . . .

But, saying that, my DB has the same allergies as your DH and I don't understand why a vegetarian restaurant can't provide a simple salad. It makes me wonder if your DH is annoyed because he thinks you didn't actually work through the different options when you called the restaurant but just jumped to 'he has to bring his own'.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/09/2016 18:43

Why the he'll can't he have a nice salad or something.

Is he one if these dick heads who doesn't think a meal is a meal without meat.

Must he loads of things like bean salads and coleslaw and potato salad etc,

Telling me he can't eat grilled vegetables or a soup or something?

Why should you always be stuck eating chips

PovertyPain · 17/09/2016 18:48

Where has the OP gone? Why am I beginning to worry that the DH posted this?

MrsHathaway · 17/09/2016 18:50

She chose the restaurant where she and the DC could only have chips so that DH could have his favourite food on his birthday.

He isn't prepared to return the favour.

YANBU.

PovertyPain · 17/09/2016 18:58

WHERE ARE YOU, OP?
wafts the smell of sliced apple and date pie, with vanilla Swedish glacé, in the hope that OP follows the scent back to the thread.

KC225 · 17/09/2016 19:02

I also think he is being a bit of a baby by not returning the favour you did for his birthday. But I do get that he may feel a but peeved at his the food he usually does. The whole point of eating out is to eat/try different foods to home. I think the suggestion of ordering something from a takeaway is a good one. Vegan curry could be good or a Waitrose do a great food delivery service and they cater for allergies.

CallarMorvern · 17/09/2016 19:03

He is a dick and being very unreasonable. There's a massive difference between a vegetarian restaurant and a meat eater's restaurant. It's a treat to go somewhere where you can choose anything off the menu, instead of a couple of grim choices, I don't think people ate appreciating that here. It's your birthday, it's one day, he's being very selfish.
You could make him something nice to take, or he could order a takeaway. What's his problem?

Crispbutty · 17/09/2016 19:07

I'm a chef and I can't believe a vegetarian restaurant is unable to provide a dairy or wheat free dish. I would ring again and speak to the chef.

Marynary · 17/09/2016 19:08

She chose the restaurant where she and the DC could only have chips so that DH could have his favourite food on his birthday.

She didn't say it was his favourite food or give any other reason for choosing the restaurant. She may have just booked somewhere without checking the menu first. For all we know, he may not have liked the restaurant either. I wouldn't enjoy eating somewhere if my spouse and children could only have chips.

crikey81 · 17/09/2016 19:12

I think it's fine for you to choose where to go but it's also fine for him to choose not to attend if it cannot cater for him in any way.

Having to avoid wheat and dairy makes it unlikely he can just grab a takeaway to take with him.

TipBoov · 17/09/2016 19:20

Personally I couldn't enjoy eating at a restaurant if the person I was with couldn't eat there and had to bring their own food.

Original poster

PigInMuck86 · 17/09/2016 19:22

Wow i posted this in post argument rage and wasn't expecting such a response!

Yes the restaraunt for DHs bday was a steak house. I sucked it up because of his allergies it is rare - coelic food is't fully gluten free, by law it can be advertised as gluten free while still containing small particles of gluten - to find somewhere he can safely eat. TBH i was amazed to find one place that could guarantee they used seperate areas and tools to cook and it was a rare treat to all eat out together.

And yes i chose to be veggie, he didn't chose to be allergic. I know its harder for him but just sometimes i get fucked off that it dictates my life. And the issue for me is the lack of choice and quality of veggie options. Especially where i live.

DH has offered a peace treaty that I go out with MIL (who oddly for mumsnet is one of ny best friends) and then he'll cook a birthday meal for the dcs and us another night. Complete with cake :-) As i do all of the cooking normally that will be a treat in itself. And as DH pointed out no DCs means MIL and I can as tipsy as we like.

OP posts:

OhYouBadBadKitten · 17/09/2016 19:26

perfect compromise :)

MarklahMarklah · 17/09/2016 19:27

Probably a bit late but my local Dominos does gluten-free bases. You can get pizza with no cheese on.
Zizzi do gluten-free pizzas and dairy-free cheese/vegan cheese.

I'm vegetarian and lactose-intolerant. I am frequently frustrated at how poor the options for food are in most places. On the plus side, I did have a delicious mushroom omelette with salad & chips at a local pub on Thurs.

MiddleClassProblem · 17/09/2016 19:30

At least it's solved.

I was going to suggest taking a look at the menu yourself and seeing if there were any dishes that looked safe then enquiring as a new restaurant, staff might just say that thinking you want a set thing cooked up or not be to grips with the menu themselves etc

But yay! And you get cake!

44PumpLane · 17/09/2016 19:37

OP sounds like you've both reached a perfect solution which is lovely- and it means you get to try a new restaurant and your DH doesn't feel put out.

I eat meat, fish, whatever but even I understand why you would want to go to a specifically Veggie restaurant for your special occasion. To all the posters saying that all restaurants offer a veggie option- I imagine it's just not the same.
When I go to a restaurant I can choose from everything on the menu, there is typically a lot of choice, but there may only be 2 or 3 (very standard) veggie dishes...... which I imagine gets boring. So for your birthday I don't think YABU OP.

MistressMerryWeather · 17/09/2016 20:00

Aww, look everything worked out nicely.

I hope you have a lovely time and the food is amazing OP.

nocoolnamesleft · 17/09/2016 20:00

Surely your DH could have avoided all this angst if he had got his arse in gear and returned the favour of organising your birthday treat?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread