To expect DH to eat his own food in a restraunt?

[PigInMuck86]

DH is allergic to milk and wheat which means we very rarely eat out. I'm vegetarian and on Monday its my 30th birthday and a new vegetarian restaraunt has opened near us with a fab menu and kids menu. My MIL and two nephews want to join us so i rang and asked about DH and they said they couldn't cater for him but were happy for him to bring his own. So i told DH and he got really angry. Apparantly I am selfish and he won't come if he has to eat his own food. It my fucking birthday surely i should chose where i want to go? For his 30th i arranged a steam train driver day and tea in a very expensive restaraunt which catered for DH but had no veggie options so the kids and I had chips. Would I be unreasonable to tell him to shove it and go? Or AIBU and intolerant of his dietry needs?

YANBU. He could eat before or after, and come along for the social occasion & just have an apple juice or some small suitable thing if he doesn't trust the restaurant (this IS exactly what I would do, for any special meal out, not just a significant birthday).

There is NO milk and wheat free veggie dish Really?? What no dish at all? Surely seen as its your birthday he could enjoy a salad of some sorts and eat again once home?

I wouldn't want to take my own food to a restaurant either as I'd feel uncomfortable.

Is there nowhere else you'd like to eat? That can cater for all.
Could you try this new place with friends and go somewhere else with your lo and dh?

HIBU to call you selfish and have a strop though.

Gawd I would be ecstatic that a restaurant gave the go ahead to allow me to eat a meal from another place in their restaurant. They are catering for him albeit in a non typical way.

I suspect they cannot guarantee there wont be cross contamination that's why they've said they can't cater for him. We get it a lot with nuts and they explain they can't guarantee even though they do follow safe practice iyswim.

he needs to suck it up tbh and be there for you.

Allergies are a pain in the arse. We have wheat, nut and egg here (and I can't digest fat too well) and know how difficult it can be but its just become a part of life that we may have to resort to just chips or for me Just a salad If they are fried!

As it's your birthday treat give him the task of finding a nice place that caters for all of you.

I am surprised a veggie restaurant can't cater to NO wheat or milk. Are you sure the person you spoke too understood properly?

I wouldn't take my own food to a restaurant as I'd feel silly. Could your DH eat a salad/stuffed pepper dish and then eat something else once his home?
Could you go to the new place with friends then somewhere you can both eat at with your DH?

It seems odd that there is no dairy free food. Surely they cater for vegans too?
I wouldn't be at all happy if I was your DH. Most restaurants serve vegetarian food and I am sure you can find one that does dairy free. I don't believe that you have tried too hard.

Why does she have to try that hard when it's her birthday treat?

Can't he have a salad?

Either way YANBU. He needs to wise up.

I'm guessing because its a new place its still finding its feet as well and with demand most likely will include some vegan options. No doubt its keeping its menu small an manageable for the first few weeks/months and doesn't want to promise a service it can't guarantee.

Im torn in this one.

I can see why your DH got so cross about it, but more that his own DM organised/suggested it to you without first checking it was suitable for her own DSs dietary needs, which suggests shes not quite beliebing/supportive of his situation - so to me, MIL is BVUR & that would have no doubt stung & added to his over reaction.

YABU for not understanding that, though YANBU for wanting to go & enjoy this family meal & wish him to come to.

That said, going solely for a meal for a birthday treat, is not the same as going for an activity as a birthday treat & eating whilst there as you did for DHs birthday, so YABU there too.

DHs is BU for kicking off so much, but I do think you need to cut him some slack & double check the restaurant staff got it right, as I agree it sounds off that they can't cater for 2 of the most common allergies & I think them offering that you bring a takeaway is pretty crap TBH.

If it were me, I would ask the restaurant to cater properly for DH, or I would take my business elswhere, so based on that, as much as I do understand your POV, I think YABU

I think YABU. Why would you not go somewhere suitable for you all?

I can't believe a restaurant won't cater for him, I can think of loads of food which is wheat and dairy free

Why does she have to try that hard when it's her birthday treat?

She doesn't have to try hard for her birthday treat. However, OP gives the impression that there is nowhere will cater for them all which seems highly unlikely.

is there really nothing he can have off the menu that's dairy and wheat free? does it need to be separate prep areas?

if he has a reaction to even a tiny exposure I think you are being unreasonable expecting him to take his own food, he hasn't chosen to be allergic and cant help it.

Can you save the trip to this restaurant until you can find someone who can enjoy it with you?

I don't know why I still get surprised when posters suggest that the vegetarian person organising a night out has to make sure they go to a meat restaurant. It's the OP's birthday, but she's expected to eat chips, because DH is sulking! Never mind, OP, if you're really lucky the restaurant you choose to accommodate your DH, on YOUR BIRTHDAY, might rustle you up a stir fry.

Let him sulk and enjoy your meal with your kids.

Perhaps she just means nowhere that caters for us all that she wishes to visit for her birthday treat

I honestly find it hard to imagine they can't rustle up something for him. If he's that allergic to cross contamination, surely he's at more risk in an ordinary restaurant? They would have dairy in most of the dishes.

I don't know why I still get surprised when posters suggest that the vegetarian person organising a night out has to make sure they go to a meat restaurant. confused It's the OP's birthday, but she's expected to eat chips, because DH is sulking! Never mind, OP, if you're really lucky the restaurant you choose to accommodate your DH, on YOUR BIRTHDAY, might rustle you up a stir fry.

The vast majority of restaurants have more vegetarian options than just chips though..

YWNBU to tell him to shove it.

It sounds like you went all out for his birthday so I don't see why he can't make this one sacrifice for you.

andnow Are you seriously saying that because she could have eaten meat it's her own fault that she only had chips?

Would you serve a vegetarian guest a steak and then complain they chose not to eat it?

Are the menus available online? You may be able to spot some items that don't involve milk or wheat.

I can't imagine any restaurant can guarantee absolutely no cross contamination and in any case that would apply to whatever restaurant he chose. It sounds as if he is just beng churlish because he can't eat meat on your birthday.

YANBU.

Can he not just eat the salad in a vegetarian restaurant?
If it were me, I'd be leaving him at home.

My DS1 is allergic to milk and eggs. I would never go for a meal, birthday or otherwise, in a restaurant which couldn't or wouldn't cater for him. Neither would my DH who is a veggie - birthday or no birthday.

DH would be happy to eat chips if it's the only place that DS1 could get something he likes.

In my view being unable to eat in certain places due to medical issues trumps being unwilling to eat in certain places due to lifestyle/ethical choices.

So it's a YABU from me.