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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Son too ill to go to uni today !

81 replies

ginorwine · 17/09/2016 09:33

Post for traffic
Feel really upset for him but kno for the best
But he v anxious will miss fresher week , friends etc
We where all geared up , computer packed , supermarket shop .
Can't settle
Hope it for the best n fingers crossed better by next week
It's a nasty virus

OP posts:

VioletBam · 17/09/2016 09:39

Fresher week is a period of hysteria with everyone running around like headless chickens trying to impress one another OR hiding in corners thinking everyone else is SO much more confident.

Tell him this. It's fact.

Tell him the friendships don't even begin to be made for a few weeks in reality and that he will join clubs etc and make mates then.

It's fine!

pastabest · 17/09/2016 09:52

He could go anyway...

When I went to university there was a guy in the room next to me that no one else apart from me saw for the first week. Everyone else on the corridor didn't believe me that he existed because he was never seen in the kitchen/toilets etc. But he was real, I could hear his music every night and bumped into him once very early in the morning as I was going out and he was coming in I just assumed he was a mature student or something and didn't want to hang out with us.

About 4 days into the second week I came back from lectures and he was sat in the kitchen with some of the other lads who introduced him to me as 'Ben'

Ben apparently had been turning right out of his room for the past week and a half and going to the kitchen and toilets on the next corridor along which were mainly occupied by mature Chinese students. Ben hadn't realised that if he turned left instead and went through the double doors iMMEDIATELY next to his room he was the closest room to the kitchen and toilets on our corridor.

Despite not spending any time with us during freshers week Ben became one of our bestest friends and central to the group. He never lived down not finding the kitchen right next to his bedroom for the whole of the three years we were the though.

Original poster

ginorwine · 17/09/2016 09:53

Thanks so v much I so appriciate . It's a bit of a rolacoaster and I needed input from one calmer than I (. Other stuff been going on too .)

OP posts:

OutragedofLondon · 17/09/2016 09:54

I'd take him. If he's ill he can just rest and recover in his room once he gets there but waiting a week will just make his anxiety worse.

Original poster

ginorwine · 17/09/2016 09:55

Past
Thanks he will catch up
I just didn't want him lie in his room sick and trying to join in and delay recovery

OP posts:

Original poster

ginorwine · 17/09/2016 09:57

Outraged
He seems calmer down he knows he is not fit to travel
Not slept properly for a week
Can hardly walk to bottom garden

OP posts:

PacificDogwod · 17/09/2016 10:09

I hope he feels better soon.

Fresher's week is hugely overrated IMO and IME.

He will be fine.
He will miss out on some of the chaos and will arrive to find everybody nursing a hangover/visting GUM clinics/beginning to find out what they are actually meant to be doing

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 17/09/2016 10:15

I would keep him at home if he is that poorly.
It would be a terrible start to get there and feel awful.
He should be fine in a day or two and can go when he is better.
Freshers Week (or fortnight in some cases ) is very over hyped as it is now a big business.
There will be plenty of time for pub crawls etc when he gets there. He will meet ppl in his accommodation and on his course-much better to make a good start when he feels better.
I have two going off next week-one first year and one second year-tissues at the ready ;)
Good luck

nosyupnorth · 17/09/2016 10:17

freshers week is only the very earliest settling in, if he's able to start in time for classes he'll still have plenty of opportunities to meet people. in my experience freshers week was all partying but there were freshers activities and integration stuff going on all through the first term.

however, check in with the uni about registration and enrolment - some places have it all online now but others still expect people in for a meeting during freshers, and student finance won't pay out until attendance is confirmed

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 17/09/2016 10:19

All he really needs to do in the first week is register. I found the rest of it quite disappointing.

thecapitalsunited · 17/09/2016 10:20

Some universities do actually run lectures during freshers week. I actually had a test during my first week so it's something worth checking.

CrazyNameCrazyGuy · 17/09/2016 10:28

Hopefully he will feel a lot better in a couple of days and will only have missed a little bit of Freshers Week. Not everyone gets there for the whole of it anyway so he won't be 'the odd one out'.

Hope he feels better soon

LIZS · 17/09/2016 10:33

He'll enjoy it more once he's recovered. Is he in contact via FB etc with any flat/room mates? How far away is it, could he perhaps visit in a few days?

cdtaylornats · 17/09/2016 10:38

You need to tell the university if he is going to be late registering.

var12 · 17/09/2016 10:38

9 times out of 10, you make friends in fresher's week with people that are ok, but by Christmas you'll have moved onto new friends.

What about matriculation and tutor meetings though? Can that be done later?

Original poster

ginorwine · 17/09/2016 10:44

Crazy he did that u day for bit fresh air been ill 2 weeks

OP posts:

CrotchetQuaverMinim · 17/09/2016 10:50

I'd see if he could possibly go for the registration bit, and all the formal stuff, if there are things like getting ID cards, library cards, email addresses, signing up for different lectures, registering for try outs for sports clubs or auditions for drama or whatever he's in to. All that happened during freshers week where I was, and it didn't necessarily need lots of time or energy, but would have been much easier to do at the start. Meetings, introductory talks, doctor registration, loads of stuff. Sometimes only a couple of minutes each. But just way easier to do when everyone else is, especially if he's anxious. I'd have felt like I was playing catch-up the whole time if I'd missed all that.

Could he sleep in the car, and you just do all the unpacking and getting him settled into his rooms while he rests? And then you could even stay nearby and help with some of the tedious admin stuff and whatever else he needs.

The actual fresher's week in terms of parties and events and so on isn't so much a big deal as he'll meet people throughout the year; he can always act like he's been to different parties or events if people wonder why they didn't see him there.

BoffinMum · 17/09/2016 10:53

I would just get in touch with his tutor and ask for advice about what needs doing that can't wait, and then just take him along when he's feeling better and get his started off then. He will still make lots of friends.

PotteringAlong · 17/09/2016 10:55

I had essays to do during freshers week. I'd check he's not missing stuff he needs to do.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 17/09/2016 10:57

DD found freshers week incredibly boring. She made lots of friends on her courses and in her flat, but freshers week was just a waste of time in her opinion. People either shy and not mixing, or showing off pretending to be some cool person they clearly weren't. One of her best friends is someone who started 2 weeks late for other reasons, not illness.

Just take your son when he's better, he'll soon catch up socially and academically.

Becca19962014 · 17/09/2016 10:59

At my uni attendance from the Saturday was mandatory as registration for library/it was all done during the first few days in person.

If someone didn't turn up and there was no explanation of extenuating circumstances (e.g. They were in hospital - that's the example given) then the course was at risk because you must resister to get student finance to pay fees. Freshers in the uni I worked at was not a week of no lectures. It was Saturday and Sunday to socialise and then down to registration for courses/clubs/sort out student finance and classes began Wednesday. Our university were very clear that students must be available from the first day of term (formally Saturday for freshers and Monday after freshers everyone else) or there were consequences.

Honestly there's far more to it than getting to know others, he'll definitely need a doctors certificate for his illness as it'll need to be provided to student finance as to why he missed registration (and the uni will need a copy as well). It'll need to be paid for privately and dated today.

Just to be clear this was the situation at the uni I worked at and won't necessarily be the same elsewhere but Students there turning up late who missed registration (first thing Monday onwards)bwere turned away unless there were exceptional circumstances (and they were accepted as exceptional).

Ememem84 · 17/09/2016 11:01

I got sick during freshers week had he worst cold I've ever had (freshers flu) but agree with others the hype isn't worth it. I barely slept for that first week. We drank a lot. And basically didn't do much.

Becca19962014 · 17/09/2016 11:09

Sorry that should done and dated today.

He risks missing the first few lectures and possibly setting of assignments/selecting practical slots/selecting modules (some courses have elective modules, he wouldn't have a choice of what it do) as well. Yes a lot is online but, there's a lot that's not and he risks missing the beginning of his course as we as registration etc.

Of course if his uni is one that has a week of nothing but drink/socials that's different but I didn't think that really existed a lot anymore (possibly wrong on that though!)

Longlost10 · 17/09/2016 11:17

freshers week is horrible, and totally ruins the excitement and energy built up to start university with. 30 years later, I still wish I'd missed mine

Wotsy · 17/09/2016 11:43

Poor lad, that's a shame. I guess he won't be the only one. I hope he feels better soon.

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