to tell guests to buy themselves a takeaway?

[OohMavis]

We have DH's family descending upon us today to visit and meet our four-week-old. They will expect feeding. They're not 'shove a pizza in the oven' kind of family, either.

Would it be rude to point them in the direction of the fish and chip shop and chinese takeaway over the road? We have a small house and there will be five of them. No dining table.

There will be tea and biscuits but that's all I'm planning on having in, our weekly shop is Monday.

Aibu?

How sad when family drop in on their kids, etc whom they know might be busy, exhausted and expect waiting on whilst they sit on the sofa, complain about what's offered (last thread of the OP's), outstay their welcome, bring a load of other people (not invited), etc.

My god, the catty bitches are out in force! You have already said they will turn there noses up at quick meals, tell them (or OH should) that this is whats on offer, if they dont like the sound of that they can make other arrangements. YOU dont need to and shouldnt have to prepare 2slap up meals by yourself for a adults who are very capable of walking across the street to sort themselves out if they dont like your menu!!!

I don't think it's unreasonable to get a takeaway in when you have a four week old baby, but I must admit, if people were coming to my house I would at least OFFER to pay for the food. I think that they are being unreasonable for coming into the home of someone who has just had a baby and sitting on their backsides expecting you to run around after them though! When my mum came to us after our daughter was born she ALWAYS brought food for dinner, either just for the two of us or for them too. It was massively appreciated. I was really unwell after I gave birth though. My mum said that it was hubby's job to take care of the baby and I and it was her job to feed us properly! God bless her!

Ah good, you all survived and the afternoon passed - that's a good result as far as I can tell, Mavis. Enjoy your peace and quiet.

In my family we often would share the burden of a large visitation by saying 'you bring this, I'll bring that'.
I don't want to sound harsh but you can't invite people over then act all huffy and send them to the takeaway. If you want to get a takeout meal then you need to tell them in advance.
IME it does not good to stew in your own resentment. If you are not happy with feeding them you need to come right out and say it. And be prepared for them to be offended.

It is good manners to wait to be invited, or to ask when it is conveniant to come, you just do not come without asking. You do not sit on your backside waiting to be served and taken care of by your children who have just had a baby and are finding their feet, you muck in and help. Especially if you are the family, families I thought help each other out.

Ilove they invited themselves, and did not give op or dh a choice in the matter, they descended upon her.

Ok I've read the other thread now and based on that and the previous visit of the PILs then I will concede that OP was reasonable.

However as a general rule I believe it is rude to expect visitors to pay for takeaway when they are at your house.

Well done Mavis hopefully this has set the bar for future visits too . Really amazed by some of the responses on here, it sounds like you have the queen round for dinner. Even pre DS we saw friends or family coming over as a good excuse to order takeaway, that way you actually get to sit down and enjoy their company rather than farting around in the kitchen half the night. They have always returned so I assume this was fine by them. Even then it's enough work to wash plates and clear up the packaging from several people's takeaways. Re splitting the cost I think if you take turns to visit you can pay when hosting but as we are the only ones in our circle with DC everyone tends to come here now so we split it.

God OP, I hope you treated yourself to a lovely big takeaway after that nonsense.

Although the image of you affronted FIL did make me laugh. Is he always such a fuddy-duddy? :o

FWIW MIL would have been the one to insist on treating us to a nice dinner in that situation.

Your*

I cannot type properly today.

"My god, the catty bitches are out in force"

Somebody who labels other posters as catty bitches for simply having a different viewpoint is in fact the perfect example of a catty bitch

You've a baby. Anyone who expects to be fed or waited on (even so much as a cup of tea) by either you or your dp is being unreasonable and downright ignorant.

Looking at you MIL who thought that 'I'll hold sleeping few-days-old baby while you make me tea and lunch' was actually 'helping me'

*You've JUST HAD a baby
(It's wine o'clock here.)

This thread has made me want oven pizza

I hope you replied "Yes please hold the baby but I'm going to hop in the shower/have a nap" Detox?

I would also get DH to cook/provide food. That is exactly what we did in this sort of situation. I wasn't up to cooking, but he could still function perfectly fine, so he got some easy snack/salad stuff in and put on a little help yourself buffet. Everyone was happy enough & well fed.

Just pretend you ALWAYS have a takeaway on a Saturday night, get the menus out and get them to go and get it.

Jeezus, having a baby did not make me incapable of making some much welcom guests/visitors a brew and a sarnie as funnily enough I ate too (as they cuddled DD for an hour for which I was pleasantly pleased). Blimey, only on MN are people so odd about this kind of thing. Do people really sit around all day nursing their babies 24 hours a day and literally do nothing else for 6 months??

I was more exhausted at 4 weeks than at 4 days! DS would only sleep on me, he napped maybe 20 minutes at a time, breastfed all the bloody time (and dropping weight) and holding him triggered my sciatica and SPD. We had no help.

And no money. So catering for extra people wasn't going to happen.

I do think DH should ring them and collectively agree on food which absoluletely should not be your job.
Alternatively have some soup and rolls available for them to rustle up for all of you should the need arise.
Dontt feel responsible, encourage dh to think ahead. But directing them to the takeaway seems a bit harsh!

'Blimey, only on MN are people so odd about this kind of thing. Do people really sit around all day nursing their babies 24 hours a day and literally do nothing else for 6 months??'

Oddly enough, people on MN exist in real life, too! Why yes, when my daughter was 4 weeks old she went through about a week where she nursed round the clock. I was literally incapable of catering to guests.

And like Cheshire, we didn't have the money to feed a bunch of extra adults a meal.

In real life! Imagine!

And you know, we don't all live in cities! We lived very rurally. The nearest shop was 3 miles away, no pavement, shut at 10pm. If we didn't have a freezer full of food t(which we didn't at 4 weeks, badly needed to do a shop) to 'rustle up' these vats of soup, bolognaise for 7, takeaway for 5 adults, quiches and nibbles from M&S (nearest one about 40 miles away).

Then we had no food in the house to cater to a group of adults who turned up uninvited and expected food and watered.

These people who can't do anything round the clock except nurse the baby 4 weeks post birth are on another planet.

When my premature baby was 2 weeks old I was looking after my toddler, & my mother who had suffered a heart block. I was 2 weeks post section.
I had friends over to see us & I cooked for us all.

Seriously women just did not do this in decades gone by - where women sit & do nothing apart from feed baby, it really does not surprise me that there are so many entitled children around given that everything stops & revolves around them.