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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Child maintaince with a greedy ex

484 replies

EveOnline2016 · 17/09/2016 00:02

My brother has his daughter a lot.

This is how it breaks down. 1/2 the school holidays. EOW plus every Monday Tuesday and Thursday after school. Also 1/2 the cost of school uniform.

EOW is Friday after school till bedtime Sunday.

Still ex wants CMO payments.

While he has his daughter he feeds and clothes her and washes and irons the school uniform to send back.

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

Is this fair.

OP posts:
AliceInUnderpants · 17/09/2016 22:19

And yet he's still being portrayed by some as a crap Dad.

He has decided to stop paying the legal minimum requirement he is obligated to contribute towards his child.

That IS a crap Dad!

Ego147 · 17/09/2016 22:24

ayeamarok

It really makes fuck all difference what anyone on here writes. The OP, her brother and the ex are the ones involved. What anyone discusses here makes little difference.

I just don't think that this situation about how much the NRP has to pay / is expected to pay is clear cut - yet I suspect many NRPs are judged by other people about what they pay because of the number of 'nights' involved - when the whole issue of what is 'expected' is complicated by many factors - as has been discussed on here.

Joan0fArc · 17/09/2016 22:25

marinablue, that's what my x thinks. he honestly believes that because I am not completely broke, he oughtn't to give money to our household. Fact is though, there are three of us (me and his two dc) and less than a quarter of the income comes from him so he's not funding my anything. I'm funding his wine. He is too stupid to realise that his entitlement to freedom and his entitlement to disposable income is at my expense.

paxillin · 17/09/2016 22:30

If your brother had to pay £100/week his annual income would be well over £50,000. He'd get no tax credits or child benefit even if she did live with him.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 00:25

If your brother had to pay £100/week his annual income would be well over £50,000. He'd get no tax credits or child benefit even if she did live with him.

As has been repeatedly said, no one knows if it is the CSA amount or the amount he is paying voluntarily which is above CSA amount

mixety · 18/09/2016 08:58

My brother has now stopped the £100 per week maintence or he can't afford to have his dd.

OP if you are still around please can you explain why this is. She can't cost £100 to feed/entertain when she is with him. Is it loss of earnings?

EveOnline2016 · 18/09/2016 15:31

Its voluntary CSA calculated at £34 a week in which he is now going to pay.

OP posts:
Careforadrink · 18/09/2016 15:53

£34 a week to raise a child?

Wow. He's so generous. His ex will be living like royalty.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 16:03

Its voluntary CSA calculated at £34 a week in which he is now going to pay.

If that is correct then tbf I can see why the £100 a week plus the 1/2 of school costs etc is unsustainable on his income.

Could he negotiate with his ex for it to gradually be reduced?

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 16:11

£34 a week to raise a child

Wow. He's so generous. His ex will be living like royalty

They are both raising the child - you might have missed that bit - where the child spends a lot of time between both houses. So both of them are responsible and they both contribut.

WhooooAmI24601 · 18/09/2016 16:11

Christ on a bicycle, £34 a week won't be enough to raise a child. If he can justify being so ridiculously mean then more power to him. I am RP and know for an absolute certainty that DCs cost far, far more than that.

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 16:14

So this 'deadbeat, uncaring' dad has been paying 3 times the CSA amount. As well as doing a lot of the after school pick ups and evenings half the holidays, EOW and buying clothes. Good for him.

He should cut his payments to £34 a week and keep on doing what he does.

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 16:15

Christ on a bicycle, £34 a week won't be enough to raise a child

He is raising a child. So is his ex. They are BOTH doing it together. I

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 16:16

I suspect many people are just going to see £34 a week and are not going to see what the NRP actually does.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 16:17

Christ on a bicycle, £34 a week won't be enough to raise a child. If he can justify being so ridiculously mean then more power to him. I am RP and know for an absolute certainty that DCs cost far, far more than that

Yes they do. It is down to his wage however.

He has been paying over 3 times the CSA amount.

He is now apparently discovering, unsurprisingly that it can't be sustained.

Not sure 'ridiculously mean' is fair.

WhooooAmI24601 · 18/09/2016 16:21

In an ideal world wouldn't both parents sit down together and work out exactly what the DC costs and split it equally, regardless of CMS? If he's having her 50% of the time and buying/paying for 50% of everything then that seems the only way to make it perfectly fair.

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 18/09/2016 16:38

Now he only has to pay £4.86 towards his dd upkeep a day

Brilliant I think an OBE might be in order

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 16:39

Now he only has to pay £4.86 towards his dd upkeep a day

Plus the amount he is paying towards her upkeep when she spends a lot of the time at his house.

Or did you miss that bit?

How much does his ex pay to him to look after her DD when she is at his house?

EnthusiasmDisturbed · 18/09/2016 16:45

No I didn't miss that bit

What loving patent doesn't want to spend time with their child and buy them things oh but we muat applaud nrp that do wow isn't that great I hope his dd is grateful because she will certianly be made to feel by some that she should be Hmm

His dd lives with her mother she provides a home for her and spends time with her father a few nights every other week

Petal02 · 18/09/2016 17:04

So he's been paying nearly 3 times the CSA amount AND having his daughter nearly 50% of the time - doesn't sound too bad to me.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 18/09/2016 17:14

In an ideal world wouldn't both parents sit down together and work out exactly what the DC costs and split it equally, regardless of CMS? If he's having her 50% of the time and buying/paying for 50% of everything then that seems the only way to make it perfectly fair.

Would the RP then give 50% of any tax credits or child benefit they may receive aswell?

Petal02 · 18/09/2016 17:17

Ha ha, very good question Piglet!!!!

Careforadrink · 18/09/2016 17:38

Ego

He has her 2 nights out of 14. So little more than £5 per night really. What a princely sum

I'd be ashamed to offer that.

Ego147 · 18/09/2016 17:43

He has her 2 nights out of 14. So little more than £5 per night really. What a princely sum

I think we've discussed all that on the thread, haven't we? No point rehashing it again.

Careforadrink · 18/09/2016 17:51

Yes because people keep trying to give the illusion that it's 50/50 care but in reality as it stands it's nowhere near.

2 nights out of 14 is not 50/50 no matter which way you slice it and given that £34 a week is pathetic.

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