to ask what's the popular Mumsnet advice you think is bollocks? [edit: lighthearted added at OP's request]

[CoolToned]

Game.

'He might just have been having a posh wank.'

Posh wanks are no fun

"Just go round and speak to the neighbour"

Cause an aggressive, loud neighbour will really take that well.

I had a spa day once, came back to complete chaos and I banged my head on the side of the swimming pool. Spa wankers.

And a 'choppy bob'. I had to wear a hat for six months.

Wtf is a posh wank? Should i even ask?

If you don't agree with grammar schools, or don't want your children at separate schools, just send your very academic, high achieving child, to the secondary modern and your problems are solved.

The answer to anything negative about schools ' you could just home school'.

You don't need to book plane tickets because the airline will have to move people (who have booked) to accommodate you and your child.

The one that really irritates has already been said,
Your child - your rules. (Only if you stay at home and don't socialise)

'My two year old can count to a million, has taught himself to play the piano and is reading novels. I think he might be gifted?'

No, that's normal. You'll find most two year olds can so that. In fact mine prefers Shakespeare plays to novels.

'Just move' when anyone is having issues with LL/neighbours

'Change schools/home school'

Like doing either are that simple!

The stringent use of the words vulva and vagina in the correct context at all times. Woe betide anyone who doesn't conform.

Childrens presents referred to as tat.

Invitations to children's parties stating no presents.

Party bag snobbery accompanied by the word tat.

"Complain to OFTED"
"Complain to the Governers"

OFSTED care only for DATA.
In reality, the Governers of a school are not the 'independent body' everyone thinks they are

I've no idea what a posh wank is. Does it involve caviar?

Trouble at work/sick? Work from home. I wouldnt think most jobs give you this option.

" BettyCrystal

How exactly do those with no bog brush scrape the shite out of their loo?"
Apparently you scrub. Yes, under the water line. No, I'll be keeping my toilet brush thanks!

Co sleeping did save my sanity though. Having to feed her back to sleep was so much easier when I didn't have to actually get up first. Think dh also Co slept with our two year old for a little while while I had newborn dd so I was happy he was ok and also didn't wake me or dd in the night.

If you are genuinely sick then your employer can't do anything and it's none of their business anyway
if you give your 11 yo naice wine with meals they'll grow up with a responsible attitude to drinking

A posh wank doesn't exist - it just gets trotted out when someone's found a condom in their OH's trouser pocket, as an excuse for why it might be there. He might have been having a wank with a condom on - as opposed to the actual reason, which was that he was cheating.

You can probably count all the men in the world who wank with a condom on, on one hand.

LTB
yes, because its so easy and is the solution to everything

Why the hell is wanking with a condom posh? That's weird.

How exactly do those with no bog brush scrape the shite out of their loo?

Suggestions are:

1. Hold tissue in your hand and wipe it away
2. Use bleach to bleach it away
3. Don't let anyone use the toliet (more a preventative method I feel)

It's not posh but it makes cleaning up a lot easier Says my friend

This is such a funny thread

Far too late to this thread, to add anything new however, the spa day's advice always tickle me

Duvet cover inside pillow case ... such faffery.

All the microwave cake in mug type "hacks". Just cook a proper cake or open a packet of digestives!

I also don't like the advice to keep visitors away when you have a newborn, particularly grandparents. Seeing a baby at two weeks old is not the same as seeing it at one or two days old.

Line a puke bucket with plastic bags for easy clear ups ... No! please don't send puke wrapped in plastic off to landfill! Flush it away down the toilet like a civilised human.

Well I've once said go to A&E and the baby was hospitalised due to complications from chicken pox. Not advising a someone with a seriously ill child at night to go to A&E would be poor advice!

I also think rehoming your pet might be less cruel than seriously struggling with them.

You can probably count all the men in the world who wank with a condom on, on one hand
😂😂😂