to ask what's the popular Mumsnet advice you think is bollocks? [edit: lighthearted added at OP's request]

[CoolToned]

Game.

Could you take in some ironing to earn money?

My personal favourite: What about a party at Build A Bear? (approximately £250 a head when I checked and possibly a mental breakdown)

Cancel the cheque

LTB

The thing about the bedding inside a pillowcase. My airing cupboard just looked like it had a collection of oddly stuffed swag bags in a variety of colours and I still couldn't find all the fucking pillowcases

"My bra size is 34B" --> "no it is 26GG"

More likely 30E to be fair

"Someone wants me to do something I don't want to do"

"Tell them you'll do it for £X" (some obscenely high rate compared to professional person)

No, because what if the person says yes? Then you are stuck doing it, or you look a dick because you've fucked them about by agreeing under certain circumstances then changing your mind. Just say no or lie you can't if you can't face just saying you don't want to.

You've gotta be kidding me, Thing...

Agree about the bra size! Yes, get fitted. No, don't strap yourself into a vice... Nobody knows your tits better than you. Surely?

Actually, any advise that is essentially "play stupid fucking games with people rather than grow up and deal with the issue" annoys me. It's amazing how many people think petty petty games are the solutions for issues with people.

"You know what's best for your baby"
"get your free half hour with a solicitor"
"Make him out you in the deeds to his house"
"Rehome your pets"

Actually free half hour with a solicitor can be really useful. It helped me.

Nobody knows your tits better than you. Surely?

Erm, no, if you've only ever had bra advice from retailers who fit a specific and incorrect way they you will think that's right. But then nobody says "wear a vice" either so...

LTB is all very well if you have somewhere to go. Womens aid just cannot magically take everyone in. I was lucky I LTB and went back to my Mums.
Even though you have LTB he's still in your head because he's the man you love(d) and you also don't want to admit to yourself that your marriage has gone to hell
Still I'm now free and safe because I had family members who stood by me and rightly or wrongly paid him a visit one night.

LTB because clearly there is an OW- no matter what the OP's complaint is about their DP/DH. Men can't fart sideways near their DPs/DWs without mumsnet screaming OW.

LTB does not always mean leave then. It can be about how you plan to leave when you can.

"Leave dc to revise by themselves mine still got 12 A*GCSE's, a bit disappointed but at least they learned to be independent."

"Kondo it> get rid of clothes that dont bring you joy and leave yourself with a lovely capsule of three items which you can mix and match. So easy to get dressed in the morning"

Steady spartacus

It's only a thread.

"Just move house" - Errm unless you're one of the 3 little pigs, it's really not that easy.

"well why did you have your child / second child / nth child, with a bastard / when you can't afford it?"

Who cares. they're here now. Be constructive.

it's not flu if you can move a few fingers to post a message to mn on a phone screen

It's actually not though

No is a complete sentence.

5% because it is extremely rude unless the original request is preternaturally outrageous, but 95% because it isn't in any way a sentence. No subject, no verb.

"Don't do competitive tiredness."

It is a competition. I am tired, I need that piece of time to sleep in; he thinks he is tired, but he is not as tired as me and has no idea what my actual life is like. He made it into a competition by repeatedly grabbing bits of rest that are never offered to me. Therefore my only options are to: compete back and grab some of that rest; or give up, accept that I live only to service others, and will be sobbing with fatigue for the foreseeable future.

If there is a way to make a selfish man give up rest so that his wife can have some, that does not involve competition of some kind, I do not know what it is, and no one else on this forum does either, because it is every 5th thread and NOBODY KNOWS

"It's actually not though"

Could be, for starters some people only get bog standard cold symptoms from flu, but it is an influenza virus.

But also, I've been ill enough with a flu type illness that I couldn't physically get out of bed but I made it online on my phone a few times.

Rehome pets

Spa day

Go no contact

Steam cleaners are brilliant. No they are really shite

"Stop doing any housework or childcare until he does his share."

Let's hope that's before social services notice.