to ask what's the popular Mumsnet advice you think is bollocks? [edit: lighthearted added at OP's request]

[CoolToned]

Game.

If/when I have a baby I will WANT people especially DM there

Except for if/when you have a baby you might not. You can only guess that you might.

I told a friend, before she gave birth, that I'd visit her only after a week. She didn't think it was necessary then. When I did visit, she told me I had been right. Her mum was there for support, btw. But a stream of other visitors can be tiring.

If/when I have a baby I will WANT people especially DM there

You really can't say for sure either way until you're actually in that situation for yourself.

And also you wouldn't be 'denying visiting rights' to anyone. It's more than reasonable to want some recovery and bonding time with baby post birth. Granted not everyone is that way inclined but it certainly isn't horrible to not want visitors for the first couple of weeks.

That if you have a dog and it does not come _immediately to heel when walking in a field, wood, common or dog park, you are an irresponsible owner and a disgrace to the community and so on...

Get a taxi. Or a cleaner.
Said blithely and as if they are free.

Also 'pick your battles'. Actually I think you should fecking stand your ground for the fecking sake of it. Don't be quiet and play the long game. Tell the fecking twat to do one.

Also 'pick your battles'. Actually I think you should fecking stand your ground for the fecking sake of it. Don't be quiet and play the long game. Tell the fecking twat to do one.

YY to this. I've only skimmed the thread, but what I was coming on to dispute was the frequent advice to 'Smile and nod'. What bollocks. Women have been encouraged to smile and nod and be 'gracious' far too much when they should be encouraged to be perfectly explicit and articulate about whatever it is that is unacceptable rather than trying to 'rise above it' and not to let it upset them.

I created a giant stink in a training course yesterday because of training materials that were spectacularly ignorant and ideologically problematic about my nationality. I'm sure it would have been much more comfortable all round if I'd sent a discreet email afterwards, but fuck that.

Literally everything a man does is abuse. Everything. The double standard is crazy, especially on the relationships board.

My favorite is over "dead bedrooms". A man daring to ask his wife for sex when they haven't had sex for months or years is an abuser and rapist who is treating her like a blow doll prostitute who will suck his dick on demand because he hates women. A woman who doesn't want to have sex is a feminist hero who needs to tell her pathetic DH to STFU because she's not his sex slave!

Great. Yet if a MAN is the one who doesn't want sex, then is he a feminist hero? NO! He's an abuser (shocking!) who is withholding sex probably to control her because he hates women. How DARE he expect her to sit around in a relationship without sex! Could he be any more of a misogynist?

And if a woman isn't sure why she doesn't want sex (gone off it/not feeling it) and says she's just made excuses and is a bit embarrassed, it's empathy overload: don't worry, hun. We all get embarrassed. You don't need to justify yourself to anyone.

But if a DH has a low sex drive but can't explain it then it's all "how dare he not know!" "Divorce him for refusing to be honest with you". He married you under false pretenses!

People (especially the LTB zealots) seem to view men as blow up men shaped animals. They have no real emotions except fear and anger. They have no complexity or inner thoughts. They are dumb. They are easily understood from 50 paces. It's a bit sad, really.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs

Did you take an hyperbole pill?

Lweji

No but the people on the relationships board sure have!

Except that what you wrote bears little resemblance to what happens there, no matter how you want to dress it up.
Yes, there is some bias, but not to that point, and not as you put in that post.
It doesn't make you look clever or reasonable.

I agree with A11. Can't see why you would object so strongly Lweji?

••Innocent Face••

Oh Lweji there is a HUGE bias and you are one of the worst offenders!

Another one to note double standards...

you are one of the worst offenders

Really?

You have evidence, of course.

Lweji

The scary thing is it's not an exaggeration. There is one particular poster in fact who will ALWAYS bring up the sex doll/blow up doll language and talk about how the DP is probably wishing for the days when men could rape their wives. No exaggeration.

In fact I used this specific example on purpose to show how the different ways in which it's always turned around to blame the man. When it comes to housework or finance, it sort of makes sense to basically assume that the man is at fault somehow. But it's almost hilarious to watch how hard people work to make the man the abuser when he has a low sex drive or a high sex drive but the woman the victim if she has a low sex drive or a high sex drive.

I haven't even included some of the more extreme language. People literally write "sex is the least he can do when you do all the housework" to a high drive woman!. But then on the next post to a low drive woman the SAME POSTERS write that "sex isn't a gift from women to men", "don't sleep with him".

Lweji

Don't play dumb, you know we're not allowed to link threads.

There are always stupid posts on the extremes of the spectrum on threads.

There are biased pps.

Quite often there are rape and abuse excusing posts. It's interesting that you haven't mentioned any of those as bad advice.

Relationships, as a whole, is somewhat biased but mostly in that it's women who ask the questions, rather than men. Yes, men have had bad collective receptions and bad assumptions. But so have women.

Don't play dumb, you know we're not allowed to link threads.

Yes we are. We do it all the time.

As well as getting quotes from other threads.

I recall the last thread I read with regards to the man in a relationship not having a high sex drive came up with the usual gems:

Is he gay?
Does he have a porn addiction?
Is there another women?

Don't ever recall a women with a low libido being accused of any of the above.

Over the years I have read advice for a women to basically start wanking her SH off 'to get him in the mood'. Can you imagine the uproar if the same were suggested to man looking to kick start his sex life.

" log it" with police. Like they are a diary management service. 😂

Pan Obviously it's all three of those, of course it's impossible for a man with low sex drive to exist

PanGalaticGargleBlaster

Yes, there's dire advice. Everywhere. On both sides.
However, you shouldn't take a few terrible examples for the whole.

It would be like accusing MN of being rape apologists just because a few pps are or post rape apologist posts.

Lweji

No one has reported you yet. This came up before and attempts to link threads were deleted because the people involved (shockingly!) didn't want their threads being re-litigated on AIBU.

It's not an example, it's a trend. It's more obvious with sex drive issues and it happens the vast majority of the time.

I even remember a thread on relationships saying "how often do you have sex" and posters gleefully boasting about how "they have it every few months and their DH can put up or shut up" and "poor DH can make friends with his left hand for all I care". But again a man with a low sex drive = abuser.

Cat-proof your garden