to ask what's the popular Mumsnet advice you think is bollocks? [edit: lighthearted added at OP's request]

[CoolToned]

Game.

Depends which average you are talking about.

This is true and I did realise that just after I posted.

'Head tilt.

That's hardly "advice", though, is it?

Door slam strop in my house 17 yr old dds bf gone uo to uni today. The world has ended he hasn't sent her a text yet.
Who invented the mobile phone?

I hate "unmumsnetty hug" too.

I really hope that it's not "unmumsnetty" to give someone a hug of support when they need one! I mean I've seen this on threads:

"My Grandad died last night."
"Oh I'm so sorry, may he rest in peace. Unmumsnetty hugs to you."

WTF? What kind of cold hearted bitch doesn't give someone a hug if a loved one dies. Why is it unmumsnetty?

Cando

"Perhaps he is useless but could this not be dealt with more positively?"

What is not "positive" about giving the man a chance to step up properly for once, not patronising him? That would be considered a decent chance in a work place. The only reason you would see this as not "positive" is if you think he really shouldn't need to do it, and it's completely legit that he passes responsibility off on someone else all the time.
MN is mostly composed of the "someone else"s and many of us are sick of it.

"2 - Why is working as a unit enabling him?"

Being able to offer basic hospitality in hour own house is an extremely rudimentary standard of being a reasonably domesticated adult. Offering food, drink, seats, chit chat, is something that will happen often in most houses, especially ones with new babies. If you saying that it is fine that whenever activities like this happen, it is ok that the woman has to take responsibility, you are shoving a lot of respsonsibility on the woman and that is ok. "acting as a unit" means "he doesn't have to take responsibility". That really isn't fair with somethings as basic as this.

" Perhaps he genuinely doesn't have a clue about this sort of thing? "(In which case he needs educating)"

That's not the woman's job. The way I learnt to deal with guests was by doing it. I did it to help my mum and then from 18 I did it in my own place on my behalf. I am sure I did things wrong at times, and yes maybe there were some ignominious dashes to the takeaway, but that's life. If he is old enough to have children, he is old enough to get on with this.

"3 - What a wonderfully passive aggressive way of dealing with the situation, can the OP not talk to her husband about it without involving the guests"
Well perhaps she has tried that and is now reinforcing it by putting it out there in public that "in this house it's not just me on domestic duty". Women like this have a lot of habits to break: their own; their husband's; their social circle. They need to send big signals.

"and why would you refer your guests to talk to your husband (sorry I forgot they are his parents so by definition, his problem)"
Why not? Why do all guests have to be looked after by a woman? Why is it even remarkable that any guest, however related, would be hosted by a man?
"4 - tinkly laugh - need I say more?"

Finally - fair enough

Did I say it was her job? I did say the advice was passive aggressive and intimate they are a team.

But then again your assumptions that I am saying that it is her job are exactly what I mean.

Yep. The disparity really comes to light on these threads when a high earning woman separates from her lower earning husband. There's plenty of advice on how to shield 'her' assets in the divorce proceedings. The 'you're a team's and 'it's all family money' suddenly goes out of the window.

Yep. And SAHMs are doing a proper job, are entitled to 50% of the family income and shouldn't be expected to do any housework during the day because they are looking after the children and it should be shared 50/50 with the working parent. They are enabling their partners career by looking after their family.

SAHDs are unemployed poncing cocklodgers entitled to nothing and should be responsible for 100% of housework and childcare or they're complete bastards.

Everyone should learn to drive, its a necessity! Looking down on those who do not. Yes its so easy, everyone can do it, not! (failed loads of driving tests). Like all skills, not everybody is able to do it.

Oh yes, your a couple you should have a joint account! Your not a proper partner unless you have a joint account. Actually, having a separate account is far better, more freedom and I am in control of my own finances. Nobody to justify to, or analysing every bit of the bank statement.

Yes Aero. Except women should also have a seperate secret account incase they ever want to leave. Again, if a man was squirrelling 'family money' away into a secret account in anticipation of a split this would be financial abuse.

I know, it would, one rule for some, another rule for another.

Everyone should be married if you have children otherwise "you are in an extremely vulnerable position"
Why is this true if you work full time/jointly own a house etc??

These threads always go the same way. I'm yet to get a seriously helpful answer as to what advice we are meant to give to people who are skint.

Recently op was talking about not inviting or asking parents to supervise a couple of 10 year boys who had behaved badly at her previous parties. They were pouring drinks on people, playing football with drinks bottles, pulling cushions from under children and being rude to op. Op knew the family and did not mention that they had SN, immediately chorus of "they might have sn" "sn can manifest in bad behaviour". Ehem op knew the families and there were no sn, so lets assume that these kids are NT who are badly behaved which does happen often. This has also happened in other threads, armchair diagnosis or cries of sn when op has not mentioned, or has said that the kids so not have sn.

Good point Morris what do we say when we just can't help. If someone lives nearby then yes I would help out. Otherwise you don't really know what to say do you. Advice on how to save money is generally good but if someone doesn't have a pot to piss in its hard to know what to type.

Obviously they are only a bit of help, but pointing people towards the entitledto and turn2us online calculators to check if they are claiming everything they're entitled to, or the credit crunch and money matters forums on here, as well as the MSE forums for money saving tips, and step change and other charities to help people prioritise their debts, are at least something we can do. It's surprising how many people don't know about or know how to check what their entitlements are.

Yes Creme also think pride stops people asking for help .Benefits bashing media have a lot to answer for in some cases.

Definitely, Portia. I can't remember the exact figures, but unclaimed benefits money is far more than fraudulent benefit claims.

Don't forget though if you are skint you can always buy a chicken and make it last a week.

Genuinely though, signposting those that are in need aside. Would it not be nice for people to talk through what problems the poster has and make suggestions without people high jacking and telling them how they should never have got themselves in this situation at all or that looking at what the OP has been spending money on rather what the priority should be now.

Oh, and 'just ask your neighbour' everybody has a mythical the neighbour who does not work yet is in perfect health, verifiably trustworthy and lives within 5 minutes of school and can drop everything for childcare issues etc..

It took a year to undo the damage that oil cleansing did to my poor face.

Mummy knows best.

Fuck me, I hate that expression. I wish I could write it out on a hard piece of wood and then use it to smack people over the head with when they utter it.

The worst advice recently was to an OP who wanted advice because her DH announced after his DMs recent death that he would be donating the entire 6 figure sum inheritance to charity.

Several people told her to file for divorce so she'd get 50% of the money.

Daisychain, but she would have done wouldn't she? If he didn't donate it in the mean time.