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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not Wanting To Leave

402 replies

ArmyMumToBabyGirl · 16/09/2016 13:22

I will try and keep this long winded story as short as poss as to not bore everyone to death!
Me and my partner have known eachother for 11 years, been together for 2, he joined the army the second week we got together.
We have a 1 year old daughter too now.
I live with my parents (I'm 24 and have chronic back pain due to curvature of the spine from a car accident 5 years ago)!
My partner is now calling me "less committed" because I won't get married quarters with him, which is 2 hours away from my friends and family.
I also won't get a house around where I live, because I don't want to live by myself for 5 nights a week until he's back at the weekend - to pay bills and mortgage on a house that's slept in 2 nights a week.
He's informed me he has no plans to propose until we live together... so is calling me less committed because of this.

Can anyone understand my side?

OP posts:
LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 16/09/2016 16:05

Ah here we go...Hmm

this is now turning into the biggest drip feed in the world. Jeez.

BeMorePanda · 16/09/2016 16:05

If me and my daughter aren't put as a priority - why on earth should I up and leave?!
If he is as you describe at 15:58, why on earth would you even be considering marrying him?

TheFairyCaravan · 16/09/2016 16:05

Why not just let the poor bloke go? Honestly, what are either of you getting out of this relationship? Nothing as far as I can see.

Don't ask him to leave the army, that's really, really unfair.

Your DD doesn't know him, it's not that she doesn't like him.

I doubt he feels particularly comfortable coming "home" to MIL's every weekend. I know I wouldn't, I would want my space.

Neither of you are each other's priority. You are as bad as each other. The relationship is going nowhere.

phillipp · 16/09/2016 16:07

What woman would feel remotely safe in a house with just her and a baby?

plenty do.

He chose to join the army.

You chose to still have a baby with him. He didn't join the army out of the blue. If he joined when you first started dating, but you knew him. You must have known he was joining.

He Is choosing not to propose until you actually live together.

What you do with that is your choices

Fwiw, I agree with him. What's the point in getting married if you are still going to live at your parents house?

You seem to like your life as it is. Great, but he won't propose.

You have now started skating him as a dad, so why does it bother you? If he is so shit, Dump him.

Crispbutty · 16/09/2016 16:07

spectacular drip feed there..

OddThomas7 · 16/09/2016 16:08

What's a PVM post OddThomas?

Sorry, I'm new, didn't realise that one isn't used here.

PVM = please validate me
(aka whatever you do, don't post a differing opinion)

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 16/09/2016 16:09

I am really concerned that you would use a phrase like 'DD doesn't like him' of a one year old baby, towards a father she barely gets to spend any time with because of the decisions you make about where you live and how often he sees her.

You sound unbelievably immature to be honest. And clearly you are not committed to this relationship so I think you should put everyone out of their misery and just end it.

MrTiddlestheFatCat · 16/09/2016 16:09

Marvellous drip feeding.

So turns out he's a bit of an arse.

If you do not want to move there then don't- but end the relationship, particularly if he does behave like that! And then focus on your and your daughter and start to build a bit of independence beyond your parents.

Tiggeryoubastard · 16/09/2016 16:09

notarehearsal I did wonder if that was partly why the baby made such a speedy appearance. That and control.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/09/2016 16:10

Drip......

MaudGonneMad · 16/09/2016 16:10

Thanks Smile

RortyCrankle · 16/09/2016 16:10

So what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? He's away working 5 days a week and for his time off at the weekend, he prefers to spend it with his mates. I wouldn't even call it a relationship would you?

RortyCrankle · 16/09/2016 16:11

So what exactly are you getting out of this relationship? He's away working 5 days a week and for his time off at the weekend, he prefers to spend it with his mates. I wouldn't even call it a relationship would you?

BeMorePanda · 16/09/2016 16:11

ooh I think we should take up using PVM - there is a massive need here for that.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 16/09/2016 16:11

I agree with leavemywings

Goingtobeawesome · 16/09/2016 16:12

FFS. Is he really like that or have you made that up to make your point of view seem valid as this thread isn't going your way?

TheFairyCaravan · 16/09/2016 16:13

What does he do in the army OP?

AprilSkies44 · 16/09/2016 16:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeaveMyWingsBehindMe · 16/09/2016 16:14

So what this distils down to is nothing more than two young people rushing into having a child together because they wanted one, without getting to know one another properly first and without thinking through the long term implications and of whether they were actually suited or wanted the same things in life.

Which clearly they are not, and don't.

Same old, same old. nothing to see here. Move along.

Poor kid.

Original poster
ArmyMumToBabyGirl · 16/09/2016 16:15

No. I wanted an opinion on JUST the matter before I involved the way he was thanks! No drip here!!

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 16/09/2016 16:15

Epic drip feed, probably because the OP isn't being validated.

FluffyWuffyFuckYou · 16/09/2016 16:15

You really are very childish.

Zame · 16/09/2016 16:17

That information would have made all the difference if included in the original post.

If you're unhappy in your relationship don't get married. Live where you have support.

Zame · 16/09/2016 16:18

But if you want the information that he spends no time with you and your daughter on the weekends to be disregarded then you are being very unreasonable.

phillipp · 16/09/2016 16:18

No. I wanted an opinion on JUST the matter before I involved the way he was thanks! No drip here!!

absolute rubbish. The fact that he is a shit dad and partner is of course relevant.

It does come across as an epic 'ah no one is siding with me, so I'll make him out to be a wanker'