Crikey I think the op is getting a very rough ride here.
I actually think it is quite mature of her to consider staying with her parents and where she and her dd feel supported. Better surely than rushing in a "love is blind" type way in to a living situation which could be very difficult and lonely.
I have lots of family in the forces and believe me, it is not all tea and cakes living on an army base. And although some are hugely supportive, there are others where it can be stifling and gossipy and cliquey.
I am perhaps coming at this from a different perspective. I moved abroad for my dh and gave up a job I really enjoyed and moved away from all my family and friends. My dh then proceeded to travel for the most part of every week. So I was effectively stuck dealing with all the practicalities on my own in a very isolated situation with a child in a strange country when I didn't speak the language very well (have since improved!) while he was off on his travels.
I thought we would be here for five years and it turns out we are effectively here for life. I was never given a definitive choice in this matter, the situation just kind of evolved because my dh has always been a much bigger earner than me.
As it has turned out, thankfully for me, it has worked out because my dh is a fantastic person. And I have grown to be much more comfortable where I live. However, it has been very, very hard to get to that point and I have sacrificed a lot. At times, even though I am fine in my own company, I felt very lonely and quite vulnerable (and I don't have a disability.)
So I say good for the op for taking the time to think this through really carefully and for assuming a bit of control.
Of all the things that have been most difficult to handle in my situation - the lack of control was the very worst.
A good compromise would be if they bought a house close to her parents and they could then both have what they want.