To call 999?

[laurzj82]

There is a spider the size of a fucking bungalow in DD's room. OH is working abroad. No one else nearby who can help. I threw a shoe at it but missed and it's ran behind her wardrobe.

Totally acceptable to ring for the fire brigade to help, right?

set fire to the house first

Yes, you'll need them there for when you burn the house down to ensure the eight legged beast is dead!

I'd call the police as well, just to be on the safe side.

You could try the Coastguard if you're near the sea? Then they could drown it.

any of the neighbours got a cat you could borrow?

If not she'll just have to move into your room till DH gets back and you'll have to seal her room off and hope it's not pregnant

Yes, you'll need them there for when you burn the house down to ensure the eight legged beast is dead!

This ^

Yes please burn the house down. Its important to make sure the big ones don't breed.

I had a massive fucker sprint across my bed last night and into my coat (which I'd lazy-bitch left on the bed). I threw the coat onto the landing for the dog to deal with and when she saw the spider she ran away down the stairs and whimpered at the back door.

Dogs are useless at dealing with spider-giants. Burn the house down and be done with it.

Sweet WHY did you put that image in our heads?!

I have an excellent spider catching kitten you can borrow. Just avert your eyes when she wanders around with a twitching leg sticking out the corner of her mouth.

The CAT! Yesss thanks all. What if the spider is pregnant?! Will the cat poop spider babies??

My house has several in every room. And slugs if I leave the roof light open. I use them to ward off visitors.

Burn the house down? That's fucking ridiculous.
Just brick up the room and plaster over it tonight. Paint tomorrow.
Log it with 101.

Ffs woman up!!! Pint glass, piece of card. (Make sure you open the window before you catch the spider!)

I love spiders and have no fear of them at all, regardless of their size. I would come and remove the spider if you were near to me OP.

I have actually just been admiring a huge fuck off spider on my stairs- a big hairy beast who was massive. My two DS were a bit but I just guided them past him and left him to scuttle away.

I realise that I probably sound nuts to all the spider haters on this thread, so I'll get my coat......

I'll come round and get it I'm like a spider. Wrangler atm my DD I's a PC if you got her she would throw you out the way to save herself

Hoover behind the wardrobe with it held at arm's length, then run outside and set fire to the vacuum cleaner on the front lawn.

If it's still there after that, take the kids and RUN!

You could try the Coastguard if you're near the sea? Then they could drown it

My favourite suggestion. Good work viking

Get the Hoover out

Oh send it to me, I'm building a collection! there's a lovely one in ds's room that eats any mosquitoes that come in, and a charming one in my bedroom that likes to stroke my cheek as I sleep. Well, or walk across it. It might be trying to eat me, I don't know. I draw the line at slugs though. For those I bury the house in salt and call in an exorcist. Good luck op, remember you're more scared of it than it is of you!

I used an entire can of Febreeze trying to has a spider our from behind the tv last week.

Still bloody smells like Harvest Breeze in here.

Have it for breakfast.

*gas

If it's the size of a bungalow and you're in London, sell it, you could make at least half a million, people will treat it like a garden canopy thing.

Have you tried a smile and a head-tilt?