To call 999?

[laurzj82]

There is a spider the size of a fucking bungalow in DD's room. OH is working abroad. No one else nearby who can help. I threw a shoe at it but missed and it's ran behind her wardrobe.

Totally acceptable to ring for the fire brigade to help, right?

Call 101 and get it logged at least!

I have a daddy long legs hanging around here! it's a spider with wings!!!

Cancel the cheque!

Hairspray will stop it for long enough to swat it properly (but I always feel a bit upset afterwards).

They like chesse ,give it some

Kill it!! Kill it dead!

Humph. You may laugh.

I get calls of this nature about the most ridiculous things. Every bloody shift. The most memorable being

"Hello love, I've just had a takeaway delivery. Do you want to hear me eat it"

No I don't. Fuck off and leave my line clear !!

#IAM999

Let me just add on to EmNetta's suggestion:

Hairspray and....a cigarette lighter. YoU know what to do.

I have a few in my bathroom. It guarantees my sister doesn't outstay her welcome. I ply her with tea but she's too shit scared to use the loo. She leaves within the hour. She hasn't figured out my plan yet.

If i could hug a spider without squishing it I would.

Humph. I get stupid calls all bloody day long. "I've got me indian takeaway, do you want to hear me eat it"

At least you're joking OP

#iam999

Have you tried the RSPCA?

YABU - if you set fire to the house you will never know if it managed to squeeze itself out through a gap in a door somewhere before the fire takes hold. Then you'll be left by the firemen to deal with no house and a very, very, unhappy and slightly singed eight-legged nightmare...

waah computer did something odd !

Move to Maui

Calm down, i've been here before. All you have to do is...

1. get a bottle of Vodka. Have 2 shots to ensure it is of sufficient proof
2. get a fuck off tub of salt and spread 3 semi circles of salt 10cm apart (and at least 1cm in diameter) around the wardrobe.
3. collect dry twigs from the garden and erect a fourth semi circle. You'll need the vodka from earlier. Take a double shot, then light the fire barrier.
4. close the bedroom door and sellotape around the door and frame
5. another double shot of vodka. You deserve it.
6. move any furniture not bolted down from the other rooms in front of sellotaped door.
7. go downstairs. Use clingfilm to wrap the stairs. More vodka
8. call a taxi (don't drink and drive people)
9. finish the bottle of vodka
10. put kids in taxi, direct it to nearest airport.
11. get on a plane to somewhere not in the midst of 'massive fuck off beasties mating season'
12. call DH, inform him you've all moved.

Sorted. See. Simple

Thanks, Clopy!

My cats would just 'look' at a spider with a certain amount of interest - but bewilderment.

Spiders kill flies. I hate flies more.
This one is behind the telly somewhere. If it comes into my bedroom it will be unceremoniously evicted. (Pint glass, cardboard and out the door.....smaller ones are allowed to co exist)

good grief that poor little arachnid is probably gutted, the way you are talking about her. She doesnt even bite, she just hangs around trapping and eating flies. For you.
Some people........

you should see the ones we keep finding drowned in the ponies water bucket shudder

I'm on my way OP, I've got two rabid chickens that'll eat anything that moves. Even the Rottweiler is scared of them. (Wish I was joking 🙄)

Cats are useless. I have four of the fuckers. They kill everything that moves outdoors but they seem to have some sort of deal with the spiders which give the spiders totally immunity. I have no idea what the cats get out of the deal.

I saw a humongous spider on the floor in DD's room as I was putting her to bed. When to get the dedicated spider catching cup and by the time I'd return he'd fucked off. I have no idea where he went but it was in his interests to hang around and get the cup treatment rather than the flip-flop treatment he's more likely to get next time.

Is there any way to deter them. We live in the country and seem to have hundreds more than we did than we lived in the city. They don't bother me that much but I'm pissed off removing cobwebs from the windows continuously.

Go all Sigorney Weaver at it and problem solved...

I call this the sink dweller