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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 16:47

Er, would that not be incest?!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 14/09/2016 16:47

He wanted you to have that money therefore you should keep it and buy a nice house for you and your family to live in. He made provision for you in a legal document i.e. his will for you to inherit a proportion of his estate.

You made the effort to keep in touch with him and he appreciated very much what you did for him when he was alive.

And what QueenJuggler wrote earlier also.

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 16:48

There's a PanGalaticGargleBlaster and a PanGalacticGargleBlaster.

BaggyCheeks · 14/09/2016 16:48

Buy the house, have a holiday. That he specifically named you in his will to receive this money speaks volumes about how he thought of you, it would be disrespectful to go against that.

CrabbyJo · 14/09/2016 16:48

I haven't told my father because it was my mothers father who left me money. Why should I tell him, that's my mothers choice to tell her husband she's come into money, it's not my place

PanGalacticGargleBlaster · 14/09/2016 16:50

Hanks v much. In my post-nights tiredness I couldn't see a spelling difference and it really confused me.

Sorry OP for derailing. (Enjoy your new house)

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 14/09/2016 16:50

Yes i think it would...maybe she is his favourite relative.the only one who cared enough to keep in touch...

blankmind · 14/09/2016 16:51

He left it to you, keep it and enjoy it, that's what he wanted.

Your Grandad can also choose who he leaves his inheritance to alongside any of his own assets when the time comes, he may wish to share things out equally between his own offspring, or his grandchildren, or family rifts and disagreements may make him favour some family members and leave others with nothing.

It doesn't matter, there's no 'fair and equal entitlement' to any family member's inheritance, it's left to the people the deceased wanted to have it.

You took the time and trouble to be kind to an ageing old chap the rest of your relatives didn't, and he was so touched by your actions, he decided you could do with some financial help to make your life a bit better. Accept his gift with good grace and enjoy it.

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 14/09/2016 16:52

Blank mind sums it up perfectly x

MrsHulk · 14/09/2016 16:52

Keep it!

Whatever you share out, some people will always think they should have got more, or think that you kept too much. People are very funny about money.

Your GU wanted you to have that money, an it will be great for you and your DC.

trappedinsuburbia · 14/09/2016 16:54

You could always say it was a condition in the will that the money was to be used to purchase a house? That way your kind of coming clean.

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 16:55

Ah I see PanG - I thought it was some sort of trick question!

Purplebluebird · 14/09/2016 16:55

I would not tell anyone how much you inherited, and I'd buy a house. Perhaps selfish, but I'd look after my own family first - not help others with their wedding etc.

Chattymummyhere · 14/09/2016 16:56

Buy your house. No matter how much you gave to who so wine would complain. People don't even need to know you've brought the house you could very well be renting for all anybody else needs to know unless you go telling people you have just brought a house.

sleepyowl12 · 14/09/2016 16:57

I would share equally. (I am on low income)

BaggyCheeks · 14/09/2016 16:58

trapped She doesn't have to say anything, it's in the will that that amount was to go directly to her, and it's up to her how she uses it. If they're going to take the hump with her good fortune, they'll do it regardless of what she says.

IGIG · 14/09/2016 16:58

I would use it to make my family comfortable, put some toward my children and then if there's any money left I'd perhaps treat my mom. It's your money now.

Jinxxx · 14/09/2016 16:59

Er, would that not be incest?!

Not as far as we know. Bringing up another family member's child might be fostering or adoption, but I can't see how it would be incest.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/09/2016 17:00

It's not a bad idea suburbia but isn't the GF the executor? Anyone suspicious might even ask to be shown the will, which could potentially make things worse

Call me naive, but I'm a great believer in being straightforward about such things right from the start. Granted some may moan and bitch, but if they'd have done that anyway surely it's better to get it out of the way?

greenfolder · 14/09/2016 17:00

its a random great uncle. none of you expected to inherit directly. no doubt your granddad will divvy some of his windfall up at a point either soon or in his will.
I would keep it and keep quiet. Buy a house. In my experience only sensible to even up if its inequitable. eg my friends brother was left £10k and her £2k by an aunt on the basis that the aunt had old fashioned ideas. He adjusted it so they got £6k each- very close siblings and wouldn't have done anything else.

PikachuSayBoo · 14/09/2016 17:04

Even if you gave say 5k to everyone chances are there would still be a falling out as people would still say it wasnt fair.

So either split it 9 ways or keep it. I would keep it! Especially as your grandad is saying he would be discrete. Sounds like you had a better relationship with your great uncle than your cousins/siblings.

Stopyourhavering · 14/09/2016 17:12

Oh, don't wills just bring out the best and worst in families....when my mum died she shared her flat (£90k) between my db and myself, which helped us both substantially in paying off debts and such like....(we also have step b and step sis from my dad's side of family, who died 30 yrs ago and had no will or any life insurance )
My brother and I visited regularly but ss and sb , who lived closer, visited infrequently
After mums funeral my ds took me to one side and said she was 'disappointed' my dm ( not her mum!) had not left anything to her or my brother....despite the fact they're both 15 &18 yrs older than me and don't have a mortgage or any dependants
On the plus side my brother and I are now much closer but I haven't spoken to my step sister or brother in over 6 years
Enjoy the money you have inherited and live YOUR life

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 14/09/2016 17:15

Another keep it vote.

Posters saying they'd share it etc, that's based on your family relationship, not everyone's is the same. Did your brothers or cousins visit or bother to FaceTime etc? Also it's a great uncle it's not like a parent have done this which imho would be a different kettle of fish.

5Foot5 · 14/09/2016 17:16

If he specifically chose to leave it to you then I think it would be disrespectful of his wishes to start giving it to the others.

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 17:16

Sorry, I misread the bit where you said 'brought you up AS her own' as 'ON her own' and thought you were blithely suggesting the OP's mother had had a child with her own uncle!

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