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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've inherited a substantial amount of money, family haven't, help!

347 replies

OopsIdidagain · 14/09/2016 14:58

My great uncle (grandads brother) died in January. He has left me quite a lot of money.

GU had no children, but did have a will. He was very well off. His will left everything to my GDad (huge 9 bedroom house with 2 acres of garden, a 4 bed holiday home and a horse) apart from £300k which he left to me. It is of course is a huge amount of money.

I don't understand why he left it to me.

He moved away from us 10 years ago, when I was 16. He used to live in the next village to us. My mum and her two sisters would visit once a week each I'd often tag along with my mum. He was a lovely man, he'd always give me pocket money or sweets when I was younger.

When he moved, he moved to be closer to his sister who then moved to Australia 5 years ago. He never moved back. I would email him often, and when my daughter was born I'd Facetime him with her a few times a month.

The money will be a huge help. But I feel so sorry for my mum and her sisters - they're his nieces and got nothing. I also have 2 brothers, and 3 cousins who also have got nothing. I don't know whether it's because I'm the only girl in my generation.

Should I give some money to my brothers and cousins? Currently only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out. I'm close to my brothers and the girlfriend and children of one of my cousins, but I can't just single out one of my cousins can I?

I really would like to buy a house. Currently living in a small 2 bed flat with DH and DD and the cat the money will enable us to buy a lovely 3/4 bed house in a decent area closer to my GDad, which also happens to be near a really good primary school, with a bit left over for a holiday. DH has never been on holiday.

But I want to help the cousin who's girlfriend and children are my friends. They're getting married in 2018.

What the hell do I do? Keep all the money or share it?

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 14/09/2016 16:30

Giving people money can lead to resentment later on.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/09/2016 16:31

by the way the people I know who were left money and shared it - they were siblings and their father's mother (their GM) died and left them and their father a considerable amount - however father's siblings got nothing.

the siblings (2 of them) discussed this felt it was unfair and agreed to give the siblings (about 2 of them) a portion of their inheritance. It was agreed and I think the siblings thought this was fair. the father had been an alcoholic, domestic abuse with their mother etc so wasn't an angel by any means. GM probably chose to ignore that fact but rewarded him and the siblings (her GC).

I think in this case it works but as long as there is discussion.

was your mum a blood relation?

NoFucksImAQueen · 14/09/2016 16:31

Are you the hardest up out of your siblings/ cousins? You mention the small flat and I'm wondering if that's why.
Also you facetimed him a couple of times a week and went to see him when you were younger. I kind of feel like you're minimising how much you did in fact keep in touch. Did the others do similar?

MorrisZapp · 14/09/2016 16:31

I work with wills every day. I've seen it all, including a trust being instructed to ensure that 'nobody of the Jewish faith is to benefit from my estate'.

People can leave their money to whoever the heck they like, and no reasons are required as long as they're of sound mind. It is what it is.

kath6144 · 14/09/2016 16:31

How do people buy a house and keep it quiet?

No one needs to know how you have funded the purchase! My cousin's 2 daughters, also beneficiaries to my other cousin's estate as per my last post, have just bought houses - one was single and never owned, her sister was divorced and had rented since divorce.

I know they have had some comments from friends (and the exH of the divorced sister) about how they have afforded to buy. They have just kept quiet - it is no one's business.

They do expect it may come out at some point, as their cousin, also a beneficiary, lives in same area and is quite outspoken, but for now, they don't have to explain to anyone how or why they have afforded a house!

SuperFlyHigh · 14/09/2016 16:33

If you buy a house - you will be set for life - little or no money worries. you can then choose if you wish to gift amounts to your cousin etc.

once this money is split bang goes your chances of buying a house or reduces the chance greatly as your share of the money would cover a good deposit and not much else.

QueenJuggler · 14/09/2016 16:34

You stayed in touch in a really beautiful way, that likely made an elderly man feel loved and part of your family.

I think you'll probably find that none of the others made the effort.

Hence why you got the money.

Don't give it away - it's yours by right. Think of it as honouring GU's wishes.

Vlier · 14/09/2016 16:34

Tell your granddad to keep quiet about the money because you don't want a family rift. Then tell everyone you or your DH (whichever is the easiest option) won the lottery.

NoFucksImAQueen · 14/09/2016 16:36

Honestly op buy the house have the holiday.
You've said yourself your grandad will share his money which, lets face it, is going to be significantly more than what you have.
You made the effort, he obviously likes you and wanted to help you out.
If your family are annoyed even though they'll still get something from you gp then they need to give their head a wobble.

opheliaamongthelillies · 14/09/2016 16:37
  1. Like others have said you are probably the only cousin who kept in touch and I don't think you should worry about the others.
  2. He may have thought that your Grandad will leave lots of it to your mum and her sisters(so they all be will be provided for)
  3. Not sure regarding your brothers- again maybe he thinks they will eventually inherit your Grandad's (from your mum) Not sure if that helps make you feel less guilty but he left it to you for a reason, he obviously wanted to. I would definitely buy your house! :)
FruitCider · 14/09/2016 16:37

If someone left me that amount of money I would take the family on a good holiday then keep the rest of it. It's yours, you are entitled to it, don't feel guilty about keeping your inheritance!

KERALA1 · 14/09/2016 16:38

He left it to you - that was his wish and should be respected. I also work with wills and like Morris yes you see all sorts of interesting situations!

My grandmother was left a beautiful cottage in a lovely part of England by a lady in her village who had no children and felt sorry for my granny (her father was the village vicar who died aged 42 and she was the only girl with 4 brothers). Frankly this kind act changed her life, she owned a house. She married a lovely but not wealthy man so this was a massive deal that impacted my mothers life too. There was no question that she share it with her brothers.

amusedbush · 14/09/2016 16:38

I would keep every penny. That amount of money is life changing - you'll be mortgage free on a lovely home and set for life.

Don't feel guilty, he obviously wanted you to have that full amount. If he had wanted everyone else to have money, they would have been in his will.

PanGalacticGargleBlaster · 14/09/2016 16:38

Can anyone tell my the username of the first reply to the OP?

Idliketobeabutterfly · 14/09/2016 16:38

He wanted you to have it. Honour his wishes and buy the property.

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 16:38

I wonder how the sister in Australia feels knowing that she was disregarded in her brother's will, when they were previously close enough for him to move to be nearer to her when they were both in the UK.
Nothing to do with anything I know - just musing!

OP - keep the money.

opheliaamongthelillies · 14/09/2016 16:39

P.S What QueenJuggler said!

MitzyLeFrouf · 14/09/2016 16:40

I just know that I'd give some of it to my siblings. My brother used to pop £1000 in my bank account a couple of times a year when I was a student. It was so generous of him and really helped me out.

I suppose it's about how close you are to them. £10K to each sibling is still going to leave you a massive amount of money.

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 14/09/2016 16:41

His money.his choice...yr very lucky...enjoy it and don't feel bad

GingerbreadCake · 14/09/2016 16:42

I'd help immediate family and to me that is parents and siblings but I'd keep the rest for my own family.

Jinxxx · 14/09/2016 16:43

I think you are probably your uncle's love child. Your lovely mum has brought you up as her own. Everyone else in the family knows, and are now holding their breaths to see whether you will work it out. They are wondering how they will deflect you without spilling the beans if you try to share out your rightful inheritance.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 14/09/2016 16:43

If you buy a house within your means you will be mortgage-free. That will mean that you have more disposable income to treat your other relatives to things from time to time. I'd leave it at that.

Presumably the other relatives will inherit from the grandparent when the time comes?

Lunchboxlewiswillyoumarryme · 14/09/2016 16:45

Interesting thought jinx ...could that be possible op?

MargotLovedTom · 14/09/2016 16:45

Eh PanGalatic? Why do you want people to tell you your user name?

Should it not be galactic?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/09/2016 16:46

only me and my grandad know about the money, but when it comes out it could cause a huge argument and fall out

I think this says a great deal frankly, and suggests that with so many relatives involved, giving any of it away might cause more problems than it solves. Even if you gave away out the lot - which would obviously be ridiculous - there could still be arguments if some decided they merited a bigger slice

Imperial was correct that your immediate family should be the priority now, especially with the security this amount of money can offer you all. Your GU wanted you to have it, and for me that would be that

Just one thing though: I honestly wouldn't try to keep it secret. These things always get out in the end, and the after effects of that could be even worse if some of the family take it as an admission that you "shouldn't really have had it at all"