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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

312 replies

MamaDuckling · 13/09/2016 21:51

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

OP posts:
YokoUhOh · 14/09/2016 11:11

inlove I teach at a comprehensive secondary school and my classroom management is second to none, the kids behave beautifully. Luckily DS1 doesn't live in that sort of environment - he feels free to make mistakes and be a bit more chilled out than in other settings. We model good behaviour but early mornings are just part of his development at this stage. I'm sure it will pass.

tighterthanscrooge · 14/09/2016 11:13

Id be encouraging DS to make as much noise as he likes. You said you wanted your own villa, they said they wanted you and your kids there. I had this with my brother last year when 6mo DD woke once in the night after a nightmare and disturbed his film! Why are you sacrificing your children's enjoyment of the holiday to accommodate other adults? They are bloody children!

CheshireChat · 14/09/2016 11:19

Good grief, there's only so much you can do to keep a child quiet and while I'd probably compromise on holiday so I wouldn't disturb everyone else I'd rather my son didn't have 2hrs of peppa pig every day.

I have a child a bit like inlove's- naturally a fairly late riser like his me and you could gently tweak his routine to sleep in/ wake up early depending on what we had to do.

Until he decided he really doesn't like sleep so much and I turned into a zombie for a couple of weeks. Luckily, I wasn't a smug arse before that.

I'd just take the car and say it's for their sake if they complain.

Bambamrubblesmum · 14/09/2016 11:19

Just sit back and wait for the karma bus to arrive when your brother has kids Grin

Lesson learnt, go with your gut feeling in future and don't be swayed. You know what works for your family.

Enjoy your day!

CheshireChat · 14/09/2016 11:22

Oh, I sounded awfully judgy about watching TV, just a preference and I remember putting the news on for my then 4 month old so I get why you'd do it with a non sleeping baby.

insan1tyscartching · 14/09/2016 11:28

Glad you are having a better day. We went on holiday with df when ours were 3 and eighteen months. We had a villa and they stayed in a hotel it was the only way we would have gone tbh as with little ones there is always a different timetable.

diddl · 14/09/2016 14:17

"Conveniently they don't remember my suggestion that we stayed elsewhere."

Hmm

Have you got your rooms back?

Lymmmummy · 14/09/2016 14:55

Oh God poor you

I think the lesson is next time if their is a next time don't "ask" permission to hire a separate villa - "tell" them you have decided to hire a separate villa - no consultation required

PrimalLass · 14/09/2016 15:13

Primal - keep a civil tongue. This is a discussion site, not a playground of teenagers.

But it's fine to be smugger than smug to a poster struggling with PND, clearly.

PrimalLass · 14/09/2016 15:16

I'll say it more politely: you don't sound very nice.

heron98 · 14/09/2016 16:05

I'm 35 and am up at 5am most mornings. I am, and always have been, an early riser.

Some people are just morning types and no amount of black out blinds would make me sleep til 10am! I would hate to be on holiday creeping around until mid morning so as not to make any noise. What a waste of the day.

DiscoMike · 14/09/2016 16:10

One of the nicest things my brother has ever done for me is to offer to babysit from 6am until 8am Grin

Hope your holiday improves Mama Do you have your suggestion of staying somewhere else in writing?

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2016 16:12

Buy yourself a groclock heron because anyone can be taught to be a slugabed. ANYONE!!! It's just SPINELESS AND INCONSIDERATE. It's not innate at all.

I really want to know how I could have made DD stay in bed. She had a later bedtime than all her little friends, more energy and still woke up before 5am.

Of course she ate kale, broccoli and beets. Which was all my amazing parenting and not anything innate (see how stupid that idea is).

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 16:32

DiscoMike.... I spent an hour this morning trying to find written documentation of my suggestion (sad, hey), just to throw it in their lazy faces. Sadly not, I think it was on a now deleted whatsapp thread....

OP posts:
oldlaundbooth · 14/09/2016 17:15

Ah, OP, I feel your pain!!

Our 'holiday' for the last two years has been as you describe!! HORRENDOUS. And it wasn't even my family, it was DH's!!

DS waking early, 6am. Ready for action, ready to play and be a toddler. Trying to keep him quiet whilst the in laws sleep off the cheap white wine till 10am. Attempting to take DS for a walk in the morning, to get out of the house, but you can only do that for so long.

You cannot teach a toddler to keep quiet - you just can't.

And the fact that they had you switch rooms is just bollocks - they knew they were holidaying with a young family, what did they expect.

I can't wait to see your brother in two years time, ho ho ho. Will he ever eat humble pie.

And I'd put money on Ilove NOT Having kids.

oldlaundbooth · 14/09/2016 17:16

'One of the nicest things my brother has ever done for me is to offer to babysit from 6am until 8am grin'

YES. I second this.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/09/2016 17:21

use the rooms you paid for and that's an end to it.

if they say no then find a hotel nearby.

oldlaundbooth · 14/09/2016 17:22

'I guess we went along with their insisting on us being together because I thought that actually people might muck in a bit more with DC and I'd get a break.'

This too.

People don't help, they just coo occasionally and then walk away.

The only person who gives a fuck is BIL. He will actually say 'I'll watch DS for an hour'. He's the only one.

YokoUhOh · 14/09/2016 17:34

We went away with PILs to CenterParcs this weekend. They stayed in a hotel room, we had a lodge. MIL insisted that they always got up at 7am but we didn't see them until gone 9am every morning. By which point we'd (I'd) been up for 4 hours or more with DS1 and DS2.

The other fucking annoying thing they did was say, 'but you said meet at 1.30' when we KNEW we'd said 1pm. Basically, gaslighting the shit out of us Hmm and making an excitable DS1 hang around.

Sympathy OP Flowers

flippinada · 14/09/2016 17:47

Duckling this sounds like less of a holiday and more of an ordeal to be endured.

What jumps out is that your family are bullying you all. They really don't sound very nice - actually they sound bloody awful - especially your brother. It's very telling indeed that your brother mocks you when you're exhausted and suffering from PND, calls you foul names and doesn't get pulled up on it. I bet you wouldn't be allowed to get away with that, would you? (Not suggesting you would do that).

It's going home a possibility? Because if so, I would.

flippinada · 14/09/2016 17:52

If going home isn't an option but accommodation is available elsewhere (and affordable) then do that. You don't have to do what your family says!

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 18:03

"I worked bloody hard for years to ensure my kids became considerate of others in relation to noise and it fucks me off when other people don't make a similar effort."

It took you years, huh?

Well, OP's son has existed for two years, her daughter less than one.

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 18:04

And agree with flippin re brother - his language to you is far more unacceptable than missing a 10am lie in.

Inlove, any judgement on the DBro?

flippinada · 14/09/2016 18:13

I'm surprised more people haven't picked up on the brothers behaviour going seemingly unchallenged. He sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work.

PikachuBoo · 14/09/2016 18:14

Hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday Duckling.

My babies/toddlers were horrifically early risers. In the end the HV just told me 5am was 'normal' in terms of human evolution, and not to drive myself mad by trying to change their time clocks.

Even now, as teens/nearly teens they go to bed far earlier than their friends. My 13 yr old has had to be woken in the morning twice, ever, including terrible travel starts.

We couldn't 'model' staying in bed until seven as my DH frequently had to get up for a flight or an early train at 5 or 6am. How can you explain to a baby that they have to stay in bed when Daddy is allowed to get up and have toast? Answer - you can't.

DC1 was diagnosed later with autism. We had no idea he had special needs as a baby but it certainly explains why he could not change his sleep pattern, whatever we did. DC2 followed suit.

inlovewithhubby You know only of your own children and life and nothing of anybody else's. Please don't preach so. It makes you look extraordinarily devoid of any understanding.

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