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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

312 replies

MamaDuckling · 13/09/2016 21:51

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 14/09/2016 21:20

No problem, just put Paw Patrol on the ipad very loudly at 6am for your DS! And lots of sugar to perk him up even more Chocolate

Topseyt · 14/09/2016 21:35

Have you looked into and costed up alternative accommodation?

Is anything available or affordable?

Sorry if I missed it.

0pti0na1 · 14/09/2016 21:50

Yes, what do you think about moving to other accommodation or just going home early? Your expectations clearly aren't compatible. I'd pack up, smile, say it's been lovely but we have things to do at home, and leave.

Don't fall out with your family, just be certain you're not going to go with this arrangement in the future.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/09/2016 22:32

Go out there and tell them you moved rooms at their insistence so you want them to shut the fuck up would appreciate some consideration and they can take it outside like they normally do.

Or just go and sleep in their beds. Without telling them.

JudyCoolibar · 14/09/2016 22:49

Go and reclaim the room your DM nicked. She must have already had another one so I still don't understand what was going on there.

Inlove, my children have never had to ask me to keep the music down when they're trying to sleep. I worked out that failing to do so would be totally inconsiderate from roughly the moment DC1 was born. You may not be as well fitted to give parenting advice as you believe.

MissPattie · 14/09/2016 23:41

I totally love ilove's username. She's right. We should all love our hubby-wubbys.

But I must know do you think she used a whistle to train her children? Could we club together and send the OP one to help her I still some discipline into her 2 year old?
And as for the family meetings... Well, I bet the time just flies by on gilded wings.

OP - YNBU. And everyone who has been with family on a difficult holiday is with you in spirit

OOAOML · 15/09/2016 10:09

I am innately prejudiced against the word 'hubby', it sets my teeth on edge. Only one step up from 'hubster'.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/09/2016 10:21

OP I can't understand why the members of your family affected by the noise don't just use earplugs?

Last year when holidaying with 3 friends I took my earplugs and eye mask.

This year with a friend at mum's holiday home I took earplugs and eye mask and my friend bought ear plugs - mum's new neighbours have a charming cockerel! (Actually miss him he was a very effective alarm clock!).

Why can't your relatives help or help themselves rather than being total arses?

Sorry but this would cast a cloud over future get togethers with them as effectively they've tried to ruin your holiday which you and your DH have paid for. I'd be fuming in fact I'm Angry on your behalf. They're not thinking about you and your DH having a holiday which you've paid for are they??

EenyMeenyMo · 15/09/2016 10:39

I cannot believe all the smart arse comments about teaching children to lie in. I have a 6 year old who regards lying in as torture - he is wide awake and ready to go -we have got him to a stage where he is not supposed to come into us before 530 or go downstairs before 630 but its not natural for him - he sees daylight and thats it. He gets up then he's hungry and full of beans. We also have friends whose children don't wake up unless woken and have to be given time to feel like breakfast. Children are different. I remember as a child being wide awake at dawn (DM says that i deserve DS's habits)

We have holidayed with other people for years- all of whom know DS and his habits and all of whom are tolerant of it. I do try and keep him quiet - but not to a ridiculous degree and to be honest definitely not up to 10. In the same way I don't demand that they tiptoe around after DS's bedtime - its give and take.

Prole · 15/09/2016 15:19

When I was a nipper, I was banned from ever waking up anyone in the morning. I entertained myself (quietly) until someone got up.

Just me then?

MerylPeril · 15/09/2016 15:40

Prole I bet it wasn't 10am though!

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/09/2016 15:46

Times change, Prole. I was always a pretty well-behaved child because I was scared of my mum. She then wondered at how 'spirited' my DC are and I had to bite my lip not to say anything Angry

The point is, children don't always respond the same way we remember responding at their age, because they don't live in fear of the same consequences we probably had.

Prole · 15/09/2016 15:54

er..yes 10 am or later was often the case. Not sure why you'd assume otherwise.

SolomanDaisy · 15/09/2016 15:56

You weren't two prole. If you had been you wouldn't be able to remember it. So your experience is irrelevant to these very young children.

MrEBear · 15/09/2016 16:11

Op how are you doing?
Hope you are managing to salvage something out of your holiday. Have the rest of the family started to see your point?

JassyRadlett · 15/09/2016 16:46

When I was a nipper, I was banned from ever waking up anyone in the morning. I entertained myself (quietly) until someone got up.

Aged 2?

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 15/09/2016 16:52

Hi all, I spoke at length with DB (and DP's) yesterday evening in an attempt to salvage the last few days....

DB has conceded that he knows nothing about child care/raising and that he was out of line to suggest we weren't doing enough to contain the noise. He apologised, saying he had DM's interests at heart (she has helped me with the children this summer), rather than mine or DH/DC's. It also came to light that he thinks I'm spoilt and always get my own way (I think this must go way back to our childhood).

So there's some tension still and we definitely won't be hurrying to book a holiday like this again, but we are trying to move on.

Urgh Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaDuckling · 15/09/2016 16:52

I just wrote a long update but it's disappeared....

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaDuckling · 15/09/2016 16:53

Oh and DH and I have done largely our own thing with the kids since yesterday which is far more enjoyable and way less stressful.

Wine in hand now, breathe.....

OP posts:
PikachuBoo · 15/09/2016 17:08

Did he apologise for calling you a fucking bitch? Hope things are calmer now Flowers.

Niloufes · 15/09/2016 17:10

I feel sorry for you but not a jot for them. You warned them this is what would happen. I would suggest you and your DH take it in turns to sleep in the box room so you can both get some proper rest at least 1 night out of two.

Topseyt · 15/09/2016 17:11

I can see the update.

Well done for saying what needed to be said. Have your own holidays from now on.

We used to go to my MIL's apartment in Majorca when our children were small. Sometimes we would end up visiting when MIL was actually there, or overlapping. She often borrowed a friend's apartment then, but even separate apartments in the same complex didn't really work.

These big holidays with the extended family are all well and good in theory, but in practice they often just don't work at all. Too many people with too many different requirements, all wanting different things and all clashing. Hardly a utopia as you just end up waiting for the next family bust up to happen.

As has been said, your brother will very probably be in for quite a shock and a dose of reality when his own child is born.

flippinada · 15/09/2016 17:12

Glad to hear you've managed to get a resolution of sorts Duckling, although it's still no excuse for the way he spoke to you.

Hope you can enjoy the rest of the holiday.

Prole · 15/09/2016 17:16

yes at 2. I remember being 2 - moved to a big city but retained my tricycle so all was well. The cat gave birth in my room and the wallpaper was stripey...

In my 20s, I went back to the small town I lived in prior to aged 2. I remembered where I lived, where the nearest shop was and the alley cut through to the park.

randomer · 15/09/2016 17:18

I would sort of rotate kids and sleep. Whoever gets up early with them is owed a nap in the afternoon. And I would include all the bloody family in this.

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