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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

312 replies

MamaDuckling · 13/09/2016 21:51

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 10:01

Funnily enough, it is loads of fun in my house despite having rules. Having clear boundaries doesn't mean you are no fun, it means you have boundaries which kids need and welcome. We have a very democratic household with family meetings and house rules which the kids are equally involved in making. They decide on rules same as us. One of the rules involves consideration of other people in relation to noise, and it goes both ways. We aren't allowed to play music at full blast when the kids are trying to sleep - very reasonable request. Teaching our kids to be quiet and considerate has actually given them the confidence to tell us when we are being unreasonable. Makes for a very happy household.

Re the rather silly NC comment about my kids, no one in real life 'goes NC' - it's a mumsnet phrase for what they believe to be a justified falling out. It happens, but not as frequently as mumsnet would have you believe. Most people in RL sort things out, or agree to differ, unless of course it's abuse related in which case NC is the only sensible option. So stop being so silly.

Creativemode · 14/09/2016 10:05

Inlove the ops ds is two so I'm guessing the youngest is under one year old. They're a bit young for family meetings.

Although, I'm not surprised your kids sleep it's sounds like you bore them to sleep.

YokoUhOh · 14/09/2016 10:12

creative Grin

My nearly 4yo DS has only just learnt to whisper, and he still forgets. It's developmental, he just couldn't do it before a few months ago.

OP I am pissing myself at your Dbro's ridiculous expectations, and I wish him a non-sleeping early-riser and a big 'told you so' from you. I might be bitter as DS1 doesn't do lie-ins...

Notonthestairs · 14/09/2016 10:30

Your brother goes to a hotel or gets some ear plugs.

MyGastIsFlabbered · 14/09/2016 10:31

Inlove you're the gift that just keeps on giving aren't you? Hmm

Notonthestairs · 14/09/2016 10:35

ps Inlove - did your children request that you didn't play your music "full blast" whilst they were trying to sleep? They actually said those words?
So at some point you had played your music full blast when they were trying to sleep?
How weird.

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 10:35

I'm enjoying this thread now....

We have taken the minibus to a beach club for the day. DS is playing loudly, DD napping in the buggy, and DH and I have had a lovely brunch.

I had a word with DM this morning, I explained that we would no longer be tying to contain the noise seeing as they had all complained when we did anyway. I said it's a shame it hasn't worked out, we won't do the same next year.

Conveniently they don't remember my suggestion that we stayed elsewhere.....

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 10:36

Maybe darling bro will try to get his kids to be more considerate instead, having seen how annoying it is to have the noise of someone else's children inflicted on them. Kids can whisper long before age 4, to suggest otherwise is apologetic madness. It's along the lines of that infamous thread about the woman who wondered why people were fucked off that her child was running around during a service - because it's annoying and no one else should have to suffer major impact from somebody else's children. You might find them charming when they are noisy, you might apologise that that can't whisper developmentally until they are 4, you might say noise at 6am is acceptable, but the op's situation shows that there are very many people who do not.

However, I do accept that the op's family have somewhat created their own situation. I can't imagine they will be holidaying together again in the immediate future. And no doubt someone somewhere will go fucking 'NC' like a teenager with her friends. Good luck to all of them.

YokoUhOh · 14/09/2016 10:37

Sounds great mama - enjoy brunch!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2016 10:38

Sure they don't remember Hmm. Glad the thread is helping lighten your mood. Pity you don't have the RL support - me neither Smile.

inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 10:39

Notonthestairs - do you not have parties? Have friends round? We do, a lot. And we now are more considerate of the situation while our kids are trying to get to sleep. Once they are asleep the tunes go back up. Everyone is happy.

Creativemode · 14/09/2016 10:41

"Once they are asleep the tunes go back up".
*
Hmm* oh the irony

YokoUhOh · 14/09/2016 10:41

inlove I'm afraid we tried everything with DS1 and he just didn't get it. He still wakes early and wants to play. He's also fantastically kind, caring, considerate and polite so I don't apologise for not making him lie in bed until 7am with his indoor voice.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2016 10:42

inlove it does depend upon the child. Just because you don't have the experience of having a noisy child, it doesn't mean all children can whisper and be shushed before they're out of nappies. All you're really saying is "I really can't see anyone else's PoV or understand their life experiences". It's very common. Ops parents and brother are acting in the same way.

ChatEnOeuf · 14/09/2016 10:42

You're being completely reasonable - keeping two kids quiet for two hours is no mean feat! After that time, noise and fun is fair game. They don't like it? Well, may I suggest the following?
Earplugs
They find a hotel room
They take an afternoon nap
They go to bed earlier

You warned them, you offered a solution. They said it wouldn't be a problem - therefore it isn't your problem, they made their bed and now they need to lie in it (or they could get up and spend some time with their family).

I do hope your DB (and his wife, Inlove, who has read a book but has no real experience?) see how monumentally stupid they are being when their baby makes an appearance.

FWIW, DD has always been a fairly terrible sleeper but was never an early riser (all night waking does that to you sometimes!). Now at 5 she's up between 6:30 and 7 every day, because that's when we have to get up so I can get to work/her to school on time. That doesn't change in the holidays, much as we'd love it to!

Secretmetalfan · 14/09/2016 10:42

Tell them you warned them and wanted another villa so they can't complain. If they think its so easy to keep kids quiet suggest that you will send them into their rooms tomorrow morning so they can sort it out. Move back into the decent rooms and suggest if anyone wants a lie in they pile into the downstairs room. Never go on holiday again with them

HanYOLO · 14/09/2016 10:47

MOVE BACK TO THE MORE APPROPRIATE ROOMS

STAND FIRM

HAVE A LOVELY HOLIDAY

MoreCoffeeNow · 14/09/2016 10:49

Actually, OP, I think you should go next year and demand that the new parents keep their kid quiet.

MrEBear · 14/09/2016 10:58

Glad you have at least spoken with your mum. I hope that she realises that pushing for quiet is really pushing you away. I never actually told my ILs that it won't be happening again but doesn't take a genius to work it out. Really I don't think anyone actually enjoyed that holiday with everyone in the same place.
Do what you can do to enjoy your holiday. Kids are only little once.

inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 10:58

Actually Dragon, my children are incredibly noisy, heavy footed, sometimes ear piercingly loud. They just know not to be like that when people are asleep.

It's not that I have easy children (I don't), particularly compliant children ( I don't), particularly good sleepers ( I don't) or children who are naturally quiet (categorically not). I don't think I know it all ( I don't) and it's not that I can't see your point of view (I too have had to make a massive effort to keep kids quiet and/or out of the way on a family holiday until everyone is awake - it can be hard work) - it's just that I disagree on what is acceptable, plain and simple. I worked bloody hard for years to ensure my kids became considerate of others in relation to noise and it fucks me off when other people don't make a similar effort.

RaspberryOverload · 14/09/2016 11:00

inlovewithhubby
No handbook, just consistent rules and discipline. And behaviour modelling - behave as we want them to behave. It's not rocket science.

You got lucky, that's all.

I have 2 DCs who have been parented the same. We have been consistent, etc, but with different outcomes. Because the child's personality also affect outcomes. Children are all different, some respond to this sort of thing, and others don't and you find other methods that help.

honkinghaddock · 14/09/2016 11:02

No some kids can whisper before the age of 4. Some can't. Ds probably never will. They are all different.

Yokohamajojo · 14/09/2016 11:03

How ridiculous trying to suggest keeping a 2 yo absolutely quiet until 10 am! yes if mine woke up at 4/5 then I would make an effort to try and teach them to sleep on until at least 6 but 6 is morning in my opinion and everyone's sleep patterns are different. In my world it's very unusual for adults to lie in until 10am even on a holiday. Yes lie in bed and relax but to sleep until 10, I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Saying that I do realise that everyone is different! We went on holiday in a similar setting with my in laws, my sister in law and our niece and our two children then 2 and 4. Our kids sleep quite late but my sister in law gets up at 6-7. If you go away with lots of people surely that involves compromise! Well done OP for standing your ground. Hope it gets better

Notonthestairs · 14/09/2016 11:04

Inlove - and yet your children had to ask you to be more considerate about your music....

Anyway the point is the OP has tried and is trying to keep the noise down. She's not ignoring them. If she were letting them run riot that would be unacceptable - she's trying, so give her some credit.

Enjoy the beach Op!

DartmoorDoughnut · 14/09/2016 11:07

Ah so it's not the kids inlove it's your superior parenting, but of course!