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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

312 replies

MamaDuckling · 13/09/2016 21:51

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 14/09/2016 06:36

Your family are treating you terribly. We go on holiday with extended family and currently are the only ones with a child. Yes, he gets up earlier than adults. You know what people do? Take it in turns to get up with him, so we get a lie in sometimes! We'll do the same when other people have kids.

divafever99 · 14/09/2016 06:41

Yadnbu. This sounds like hell. It's hard enough going away with small children without all this hassle. You offered to stay in a different villa, they said no so they need to suck it up. I hope your brother gets a dc like mine that wakes at 5:30am!

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2016 06:42

I agree, if possible, leave. They sound like a pack of bullies, who have ganged up on you. Diabolical. Flowers

WanderingTrolley1 · 14/09/2016 06:52

That all sounds very stressful, OP!

I wouldn't entertain the idea of holidaying with them again.

inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 06:53

Re the 'you can't force a child to sleep'- no if course you can't. But a repeated, consistent approach that X time is night time does work - it becomes no different to 2am - unacceptable.

My kids aren't perfect by any stretch. One took significantly longer to 'get' this rule but we persevered because the alternative is caving in and I don't think that does kids any good. I don't consider my parenting perfect in any way. But I DO consider it my job to teach my kids basic good manners and being quiet in the mornings or while others are sleeping is definitely good manners.

this isn't about when you put your kids to bed op, it's about teaching them to respect the others in the household if their routine is different. If an adult crashed cymbals outside your door at 6sm you'd call the police, why is it any more acceptable to just allow a child to wake a whole sleeping house?

Shakey15000 · 14/09/2016 06:58

If I could afford to move to a hotel, I would. And stop ferrying them around as suggested by a pp. If not then I'd be heading home. And sod your DH sulking he needs to be shoulders to shoulders with you Flowers

Your DB will have his eyes opened soon Smile

Shakey15000 · 14/09/2016 07:00

You're assuming what works for yours will work for everyone ilove It doesn't always.

AnnPerkins · 14/09/2016 07:01

Blimey. I don't want to lay around in bed until 10am on holiday either! I'm not 15.

Don't waste your family holiday martyring yourselves to your family and waiting for your brother to get his comeuppance. Go home or find somewhere to yourselves. It's not going to get any better is it?

JudyCoolibar · 14/09/2016 07:03

Why has your DM taken one of your rooms? Didn't she have one of her own? Is she paying you for it?

I'd be tempted to make a sign quoting what they said about accepting that families come with noise and of course you mustn't take a separate villa, and then just hold it up to them as soon as they start whinging about being woken up.

nephrofox · 14/09/2016 07:04

Fuck that salutary, I wouldn't be leaving any kind of note like that.

This isn't a freebie, or staying as a guest. They have PAID for this holiday. OP find your backbone and get your room back. One adult with each child, then at least they're not waking each other up. Then enjoy your bloody holiday. Stop driving people around if they can't be nice to you. Maybe get a separate car if running off with the main one would be mean, but get out there and have some fun with your family.

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:04

Some of you have hit the nail on the head - I guess we went along with their insisting on us being together because I thought that actually people might muck in a bit more with DC and I'd get a break. Don't get me wrong 'D'B has actually taken DS to the playground this week, and parents have offered to babysit so we can get a night out..... But no, no one has entertained the thought of doing the early shift so that we could go back to bed.

Lesson well learned.

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 07:06

I do agree you should go home though, if you have such different views as a family about what is acceptable then it's not going to work.

Good manners work for everyone. Every child can be taught to whisper, to play quietly and considerately, you can gently close every door between you and the rest of the family, put your TV on extremely low of iPad in a bedroom with a door and quiet toys, quiet gentle stories in bed . A two year old can well understand this, make it a game - who can be the quietest? Try it - you might find you change your family relationships if they see you actually trying to accommodate them as well as your children.

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:07

Inlove, an adult surely understands crashing cymbals is antisocial. Kids on the other hand think noise is hilarious, and indeed would quite like nanny and grandad to wake up actually.... I can understand their logic.

Our 2yo doesn't quite understand this concept just yet. And is quiet until 8am when we let him make a bit more noise.

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 07:08

Bloody hell op - why should they do the early shift?? Your kids, your job, of teach them to stay in bed if you consider it too early. Good lord.

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:09

Inlive, those quiet activities are what we do between 6 and 8am. I don't think 8am is early, so my DS can play then. It's called compromise and my family sadly don't see that we are trying.

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 07:09

If he can do it til 8am, he can do it. You are you to say that's wake up time for everyone else? Take them out to the park!

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:10

Of course it's not their job, but an offer would be nice. I'd have done the same, just once even

OP posts:
inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 07:10

Who are you not you are you, obvs

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2016 07:10

You could agree to go somewhere tomorrow and go out for the day before they get up. Just to make a statement.

But seriously, get your room back. One child with each parent in 2 rooms sounds good. Stand up for yourselves. Chuck your parents clothes and stuff out if necessary. They are being appalling. If you use the same tactics as them, they'll probably back down. Bullies are usually cowards.

inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 07:10

I think your resentment is unfair. And I think you know that.

honkinghaddock · 14/09/2016 07:11

No, every child cannot learn that. My 9 year old with sn can't do that so there must be some NT toddlers who can't.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/09/2016 07:11

8am isn't that bad with children. What did they expect, you gag and tie the children up until 10am?

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:12

Not that easy inlove, park is a drive away. Youngest is napping by 9am.

I'm glad your kids are so quiet for you.

OP posts:
Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 07:13

Precisely.

Holiday with young family, expect some noise in the mornings. Would be seriously weird otherwise.

OP posts:
JassyRadlett · 14/09/2016 07:15

OP, I'd take the chirpy/slightly PA approach every time your DB moans rather than going for a more direct/confrontational one and engaging with him on his complaints.

Eg, when he says '8am is too early on holiday' just chirrup brightly 'too early for you, just right for us! We did warn you about this!' And immediately flit off to do something else. Repeat ad nauseam.

Not as satisfying maybe and it's really tempting to tell twats that they're being twats or explain why they're wrong, but it will probably drive your DB mad that people aren't bowing down to him and his right to set 'the rules'. And you won't get the emotional upset from the conflict.

So when they complain they've been woken up, for example, it's a cheery 'oh dear, what a pity. We did warn you! Did you not bring earplugs if you wanted to sleep late and are such a light sleeper? Let me pick you some up today.'