WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

[MamaDuckling]

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

Next time your brother says something ridiculous, can you say "hang on a moment, I'm just going to get my phone so I can record you and play your wise words back to you when you have a toddler".

There is a big difference between playing quietly and being quiet for 2 hours (up till 8 in this case) and 4 hours especially when not in your own home. Mine can play quietly for 2 and mostly do but the later the time goes on the louder they unintentionally get
I would compromise and say you are keeping them quiet until 8 and then head out for the day if you can
And definitely sort the room situation out!!

If he can do it til 8am, he can do it. You are you to say that's wake up time for everyone else? Take them out to the park!

You know what? No. It's OP's holiday, and her husband's holiday, and her kids' holiday too. She is meeting them halfway - no reason they should be miserable/put out/have nap schedules utterly disrupted to cater 100% to people who want to sleep until 10, who were warned that they were holidaying with a child who rose early, and who are not willing to give an inch on their idea of what a holiday 'should' be to try to make sure OP and her husband also have a decent time.

90% of the time having a kid who is up before 7 is a godsend when it comes to school, nursery, etc. Having one who is naturally a late riser it can be a bloody nightmare

This is not a holiday. Cut your losses and go home. Why would you stay with people who not only utterly lack empathy but are actively bullying you?

Keeping the peace is overrated.

Primal - keep a civil tongue. This is a discussion site, not a playground of teenagers.

You can keep most kids quiet if you want to, but unless they are naturally quite quiet children you ban only do it by being a monster to them. Inloves kids might be naturally quiet, or she might have kids who will grow up to resent her. Who knows.

In any case OP you told your family what it was like and they insisted you stay together. Time to remind them that good manners includes them sticking to their agreement that you were welcome. I would choose lunch time - put the kids down for a nap and have a fit at your family about their treatment of you all. If they don't buck up and you can afford it, move out to that hotel and actually try to enjoy the rest of your holiday.

You have said that a move to a hotel would cause "hell on earth"

• how could anything be worse than your current situation?

Personally, I wouldn't give a fig for their reaction and would only want to salvage what I could of he remaining holiday.

And FWIW, and this is only applies to me: DH and I would never holiday with family or friends - we can see them all year round. And we have the option of meeting new people. We have total freedom to do what we like and it was the same when our DC were with us.

I'd watch your own tone, inlove. Primal's contribution is totally in like with Talk guidelines.

• in line

'watch your tone' - Ha you are going to love having teenagers

Go to a hotel or go home.

Your family is bullying you, and it's horrible.

Who cares what trouble is caused by you refusing to put uo with them being so horrible?

They haven't bothered their arses about making your holiday a misery.

Leave. Make it clear how pissed off you are.

Tell your cunt of a brother that he is a nasty bastard.

Never, ever holiday with these dicks again.

Move back to the rooms you are paying for. You offered to be in a different building and were shouted down. The consequence of that is that the kids are in the house with the people who want to sleep later. This is your holiday too and being stuck in a crappy room trying to hide the existence of their nephew/niece/grandchildren from other family members is no holiday. You are being heroic enough keeping a lid on it from 6 till 8.

OP you have my every sympathy. Having an early riser is tough and your family sound awful, especially as you had pre-warned them that this may happen.

Inlove - quite clear you have never dealt with an early rising child. My first was like this. Very good at going to bed and falling asleep, but always awake early and won't go back to sleep. Husband is just the same. After a spate of 4am wakings when he was about 1.5 we tried EVERYTHING - black out blinds, clocks which get gradually lighter, heavier bedding, lighter bedding, different pyjamas, putting him to bed earlier or later, cutting naps, giving extra naps, changing the position of the cotbed in the room, white noise machines, lots of fresh air before bedtime - EVERYTHING. Once he was awake that was it - he was wide awake and ready to start his day. For 6 months DH and I slept in shifts until he improved slightly. You could have gone in and shushed him all you like, wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference.

He's now 13.5 and although he is not awake at 4am any more he is still always the first up in the house and immediately wide awake and ready to go. My other two are completely different, they often have to be woken at 7.30 on schooldays. I have NEVER had to wake my eldest for school. It's just the way some kids are wired.

Sorry your DS is awake and it is causing so much angst. Sometimes kids just don't sleep, as a mother of two with one that never slept day or night and who my friends affectionately called a vampire I can sympathise. I thought I was a shit parent until I had DD who never woke up.

You do realise don't you, that your twat of a brother will have a little girl who will sleep all the time like my DD and when she is awake sit nicely on the floor playing with a cardboard box and with a ready smile for everyone that meets her?

Luck of the draw.

Personally I wouldn't holiday with your brother ever again.

An early riser?

Anyone else ever found themselves doing the ironing at 5.30am??

I think you either have to move back to your rooms & carry on as usual or move out.

In any event, whether it's reasonable for the children to be up at x o'clock is entirely irrelevant. The OP told the family that would be the case and offered a solution at her own expense. The family declined. Them's the breaks.

I pray the DB gets the baby from hell

I wouldn't do it, I simply wouldn't do it. I wouldn't have moved and they could like it or lump the outcome because you tried to prevent it by having your own Vila. If they carried on I would find a hotel and move out or book flights straight home. I'm not just saying this, I have actually done it in a similar situation. I know some people don't like to fall out with family and will avoid at all costs but in my experience dynamics don't change until you act strenuously and assertively. If I was your husband I would be long gone, taking the kids with me.

I wouldn't go again.

I think it is reasonable for people who like a lie-in to want quiet. What is unreasonable is that, when someone has explained that this won't happen because of an uncontrollable force of nature (e.g. a small child) and they have said 'No, no, that's fine, please come', they go on to complain.

Behind this, it sounds as though your family are VERY controlling. Why do you have to do everything together? What would be wrong with having a hotel nearby? Breaking the patterns of The Borg Family and insisting that accommodations are made for your needs is vital here. If this has never happened before, it will cause all kinds of tantrums and sulking, but you just have to weather it and reset the boundaries in a new configuration that works with young children.

Op you have my sympathy.

Did a 4 night short holiday with ILs and swore never ever again. I could see it would be a nightmare and it was. My 4yo was expected to be up late while his baby cousin was put to bed early. Then he would be expected to be quiet "baby cousin is sleeping" Dinner was deliberately held back so SIL could get baby to bed. Then fuck me nobody gave a shit how much noise was made in the morning while my LO was still in bed. The adult's, PIL included, couldn't even be arsed to shut the living room doors to keep the noise down. Barely seen SIL since!!!

Give them the choice, you either get your rooms back or you leave?
Why the hell should you and DH who have been separated for 11 weeks not have some alone time together. Sod the idea of taking a child each, that is not what you agreed too.
You and DH deserve to have some time to be a family again the kids are probably hyper just seeing him again.

I bet it's a barrel of laughs at inlove house

You are not coming across very well, are you inlove?! What you're saying is the same as 'all children will eat sprouts' or 'everyone likes coronation street'. No. Everyone is different.
My first two were amazingly behaved, good sleepers etc etc. The third was a wake up call. I hope to god I was never as sanctimonious as you are.