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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to never go on family holiday again?

312 replies

MamaDuckling · 13/09/2016 21:51

Loooong story but I'll try to keep it brief.

My family and I (10 in total, all adults except our two young DC) have for a long time done an annual villa holiday. This year I suggested that DH, DC and I would get a separate villa close to theirs as our DS is a very noisy early riser, and DD doesn't sleep through yet. My family LOVE to lie in and I foresaw problems with the kids spoiling everyone's rest. This suggestion was quickly dismissed, they all insisted they wanted us all to be together and of course understood that two young kids come with some noise.....

Fast forward and we are 4 days in, we have today been relegated to the crappy room on the ground floor (all of us, despite there being a more suitable separate room for 2yr old DS upstairs), because the noise is too much. We have done everything we can to keep him quiet but he's up at 6am and my family don't typically want to wake up until at least 10am (lazy arses IMO but I respect that we are all different).

It all came to a head this morning and I fell out with DB over it (himself expecting his first DC, ha!). He suggested we all decant into this one room. I have DD in travel cot next to me, DS on a mattress at the end of the bed, and snoring DH by my side. I am simply fucked off beyond belief.

WIBU to never do a stupid family holiday ever again based on our experience this time? I now just feel like we are a nuisance to everyone and wish we hadn't come at all.

OP posts:
StripeyMonkey1 · 14/09/2016 00:21

You are being completely reasonable.

DB will have his comeuppance soon enough, but I imagine he will rationalise that you have been a complete nightmare with your kids and now it is his turn. I'd stay well away from that and any screaming baby he may see fit to unleash on you!

You need a new holiday format next year. Either separate villas for everyone (no DB and baby in a house with you!) or separate holidays.

TendonQueen · 14/09/2016 00:22

Just let the kids get up when they want tomorrow, and when they moan, say 'Well, you complained when I did my best to keep them quiet, so why should I carry on trying when you're going to moan anyway?' As well as reminding them that you were told it would all be fine by them, as pp suggested. Don't take this crap. Serve it back to them.

memyselfandaye · 14/09/2016 00:31

Can I suggest you buy your soon to be nephew/niece Penguin Race for their first birthday?

It's the most annoying noisest toy, with the most irritating music ever, once that "tune" is in your head it NEVER fucking leaves.

No need to thank me Grin

LucyBabs · 14/09/2016 00:33

Oh hahahaha! If you tell your dc that waking at 5/6 am is still night time and they actually listen and go back to sleep then I NEED your parenting handbook.

inlovewithhubby · 14/09/2016 00:44

No handbook, just consistent rules and discipline. And behaviour modelling - behave as we want them to behave. It's not rocket science.

And 10am is perfectly reasonable time to lie in, esp on holiday. Why should they be prevented by the OPs noisy kids?

Babies can be hushed and shushed just as easily as a toddler. And the first few times we put them back in bed at 5-6am they might object, but they do learn very quickly. You don't let a baby or toddler eat what it wants because it's too young to make that decision and wouldn't choose sensibly - same with sleep. Why parents are getting up at stupid o clock and saying they have no choice is beyond me but that's their call - just don't inflict that spinelessness on everyone else.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2016 00:50

With respect, you're talking out of your arse. There is absolutely no way DD would have submitted to my shushing. Utter bollocks based on your child. Why do people insist on assuming that character traits are parenting?

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 00:50

Yy to that

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 00:52

OP's DS is 2 and her DD is a baby young enough to not sleep through. And it's reasonable for them to stag quiet until 10am, in your view.

Haha

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 00:55

Frankly, anyone who called you a fucking bitch (in front of your toddler?) deserves less than zero consideration.

LucyBabs · 14/09/2016 00:56

Yes it's definitely spinelessness Hmm
I ask beg my natural early riser dd (8) to try and sleep on at the weekends.. She does try but once she's awake there's no going back. I've tried black out blinds,gro clocks and bribes.
You can't force a child to go back to sleep. Unless that's what you're suggesting Ilove

JacquettaWoodville · 14/09/2016 00:59

So watching peppa pig is not acceptable, moving out to a hotel is not acceptable, compromising on keeping them quiet for two hours is not acceptable and booking a separate place in the first place is not acceptable. All your solutions are not acceptable but your DBro thinks it is acceptable to call a new mother up in the night with her baby a diva and a fucking bitch.

I would go home, OP. Or at least elsewhere. You don't deserve this.

BeMorePanda · 14/09/2016 01:02

Crack on with doing your holiday the way you want to OP.

This will ensure there are no complaints about you having a separate villa next year AND you won't be woken all through the night by your TB's (twat brother) young baby ( next year).

So win win win.

Original poster
MamaDuckling · 14/09/2016 02:21

You are all so right, except ilove. ilove is all kinds of wrong.

We too have a Gro clock.... Some days it woks, mostly not and DS ignores it. He fully understands it, but he definitely doesn't obey it. Do you not think I've tried every method to get him to sleep later? It doesn't work.

Furthermore, we are at the tail end of our summer in the UK and this is a halfway stop for us on the way home. I've been parenting alone for 11 weeks while DH remained in our home overseas - he has met us here so this is very much our holiday too. I have unfortunately had to plod along with the shit sleeping until we get back home and I can do some controlled crying with the baby (9mo). The kids have been sharing a room and have moved about all summer - I saw no point in putting my foot down on this one just yet.

Your kids sound very obedient ilove, good for you. My very strong willed 2yo would think your tips hilarious.

As for suggesting that PND doesn't affect parenting choices..... That's one of the dimmest things I've ever heard.

OP posts:
Canyouforgiveher · 14/09/2016 02:39

your mistake was suggesting that you get a separate villa and letting the rest of your family make your decision for you. You should have booked separate and told them, done deal. Or not gone on hols with them at all - I certainly wouldn't ever again.

One year when I told my sister we would not be staying in her house for a week (5 of us in one room with 3 kids age 2-7 - last time we had done it my son kissed his own house - literally - when we got home) she screamed at me that I was awful etc. I didn't give a shit but booked an apartment with a pool and visited her and my parents with my much happier kids.

By the way, your children's tantrums and bad sleeping etc is entirely down to them moving around so much in the past number of weeks - not your parenting.

Honestly in your circumstances I would consider moving to a nearby rental. But would definitely never ever ever holiday with them again. never (did I say never).

Are you parents part of this group? My parents would have scooped my kids into their bedroom at the first sign of life (would have been hovering outside for a while too). What are your's doing?

But am laughing at the karma that is around the corner for your brother.

No handbook, just consistent rules and discipline. And behaviour modelling - behave as we want them to behave. It's not rocket science.

But this also was very very amusing. Worth the read of this thread.

LeonardInTheArgosBag · 14/09/2016 03:30

inlove your posts are very smug and lacking empathy. You do know that every child is different, right? Do you really think that those with early waking children DON'T try and model quiet/stay-in-bed behaviour? Do you think the parents of early risers haven't tried everything?

Like most children, mine have gone through phases. Sometimes they wake at 5am, sometimes 8am. Nowt to do with speaking in quiet tones or telling them firmly to stay in bed, it's just luck. And LOL at the idea of telling a tiny baby to stay in bed and go back to sleep!

BaldHedgehog · 14/09/2016 04:10

ilove some babies/toddlers don't sleep when you want them and no amount of hushing would send them to sleep. Count yourself VERY lucky.

BaldHedgehog · 14/09/2016 04:12

Oh and YANBU OP. Sorry you found yourself in this situation, your DB is behaving like a total arsehole. Hope his PFB will be a non sleeper

Scarydinosaurs · 14/09/2016 05:20

Ugh, this sounds like hell.

My family do the same each year, and I'm so grateful for my sweet childless siblings who not only don't moan- but take them off for us so my DH and I can get some extra sleep.

Your DB is a twat.

KeyserSophie · 14/09/2016 05:49

I had a friend wiith a touch of the "iloves". First two DC were biddable as hell - I've been tempted to frisk them for battery compartments. We all got lots of parenting advice. Third one is a horror. I've said nothing but it's fucking hard

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/09/2016 05:52

I had one too. His went nuts at three. He thought everything was parenting until then and would give me smug advice while his lovely wife rolled her eyes, knowing how much more work my DD was than theirs.

At three she became a threenager, and he asked me for help, "we have no skills, she was so easy". Smug wanker.

Rozdeek · 14/09/2016 06:05

inlove

I hereby award you the prize for the world's least helpful comment.

6am is not an unreasonable time for a young child to get up bearing in mind they generally go to bed early. My DS is in bed at 6.30 (can't physically keep him awake any later) and up at 6, meaning he has had 11.5 hours. Plenty.

You cannot keep a 2 year old silent for 3 hours. The op's family was warned of this.

Op my mum wants us all to go on holiday together next year and I've said no but am getting the same pressure. The reason I've said no is DS goes to bed so early we'll be stuck at the villa from 6pm every night and also my family are noisy as fuck and think kids can sleep through anything (mine can't).

Yanbu.

Salutarychoring · 14/09/2016 06:07

How upsetting for you oo, and how awful of your db. If this was my family, they would be rallying to help rather than criticising. They would be drawing up rotas the!

In your shoes, tbh, I would pack up and leave rather than have to endure another week of this.

Leave a polite note saying, "we have decided to go home and let you all enjoy your holiday without being disturbed by our dc. I have done my v best to keep them quiet in the mornings but I think some of you have forgotten what it is like parenting a toddler and a baby, and some of you have that experience to come! If you recall, I did suggest staying in a separate villa because of the dcs early rising but you insisted we all stay together, leading us to believe that we and our dc would be welcome. I'm sorry that hasn't proved to be the case."

MoreCoffeeNow · 14/09/2016 06:33

I can understand the family kicking off if the DC is charging around whooping and banging a drum. But if he's awake and playing quietly or watching a TV programme they should suck it up.

Pythonesque · 14/09/2016 06:33

My youngest started sleeping in this summer. Till 7 / 7:30 sometimes. He's 11.

When he was little I worked at teaching him to sleep / stay quiet in bed until an acceptable hour. It must have taken more than 3 years to get him to 6 am and even then required reminders often. But huge relief when I got there! (and not a lot of sympathy from my mother ... guess who else was an early riser!) And as for staying up in the evenings - if we were visiting people or out of routine he not infrequently took himself to bed or found a quiet corner to go to sleep in, as early as 2. Much easier than his non-sleeping older sister in that regard though!

mouldycheesefan · 14/09/2016 06:36

You need to be a lot more assertive. I wouldn't have moved rooms, let bil move to the ground floor if he wants.
Don't go on holiday with them again.