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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed by this...

86 replies

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 07:55

Been with DP 12 years. Engaged 2 months.

Whilst discussing the wedding and bits, he mentioned that we'll need a wedding ring. Singular. Because he doesn't wear jewellery.

Now, when we met he was married. Wearing a ring.

Am I BU to be a tad hurt by this? Should I man up and accept it?
Don't most men wear no jewellery until marriage and then only a ring??!!

Looking for some not too brutally honest opinions!!

OP posts:
WhateverWillBe · 10/09/2016 07:57

There's a bloke in work who doesn't wear a ring...I do find it a bit odd tbh.

Have you asked him why he wore one in his first marriage? Maybe his dw insisted/bullied him into it? And clearly, wearing a ring does not indicate that the marriage will be long term!

I wouldn't feel right with dh not 'having' a ring...a token, to show we're married.

Maybe as a compromise you ask that he chooses and buys a ring, and he can decide afterwards whether to actually wear it or keep it somewhere instead?

MuffyTheUmpireSlayer · 10/09/2016 07:58

I'm not married so I can't be sure, but that sounds pretty odd to me. When you say you met when he was married and wearing a ring, do you mean as friends/colleagues or is that where your relationship started?

confusedandemployed · 10/09/2016 07:59

DH had a wedding ring during his first marriage, he doesn't now. I couldn't care less. Just doesn't seem important to me. Even the ring I wear is one I bought myself, long after our wedding.

Soubriquet · 10/09/2016 07:59

I don't wear a ring

I hate wearing jewellery

Doesn't make me any less married

phillipp · 10/09/2016 08:00

Neither me or dh wear our wedding. Rings on a day to day basis.

What did he say when you pointed out that her wore a wedding ring when he was married previously?

mum2Bomg · 10/09/2016 08:03

I think it's fine but you sound like you need to know why it's the case this time around - I'd ask him...

BewtySkoolDropowt · 10/09/2016 08:09

I'm an awkward bugger, so I'd say 'oh in that case I won't wear a ring either' and see how he likes it.

Of course he might not care either way.

pinkieandperkie · 10/09/2016 08:13

My dh didn't want a ring. He never wears jewellery and it's just not him.

Original poster
Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 08:14

Didn't ask why he wore one first time round, I will though. I don't think I'm bothered that much I think I just need to ask.

I'm not actually that fussed if I wear one, I love my engagement ring and would be fine with wearing that alone forever.

Bewty I might lead with 'I won't wear one either' see where that gets me! We are a pair of awkward gits also Grin which is why we work

OP posts:
Godotsarrived · 10/09/2016 08:17

I don't wear a wedding ring. Can't abide rings. My husband doesn't wear one as his job doesn't allow it. We are very married though.

If it's important to you, which I guess it is, I would ask for a bit more of an explanation. But it's not the ring that makes you married.

FlyingElbows · 10/09/2016 08:18

Mr Elbows doesn't wear a wedding ring and neither do I, never have.

thecatsarecrazy · 10/09/2016 08:18

My husband has a ring. It cost twice as much as mine but he never wears it. It lives in a box by the side of the bed. I used to find it on the side in the bathroom. Reminded me of that squeeze song. " you left my ring by the soap, now is that love?"

Robinkitty · 10/09/2016 08:19

My dh doesn't wear a ring and sometimes I don't either. Doesn't bother me

Crispsheets · 10/09/2016 08:20

It matters not a jot whether or not you wear a ring.
I lost mi e about 5 years into my marriage. Ex never wore one.
If I married again I won't wear a ring g.

Cakescakescakes · 10/09/2016 08:21

I often don't wear mine as I have eczema on my hands and my rings just irritate it. DH always wears his though.

MinonsMovie · 10/09/2016 08:21

I don't always wear mine, I'm a bit scatty at times. Doesn't make me a better or worse wife.
But yanbu, when we were getting married it seemed to matter more than it does now.
It is only a symbol, but not wearing jewellery doesn't explain why he used to wear one. If you don't understand why it will niggle with you.

Brokenbiscuit · 10/09/2016 08:21

Neither DH nor I wear rings. I simply don't like them, and I presume he doesn't either. We've been married for ages, and it doesn't make us any less married.

As long as he is ok for you to choose whether or not you want to wear one, I don't really see an issue.

LuluJakey1 · 10/09/2016 08:21

I would be a bit upset, especially if he did wear one when he was married before. I am a bit insecure though so could just be me.

IAmAPaleontologist · 10/09/2016 08:23

Dh doesn't wear one, he just doesn't like the feel of jewellery. He agreed before the wedding to go to a jewellers and try some on but still didn't like it. Doesn't matter, a piece of metal does not shape our marriage.

TheDowagerCuntess · 10/09/2016 08:25

What other people do, or don't do, is irrelevant.

They will have come to that decision jointly, or it didn't bother them one way or the other.

It does bother you, especially since he wore one first time around, and that's OK.

SoupDragon · 10/09/2016 08:26

I think I'd try to get him agree to have one for the ceremony regardless of whether he wears it afterwards.

Original poster
Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 08:26

To those of you that don't wear one, did you have one? For the day and exchange of rings bit?

OP posts:
Parker231 · 10/09/2016 08:26

Either of us have worn one but been married forever. Why is it an issue if he or you wear/not wear one? If you're upset or insecure about something like a ring, I think you have other issues to resolve.

DrLockhart · 10/09/2016 08:27

I insisted DH wore one when we married last year and now I wish i hadn't. Even 12 months on, you can see his hand always looks uncomfortable like he's aware of it. He doesn't wear any other jewellery either.

Definitely ask him why he wore one with his first marriage, but I wouldn't force the issue.

A friends DH doesn't wear one either.

blibblibs · 10/09/2016 08:28

DH wears a ring but I don't. Got pregnant on honeymoon and blew up like a balloon and it's never fitted since. I could get it re sized but haven't ever bothered.
We're still very much married.