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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed by this...

86 replies

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 07:55

Been with DP 12 years. Engaged 2 months.

Whilst discussing the wedding and bits, he mentioned that we'll need a wedding ring. Singular. Because he doesn't wear jewellery.

Now, when we met he was married. Wearing a ring.

Am I BU to be a tad hurt by this? Should I man up and accept it?
Don't most men wear no jewellery until marriage and then only a ring??!!

Looking for some not too brutally honest opinions!!

OP posts:

elephantpig · 10/09/2016 09:09

Dh and I both HAVE rings, DH wears his all day everyday as he works in an office, I work in the medical field so never wear mine for work and I often forget to put it back on.
I would either want rings for both of us just for the ceremony, or neither have rings and miss that part of the ceremony. I think it would look really weird for only one of you to put the ring on in the ceremony.

MrsJoeyMaynard · 10/09/2016 09:09

This would bother me.

Not the fact that he doesn't want to wear a ring in itself - plenty of men don't, after all - but the fact that he wore one for his first marriage but doesn't want to for this one.

Why was it okay then but not now? That's what I'd be wondering about. But really that's something you need to talk to him about.

zen1 · 10/09/2016 09:09

DH and I both had rings when we got married, but neither of us wears them. We didn't intend not to wear them, just don't feel the need. Sometimes we put them on for our anniversary (been married 13 yrs).

NellysKnickers · 10/09/2016 09:09

Neither me or should wear a ring.

Original poster

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 09:11

Thank you 80s, he does want to get married. Just took along time to round to asking!!!

I didn't realise it wasn't a necessity for the ceremony. Clearly need to look into thins abit more. I just assumed we needed rings. I would still like us both to have matching tattoos some form of 'token' for the day. Be it jewellery or something else.

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 10/09/2016 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2kids2dogsnosense · 10/09/2016 09:13

What's his job? My dad never wore one because he was ship's engineer and the chances of it getting caught in machinery and ripping his finger off were pretty high.

Original poster

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 09:14

It's clearly more a thing for all of you than it is me.
I'm not upset by it.
I don't think we'll be 'less married' without rings.
We have a better relationship than most of the married couples we know.
I just need to ask him why, this time round, he doesn't do jewellery. And he doesn't. He went through a phase mid 20's of wearing a bracelet. Tried a chain. Tried a thumb ring not cool on a man

OP posts:

Original poster

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 09:15

2kids nothing to do with work I'd think. He's a supervisor. Minimal manual work I think

OP posts:

FrancisCrawford · 10/09/2016 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EllaHen · 10/09/2016 09:17

For all those saying it's a modern thing, my Papa wore one and he got married in the early 1940's and my Dad hasn't taken his off in 42 years of marriage.

Dh wears one, as do I. I don't wear an engagement ring. Parity or mirroring or something like that.

MoreCoffeeNow · 10/09/2016 09:17

It wasn't really a thing when we got married 40 years ago. DH doesn't like wearing jewellery of any kind. I make up for it by wearing loads.

MrsHam13 · 10/09/2016 09:18

Mine lost his at work about a month after we got married. He has really weird fingers. His knuckle is big but his fingers are pretty slim. So he needed to get a ring big enough to go over his knuckle but that meant it was then really big on his finger and kept moving round constantly. Managed to slip over his knuckle one day. I said not to bother getting another as it looked daft on him anyway.

EllaHen · 10/09/2016 09:19

Anglican services are still rather archaic. Church of Scotland here. And in Scotland the mother of the bride and groom are included on the marriage certificate. Also their occupations.

skyyequake · 10/09/2016 09:19

I'm not married, but I swear I've seen somewhere that one couple had rings for their ceremony and then got them framed in a display box and had it on their wall (also might have been along with their marriage certificate but I don't remember)

Would that be something he would like to do (assuming you went with the "well I'm not wearing one either then" )

fatsowhale · 10/09/2016 09:19

None of the men in my family wear rings. I don't think this is modern, I think it's deeply old-fashioned!

And I don't bother wearing mine. Gets covered in hand cream.

whattodowiththepoo · 10/09/2016 09:23

Until technology means I REALLY want a special ring I will never wear one.

eightbluebirds · 10/09/2016 09:24

Me and OH both had rings. Then mine got too big and I never resized it and OH's fits him in summer but not winter or if it's cold and it's just a faff so neither of us wear them now. We only got married last year! Really doesn't matter to me.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/09/2016 09:24

My DH was adamant that he would only wear a wedding ring while we were on honeymoon (as a way to get upgraded "Oh we're on our honeymoon" kind of thing)...12 years of marriage later and it is still on his finger.

Glastonbury · 10/09/2016 09:31

My DH has a ring but hasn't worn it for years. He does a manual job so can't wear it for work. For a short while he put it on when he got home but stopped bothering. He isn't a jewellery person and it irritated him. I wear mine and don't take it off.

Original poster

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 09:33

I quite like the framing thing.

I don't want to waste money on a ring he's not gunna wear. I have my recently departed grans wedding ring from my DF. I wouldn't wear it because 1) it's gold (I'm a silver girl) and 2) the sentimental value behind it, I'd be crushed if I lost it.

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 10/09/2016 09:42

You don't have to wear it either - just make your own decisions.

SlinkyVagabond · 10/09/2016 09:54

People change their minds. Maybe he was pressurised into it first time. Maybe he liked jewellry then. Dh hasn't got a wedding ring, he didn't like wearing one as he had never worn jewellery. But he wears a silver and titanium one I bought him for our silver wedding and has never taken it off.

jamdonut · 10/09/2016 10:27

I wear a ring , continually. My choice, I'm sentimental, like that.
DH doesn't, he has funny shaped fingers (large knuckles,slim fingers) and it would be uncomfortable.

( Actually he lost his ring finger in an accident at work a few years ago, and couldn't wear one now, anyway!)
It doesn't bother me, and we've been married 26 years now.

Ameliablue · 10/09/2016 10:29

Yes I'd be upset by that.

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