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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a bit miffed by this...

86 replies

Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 07:55

Been with DP 12 years. Engaged 2 months.

Whilst discussing the wedding and bits, he mentioned that we'll need a wedding ring. Singular. Because he doesn't wear jewellery.

Now, when we met he was married. Wearing a ring.

Am I BU to be a tad hurt by this? Should I man up and accept it?
Don't most men wear no jewellery until marriage and then only a ring??!!

Looking for some not too brutally honest opinions!!

OP posts:
Lolly86 · 10/09/2016 08:28

My DH doesn't wear a ring...doesn't bother me tbh

NataliaOsipova · 10/09/2016 08:28

I wear one, Mr Osipova doesn't. Never bothered me in the slightest. Going back many years, I don't think men did - am I right to think it's a more modern trend?

KoalaDownUnder · 10/09/2016 08:29

I couldn't care less, if I were you.

If you've been together 12 years, I doubt the ring will make any difference to his level of commitment!

KoalaDownUnder · 10/09/2016 08:30

It is a relatively modern thing.

My dad is of the 'men don't wear jewellery' line of thinking, and none of his contemporaries (aged 65+) seem to wear them.

TheNaze73 · 10/09/2016 08:31

YABU. Surely it's up to him? Likewise if it was flipped, it would be your choice

LunaLoveg00d · 10/09/2016 08:34

My husband doesn't wear a ring and never has. We've been married 15 years. When we first married he was often in and out of factories and on the shop floor examining machinery and jewellery was a big no-no. He's now in an office job so the circumstances are different. It has never bothered me that he doesn't wear a ring.

What's different in this instance is that the OP's partner has been married before and was happy to wear one then.

mostlyslowly · 10/09/2016 08:35

I've never worn a ring, my wife has had 3, all from me for various reasons (1, lymphedema meant it no longer fitted, 2 the replacement, slightly large to allow for above, slipped off whilst swimming on holiday, 3, I bought, with my daughter on holiday to replace 2. My job entailed putting my hands into inaccessible places and sharp metal, didn't fancy trapped hand or losing a digit.

phillipp · 10/09/2016 08:36

To those of you that don't wear one, did you have one? For the day and exchange of rings bit?

yes because we planned on wearing them. Both of us wish we hadn't bothered. It cost over £1000 for our rings and we both feel it was wasted.

If I had have known I wasn't going to wear it, I wouldn't have bothered.

Or used Haribo Rings Grin

MinonsMovie · 10/09/2016 08:40

If you don't want to leave it out in the ceremony just get cheap rings, but everyone want to see the ring... Blush

I think they could probably just skip that part where you exchange rings.

MardyGrave · 10/09/2016 08:40

My dad hasn't worn one, married for 30 years this year.

The ring obviously didn't do much for the last marriage, don't worry about it.

Fallstar · 10/09/2016 08:41

I'm married and neither of us wear rings. Never have.

We didn't have them for the (very tiny, no guests) ceremony. It hadn't actually occurred to us so it's a good think they're not an obligatory part of proceedings!

I think I'd be a bit miffed in your situation as well, though, as your DH-to-be wore a ring previously. All you can do is ask him why then and why not now.

But I don't think no ring per se is an issue, personally.

Fallstar · 10/09/2016 08:42

Good think?! Good thing...

CafeCremeEtCroissant · 10/09/2016 08:43

You've been together a long time, unmarried, are you sure he wants to get married again? Maybe he thinks the status quo works (where his marriage didn't) & this is somethng he can do to avoid dwelling on it or being asked about it.

Or it could be simply that he hates wearing jewellery & did it to appease his first wife, but has grown a pair since & is happy to say 'I don't want to do that'.

But you need to talk about it.

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 10/09/2016 08:43

I agree with Bewty. Why does he expect you to wear a symbol of being married when he won't? Of course he isn't less married without a ring and nor would you be BUT I'd wonder why he doesn't accept this symbol, no matter what his excuses are.

AdoraBell · 10/09/2016 08:45

Neither of you need the wear a wedding ring, it's a personal choice that each of you makes.

Tinklypoo · 10/09/2016 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wowfudge · 10/09/2016 08:48

The pp who mentioned it above is right - it's a relatively modern fashion for a man to have a wedding ring. It's a class thing too - for example the Duke of Cambridge doesn't wear a wedding ring. Royals and aristos might have a signet ring, but not a wedding ring.

FrancisCrawford · 10/09/2016 08:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

80sWaistcoat · 10/09/2016 08:51

I thought men wearing wedding rings is relatively modern too. If my Dh didn't have one I don't think I would, but he was quite keen to have rings so it only seemed fair I should wear one too.

I hardly ever wear my engagement ring or any other rings.

FrancisCrawford · 10/09/2016 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

80sWaistcoat · 10/09/2016 08:53

PS I don't think not wanting one means he doesn't want to be married...what an odd suggestion.

acasualobserver · 10/09/2016 08:53

I agree it's a more modern thing - few men of my father's generation wore them. In those days it might also mark you out as - whisper it - a Catholic.

Rachcakes · 10/09/2016 08:58

I'm normally really laid back, not the kind of wife that ever tells DH what to do, but I'm glad he wears a ring. I can't quite put my finger on it. I suppose it's so symbolic.
I completely understand all the reasons why it doesn't matter, that the marriage is not the ring and the ring doesn't make the marriage, but I'd be disappointed if he didn't wear it.

guineapig1 · 10/09/2016 09:02

My DH has a wedding ring but wears it very rarerly. Generally he will put it on if we are going to a wedding! I have never asked him why. Doesn't bother me in the slightest - he is no less married to me!

Original poster
Xmasfairy86 · 10/09/2016 09:08

So what you're saying wowfudge is that he's a secret Royal!

OP posts: