to not help her?

[DorothyL]

Last year a colleague covered some hours at work for me (just a couple) so I could see my son's assembly at school. She has now asked me to return the favour but I have said no because it would mean I couldn't pick ds up from school and would have to ask dh to take time off to collect ds. Ds had sn which is why I can't just ask a friend to collect him. My colleague seems a bit put out and I have apologised, but I was hoping she'd be more understanding? I would happily help if I could do it without it affecting ds.

Soup the colleague enabled the OP to be paid while attending her DS's assembly while the colleague was being paid.

The colleague is asking the OP to enable the colleague to go on holiday while being paid while the OP is not being paid.

How is that fair?

Marco - I don't think anyone has said it wouldn't bother them! The difference is, it's the OP, not the colleague, who's come on here bleating about why she can't return a favour.

And actually none of us, OP included, know the circumstances of the colleague... anyone is entitled to ASK for time off, it doesn't mean it would be granted, and for all we know the colleague would have gone through the proper channels and requested unpaid leave from SLT, if it weren't for the fact OP had previously asked her to cover an unofficial bit of time off.

Tbh the whole problem arose in the first place because OP didn't go through the correct channel and request cover. Presumably this was because she didn't want to risk having to take it unpaid, or using up some of SLT's goodwill to grant paid time off.

Aside from any other issues, am I the only one who thinks that you don't necessarily do a favour in order to 'claim' one in return? You do a favour for someone because you are a nice person and and want to help out, not in order to get one back as compensation

hmmmmm maybe normally yes but tbh asking someone to cover your class is generally considered a bit like asking someone to walk 100 miles to the nearest shop to get the milk. sure, you can ask, but they will probably say no. if they do agree, they are helping you out "big time" and, yeah, you'll probably have to do a 100 mile trek one time when its their turn. offering to put the milk bottles out (aka the photocopying) is a bit shit - better to just be very grateful than pretend you are now evens.

there is the odd nutter who just likes long walks or helping out, of course. these people would be ruthlessly exploited til they died of exhaustion from neverending 100 mile treks

Fedup- tbf the main issue on the thread has become how dismissive the OP is of her colleague, and how she thinks her own reasons for taking time off are so much more important than everyone else's.
I think we're all agreed now that there is no way the OP can rearrange things to do any favours on a Friday afternoon. She doesn't need to minimise everyone else's situations though

I cannot believe the level of vitriol against the OP on this thread. It's the part of MN I loathe and the reason I rarely post as some people just seem to love being nasty.

The OP keeps saying she is unpaid on a fri pm yet posters keep saying she's paid. The favours are not at all similar and her favour will impact on at least 2 other people even if it was possible to organise.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Just offer to return a similar favour next June or in your PPA time.

I know Reup - I have given up trying to dissuade these people that returning the favour is not life itself, but no. Apparently it is.

Another problem on MN is how people just don't read properly.

I have nowhere ever minimise her reasons for taking time off. I have only pointed out that it is harder for me to do this favour and that it will affect third parties negatively.

I agree the OP is getting a hard time here.

Neither OP's husband nor her MIL owe the colleague a favour. Bollocks would I give up some annual leave, or even an art class or tea with friends or whatever MIL's commitment is, to help out my partner's random colleague. It shouldn't be beyond the wit of two presumably intelligent sixth-form teachers to work out an equivalent favour that doesn't impinge on other people, let alone a child with special needs.

Don't backpedal OP. You have said you're pretty sure SLT would have authorised your absence anyway but wouldn't authorise your colleague's. Seeing as you have no idea whether there are difficult family circumstances behind her weekend arrangements, that's a weird assumption to make. Also, if you were so sure SLT would have seemed your reason acceptable, why not go through the correct channel and request time off? At the very least, your colleague's favour allowed you to take paid time without it being recorded officially. No school is going to let you have unlimited paid time off, it's down to the goodwill of SLT and may be, for example, one occasion per year. You have managed to gain paid time off without using up SLT's goodwill quota.

Another thing that springs to mind... As this happened in June and was a 6 form class which was covered it would have been a class about to take either AS or A2 exams in your subject which is an extremely important time and there is no way your colleague who shares rhe group would have felt comfortable just sitting doing her own work without any interaction. God knows if I ever cover any class I usually teach, I find myself answering questions, discussing, helping- it's what teachers do. The only other possibility is that it was a Yr 12 group who had completed all their exams and were starting on the A2 component - again, a key time in their learning process.

Do the 3 way time swap which I suggested earlier which can solve this problem (IF a third colleague is comfortable with unofficially covering lessons)
Then in future go through the proper channel when you want to take time off.

Those of us who are teachers know how tricky ANY time off during term time is. Your colleague did you a big favour and it would just be, you know, nice if you could find someone to help repay it. Not because you 'Owe' her but because it's a nice thing to do

Why are husbands so revered? What's the problem with asking them to take time off? The OP asked a colleague originally to cover her hours rather than ask her partner & is still reluctant to ask her partner so she can return favour . Get the men to take their turn

Um, because the OP's husband doesn't know the colleague from Adam? Why on earth should he be roped into doing her a favour?

How big is your dept? Are all the teachers in the dept teaching on Friday afternoon? I think you need to say face to face that you cannot do this due to family reasons but will help in other ways. Perhaps another colleague can cover her. Look on Sims or whatever system you have and tell her so and so are free etc and as someone else suggested a three way swap could work. I have done favour for other teachers and they have covered me so I can beat the traffic on a Friday afternoon.

He wouldn't be doing her (the work colleague) a favour he'd be doing his wife a favour by letting her return a favour she owes. You could also ask why he couldn't have taken time off in the first place to go to son's assembly.

Fedup the vast majority of people carry out altruistic acts (what is what a favour is) in the expectation of reciprocity at some point in the future. There are a few people who will do favours regardless and a few people who ask for favours but never reciprocate but these are always in the minority in a population. Genetics complicates this somewhat because we are more likely to act altruistically for family but the 3 basic behavioural models of recipricator, sucker and cheat hold true. Only cheats tell people that you do favours without any expectation of return, and only suckers believe them.

You could also ask why he couldn't have taken time off in the first place to go to son's assembly

That is a good question, but unrelated to the OP's predicament.

Letting his wife return the favour is all well and good but taking unpaid leave could well cost the family a couple of hundred quid. That's madness when all the OP has to say is "I'm happy to return the favour but I can't make it this Friday I'm afraid".

drbint why is it bullshit? I don't understand. Of course she asked her because she doesn't work Friday afternoons- that's why she's able to do the cover.

I have read all of the op posts but I can't bring myself to read the other posts. People are so nasty. If she can't do it then she can't do it don't bully her. She has a child with SN and all you have done is call her a drip and take the piss out of her. You posters should be ashamed of yourself.

The SN are irrelevant sunshine.
OP doesn't work friday afternoons so can't Return this favour. It's all the other stuff the OP has spouted which aren't showing her in a great light.

So let me get this straight, op if you covered for your colleague you would be doing it unpaid.
Your husband would have to leave his job early unpaid, and your son would be extremely upset for a few days.
Nope yanbu! Not one bit.
Yes of course your colleague had every right to ask, but if you couldn't do it then tough.
That's life, I have favours done and give favours in return.
But I do not impact others for this and I would never expect people to impact their family for me.

Munster are you a teacher I would be shocked if you were. I hope no one recognises you on here.

Hi sunshine!
are you the OP? I'd be shocked if you weren't

What a dreadful thread.

But Sleepy, OP was paid for the time she took out in order to attend her DS assembly, so in effect she wouldn't be doing it unpaid. If she's not prepared to do it in her own time, she should be paying back the salary she was paid for the time when she was at her child's assembly in June.