Childminder not offering half of DD's lunch in case the other kids want what she has?

[PurpleElsa]

My DD (3), goes to a childminder and has to take a packed lunch. I try and keep things interesting for her, and usually put in one treat for her, such as one of those teddy cake things, or a mini roll, alongside standard sandwich, babybel, yogurt and fruit. I noticed that the treat would always be returned EVERY time. I sent it back each day, but it was always returned unopened. I eventually asked childminder about it (as it was getting on my wick and I know DD loves a little treat) and was told that she tries to give all the children she looks after the same kind of item at the same time i.e. they all get sandwich, then yogurt etc. And if she offered DD her treat, the others would want one too.
In my opinion, if she wants all children to eat the same thing she she bloody well provide the lunches. I'm sure on occasion there would be something one of the others had that DD fancied, but she would have to have whatever I had packed.

I'm really cross about it. AIBU?

I've never rationed sweet things with my children, we've never had tons of junk, but when there have been lunchboxes they have always had a sweet thing along with the savory. That's what I eat for my lunch too.

The only time I have got worried about my two was when dd got stressed about having fat thighs (she had totally ordinary thighs at the time). My ds ate a ton and was very thin as a child (6th centile BMI for quite a few years). It had a few concerning side effects, like getting very cold, but was more to do with the fact he couldn't keep still than anything else. I'd be very concerned if there was lots of praising their 'slender frames' especially as the shape of your 'frame' (ie your bone structure) is genetic and not something any child has control over.

By the time these kids are teens they have become very used to being praised for their often very slender frames and do continue this regime out of their own volition. It can work.

So can bulimia.

Remember to teach them the phrase 'A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips' as well.

I've never rationed sweet things with my children, we've never had tons of junk

These 2 statements contradict each other.Of course you have rationed it, you just don't call it that.

Not really. I haven't taken a conscious effort to limit the amount of sweet food available to my family. I like making puddings, cakes and biscuits. I make lots of jam. I don't consider any of those things to be junk though.

We also eat junk food from time to time, which I think of as being highly processed and/or fast food. Good for a treat or when it's convenient, but again I don't consider them to be rationed except by my pocket book and preference. I wouldn't like to eat fast food every day because I prefer the taste and cost of food cooked at home.

Rationing to me implies a careful account or determination as to the 'right' amount over a particular period of time. Usually we have delivery pizza once a week but I think it would be odd to say that we have a pizza ration.

My ds childminder once sent back a treat-it felt like an attack on my parenting skills. If she has a policy about cakes not being eaten because they're unhealthy then fair enough but if it's just about each child having the same, then that's ridiculous.

Rationing to me implies a careful account or determination as to the 'right' amount over a particular period of time. Usually we have delivery pizza once a week but I think it would be odd to say that we have a pizza ration

Exactly as I said, its a difference in terminology, not practise. Do you let them eat cake and chocolate all day long if they feel like it? No. Then you control what they eat. Same thing.

When I first started childminding I went on a new childminders course and was advised to have meals as optional extras that parents could choose to pay for or send a packed lunch. The first few families I looked after were given the choice, one chose my dinners one chose packed lunch. You could guarantee they would want what the other had (sometimes it wouldn't even matter what it was, it was just children being children - I want what I can't have and am going to create until I get it type thing).
I have since learnt form this and now provide all dinners to the children. i cook one meal and everyone has that. It is much easier than serving three different lunches where child a has a banana and b has an apple when everyone knows child a prefers bananas and will kick of if her sees one within 20 metres.
Cm should have clarified her healthy eating policy and made it clear that the packed lunch she is requesting contains xyz with no variation.

Just to put the cat among the pigeons, what if your supplied lunch didn't correspond with the other children's at all? Eg egg frittata or chicken drumstick, raw veg? Or soup/stew in a flask?! I'd do it just to make the point.
I agree with others that an everyday piece of cake isn't then a treat. If I ate a mini roll a day I'd def put on weight. Little people need nutrient dense food, as they have little tummies. Cake fills them up but doesn't give them what they need to grow, they're then hungry again a little while later.
Your toddler is eating more for lunch than my teenager - she only has time to eat a couple of chipolatas or a scone at school, then eats an apple when she gets home, piece of chocolate (not a bar of) then has her dinner later. Scrambled egg breakfast keeps her going for hours in the mornings.

And that is a good thing? Of course it isn't a good thing, BabyGanoush. I'm just saying restricting food like that works, it does not usually backfire in my experience. People who do this want very healthy eaters who are very thin. If the parents manage to keep it up, the teen will do it themselves eventually. Almost all teens want to be very thin.

I said it in response to OP predicting food restrictors setting themselves up for a big fail.

As the op says her child does not have a mini roll every day.

I can always tell which child isn't allowed sweet things at home it's the one at birthday parties filling their plates up with cake.
Everything in moderation is fine not every child has the same things in lunch boxes . I would never allow chocolate spread or chocolate cereal but doesn't mean I can dictate that other children shouldn't have it because mine don't .
Always makes me smile at toddler groups when there is always one mum that produces a rice cake when all the rest are eating biscuits .

Audrey, oh yes, I have seen that mum many times, although sometimes the rice cakes are replaced with breadsticks.
What the don't seem to understand - as proved by this thread- is that they have complete control over their children when they are preschool, but sadly this rarely continues once they make friends you have not vetoed.
You are right about the parties too - but I don't suppose the mums of toddlers would imagine that would be their child!

To those saying my toddler eats more than your teenagers; if your teenager is eating less than one warburtons brown thin made into a sandwich, a babybel, a mini yogurt and a mini kids apple/pear/satsuma or a handful of strawberries, then frankly I don't think your teenager is eating enough.

As I've said upthread, my DD is a perfect weight.

And I still think people who don't allow their kids any sugar at all are setting themselves up for a fall, but it is interesting to read other points of view.

I think you may as well get DD used to not having junk/chocolate in her lunchbox as most primary schools do not allow it.

At my local primary, a mini roll would be confiscated and you would be called in for a quick reminder about the rules. I do appreciate though that the CM didn't set any such rules.

I totally get what you are saying about feeling a bit guilty about DD being at CMs but using sugary treats as emotional compensation isn't a good idea. I am not trying to be patronising or snarky here, we've all done it.

There are few kids who don't fill their plates up with the sweet stuff at parties regardless of what they have at home ime. If it makes you feel better to think that your kids eat a lot of sweets at home then self select carrot sticks and hummus at parties then that's fine but I've hosted many kids parties and the healthy stuff has always been out as decoration only.

If CM wants only healthy stuff in the lunchboxes thats fine. But they should have made it clear rather than just sending parts of the lunch back without saying anything.

Op my teenagers ate far more than your child's lunch and so does every other teenager I know.
I nannied children that were not allowed any sugar when we went to a cafe they used to try and eat sugar from the sachets .

Bluebeck and Audrey thank you for your comments. I am going to stop using sugar as a reward, or treat etc, but will not cut it out of my DD's diet.

I'm not going to bother responding to the bitchy comments, I can't be arsed!! And I won't justify my opinion or explain things again

Yes purple I would ignore. It's not as though you asked any ones opinion on your child's eating habits.
Thing is when she starts school she will be allowed a pudding which will probably have as much sugar as a mini roll anyway. (That's if you opt for school dinners )
This thread did make me go out and buy a packet today and very nice it was too.

Audrey