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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Childminder not offering half of DD's lunch in case the other kids want what she has?

169 replies

PurpleElsa · 09/09/2016 10:13

My DD (3), goes to a childminder and has to take a packed lunch. I try and keep things interesting for her, and usually put in one treat for her, such as one of those teddy cake things, or a mini roll, alongside standard sandwich, babybel, yogurt and fruit. I noticed that the treat would always be returned EVERY time. I sent it back each day, but it was always returned unopened. I eventually asked childminder about it (as it was getting on my wick and I know DD loves a little treat) and was told that she tries to give all the children she looks after the same kind of item at the same time i.e. they all get sandwich, then yogurt etc. And if she offered DD her treat, the others would want one too.
In my opinion, if she wants all children to eat the same thing she she bloody well provide the lunches. I'm sure on occasion there would be something one of the others had that DD fancied, but she would have to have whatever I had packed.

I'm really cross about it. AIBU?

OP posts:

RepentAtLeisure · 09/09/2016 12:32

Those are her rules. Give her the treat when you pick her up?

BlondieLoxie · 09/09/2016 12:32

Totally get where your childminder is coming from. Registered childminders follow the EYFS curriculum like nurseries do. Healthy eating is part of that. However, that should have been made clear to you in her policies. Also, better communication skills wouldnt have gone a miss from her, rather that continuosly sending it back without an explanation.

MissMoo22 · 09/09/2016 12:36

YABU, she doesn't 'need a treat every day and it would upset the other kids if one was getting a treat and the rest weren't. I suppose CM could give them all a treat so as to limit any tantrums but how many parents are going to be happy with that?

Give her the treat when she comes home.

Original poster

PurpleElsa · 09/09/2016 12:37

Thank you all for your posts.

I did read (and sign) all the policies when DD first started, and there was nothing in there about restrictions in lunch boxes.

DD only goes a few days a week so she doesn't get sugary treats everyday, and on the days I do offer her one, it's the only sugary item she gets all day. I fully accept I probably put it in her lunchbox in an attempt to make up for the fact that I'm not there (although I hasten to add she loves going - typical parent guilt).

For those saying it's too much food, the sandwich is made using a warburtons (brown) thin. It's a mini yogurt. My DD is a perfect weight and has gorgeous teeth.

And I did try to edit the title after I posted as I realised it was misleading but couldn't work out how on iPhone!

Overall I'm very happy with the service my CM provides, I just wasn't impressed with the way she went about this particular issue. If it had been to do with healthy eating guidelines, fine, but it wasn't. It was because she didn't want to deal with other kids having a tantrum when they didn't get what DD had.

OP posts:

cathf · 09/09/2016 12:38

But a mini roll is tiny! I would agree that a wedge of chocolate fudge cake with double cream is not a good idea every day, but a little mini roll? Really?
As I said, I think this is a bombshell waiting to explode as this generation of children with their over-anxious parents get older.
I don't agree with healthy eating policies at school either - by banning foods, you are doing nothing to teach children to moderate their diets themselves. How can an infant learn not to eat too many biscuits if there are no biscuits on the table in the first place?
My daughter is 12 and she and her friends can't wait to be in the sixth form at school - why? Because the sixth form vending machine dispenses goodies that are banned lower down the school. So that's why our Tesco is packed out every night at 3.30 with kids loading up on crisps, fizzy drinks and sweets, which they probably would not bother with if they were not seen as forbidden fruit (!) at school.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 09/09/2016 12:40

cathf YES!
My mum was like this when I was a child and even teenager. As soon as I was old enough I would buy and hide as much junk food as I could, and even now as an adult I eat a ridiculous amount of it. I have currently 30+ packs of candy in the kitchen...
I don't see what is wrong with including a treat in a lunchbox, it doesn't have to be cake or chocolate everyday, a handful of nuts or dried fruit, a bite size cookie, just something out of the ordinary and a small quantity. How boring to eat a sandwich/yogurt/fruit every single day.

Blue4ever · 09/09/2016 12:40

It's probably in the childminder's policy, it's a standard policy to give children healthy food and a balanced diet. I was told very clearly during my training as a childminder that if children bring their own food the content has to be healthy. A 3 year old does not need a chocolate roll, or cake or biscuit. Especially if they had had fruit and a yogurt. Sorry op Yabu.

Original poster

PurpleElsa · 09/09/2016 12:42

Following on from a few other posts, I remember someone telling me of a toddler who was allowed NO sugar and he would spend his time at playgroups crawling around on the floor trying to find dropped bits of biscuits from snack time. You can go too far the other way.

OP posts:

BabyGanoush · 09/09/2016 12:42

oh, cathf, I did not know there was anyone out there who thought like this. I thought I was a lone voice in the desert

Totally agree. I am trying to go against the grain, and my kids have access to crisps/biscuits/chocolate bars. They are 11/13 now, and don't even have a treat every day, they forget about the crisps/choc bars because they are always there. We will see how this strategy pans out long term

Saying that, surely it's not a big deal to not give a child a mini roll for lunch, just give her a treat at home.

Cherryskypie · 09/09/2016 12:43

She should have said something but as she's generally good and your DD is happy then it's one you can let go. Maybe she didn't know how to word it without offending you?

Esspee · 09/09/2016 12:44

On the bright side your child is eating the healthy option, only the crap is being returned. (calling it a treat implies it is a good thing so I prefer the word crap)

Lweji · 09/09/2016 12:45

I'm not against treats at all.

My DS is allowed crisps and sugary stuff (although having them at home doesn't help).

But I'd just give those treats at home, if it has become a problem in the childminder.

Cherryskypie · 09/09/2016 12:45

I think calling it crap is on a par with calling it a treat. It's food.

PatriciaHolm · 09/09/2016 12:46

A Cadbury's mini roll has 11.4g of sugar in. That's pretty much all the sugar a 3 year old she eat in an entire day, right there.

No-one that I can see is advocating banning all treats all week, and making the child eat bare granary toast and breadsticks all the time. But if she's having a yoghurt and a mini roll thing everyday, she's easily eating more than the recommended amount of sugar every day just in pudding for lunch.

Processed cakes contain an awful lot more sugar than most of think they do.

Cherryskypie · 09/09/2016 12:47

I keep all processed cake away from my DC by eating it all myself. The sacrifices of a mother ...

gillybeanz · 09/09/2016 12:55

I can see where she is coming from, but should have said so from the start.
isn't a treat an occasional thing, not a daily thing.
I also think you are setting yourself up for trouble in the future referring to any type of food as a treat. Sugary food isn't good for them, how can it be a treat. Try a banana instead and call that a treat.

trafalgargal · 09/09/2016 12:56

You might want to think about easing Mummy guilt with junk food, there's lots of other treats you could use instead like a trip to the swings on the way home or whatever that don't use food as an emotional support.

StiginaGrump · 09/09/2016 13:01

Cathf a mini roll isn't tiny for a toddler. It is the whole free sugar allowance which works fine as the OP goes on to describe but much less well as the daily lunch treat before the tea time treat.

I think the experiments you were looking for have happened already. There was rationing and those children and adults didn't subsequently balloon crazily but later generations certainly have with much more easily available 'treats'.
Middle class children with middle class diets in middle class jobs and areas stay thinner than their more economically deprived peers.
The shock outcome to our treat culture, to poverty, to junk food everywhere is that we have children with type 2 diabetes, fatty livers, early signs of heart disease. We have more fat children than ever before - that's pretty shocking. The epidemic I see isn't one of over keen mothers enforcing zero sugar.

Goingtobeawesome · 09/09/2016 13:04

This would piss me off. There's too much interference from "professionals" when the child is yours, not theirs. YOU are the professional when it comes to your kids. A little in moderation is fine and I'd be having words with the dishing out crap too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/09/2016 13:09

She's making far to big a deal of it. Why is she dishing it out anyway.

At pre school and nursery both mine just sat and ate out their lunch box.

If they can manage that with God knows how many kids there then a CM cab manage with a couple of pre schoolers.

Irisagogo · 09/09/2016 13:21

I agree with CM.
You have yogurt -sugar
Fruit- sugar
Cake sugar.

Too many treats. Send a baby bell or nuts to make it interesting.

PricklyHodgeheg · 09/09/2016 13:25

I wonder what would happen if your DD turned up with chocolate spread sandwiches!

JammyDodger16 · 09/09/2016 13:27

As an ex childminder I do see where she's coming from. Having 5 children round a table with 1 eating a chocolate bar would have caused tears. Personally I would have made a lunchbox rule of no chocolate or cake to fit in with food guidelines I was using with the others.

cathf · 09/09/2016 13:36

Irisagogo, I rest my case.
If we are honestly saying that fruit should be limited because of the sugar content, I give up.
When are people going to use a bit of common sense and reality instead of blindly following the herd?

Irisagogo · 09/09/2016 13:44

I'm not saying ban fruit!
I'm saying it is a sugar filled treat.

You don't need processed sugar, natural sugar is fine, good to be encouraged.

I'm pointing out HOW many treats there are!

Even fruit should be looked at when balancing a diet.

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