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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder not offering half of DD's lunch in case the other kids want what she has?

169 replies

PurpleElsa · 09/09/2016 10:13

My DD (3), goes to a childminder and has to take a packed lunch. I try and keep things interesting for her, and usually put in one treat for her, such as one of those teddy cake things, or a mini roll, alongside standard sandwich, babybel, yogurt and fruit. I noticed that the treat would always be returned EVERY time. I sent it back each day, but it was always returned unopened. I eventually asked childminder about it (as it was getting on my wick and I know DD loves a little treat) and was told that she tries to give all the children she looks after the same kind of item at the same time i.e. they all get sandwich, then yogurt etc. And if she offered DD her treat, the others would want one too.
In my opinion, if she wants all children to eat the same thing she she bloody well provide the lunches. I'm sure on occasion there would be something one of the others had that DD fancied, but she would have to have whatever I had packed.

I'm really cross about it. AIBU?

OP posts:
kilmuir · 09/09/2016 10:40

Well other kids need to learn they can't always have what others have. Childminder is paid to deal with all that

Gileswithachainsaw · 09/09/2016 10:40

But the other kids lunches aren't ops problem

I personally wouldn't send in biscuits or cake daily

BUT just because some parents of include one or two items or their lunches are less Interesting doesn't mean everyone else should have to go without.

Better not send in mini sausages incase one of the vegetarian kids wants one....

If there are policies on what can go into the lunch boxes then say so.

But hiding behind "tantrums" just makes her sound lazy tbh

SaucyJack · 09/09/2016 10:40

You also need to think about how you would feet if and when the boot is on the other foot.

If your childminder took on a child who had just crisps, cake and a chocolate spread sandwich every day, would you be happy to have the same old argument every fricking morning with your DD over why she has to have an apple and a cheese sandwich?

I like blanket bans on junk. Best all round.

WorraLiberty · 09/09/2016 10:41

If the childminder is following healthy eating guidelines (which would be a good thing imo), she needs to spell it out to parents and encourage healthier lunchboxes.

The excuse she's given just makes her sound like she's too lazy or too unprofessional to be able to deal with any fall-outs.

PP's are right though, it's nowhere near half her lunch.

AppleAndBlackberry · 09/09/2016 10:42

I don't think it's an unreasonable policy, but she really should have told you so that you could provide an alternative or at least be aware of it. After all you were sending a quantity of food that you thought she would eat and she was not being given the opportunity to eat it all.

longdiling · 09/09/2016 10:43

Well technically she gets to decide what she's paid to do - up to a point. Childminder's are self employed. She doesn't have to deal with this kind of issue the way a parent dictates. How and wheb she teaches children that they can't always have what they want is up to her. Of course the parents can then vote with their feet if they disagree. But the 'i pay you to do x' attitude doesn't always apply with self employed people.

Chocolatefudgecake100 · 09/09/2016 10:44

Yanbu if you are to provide lunch then your child should be given what youve provided your kid your choice i say

Arseicle · 09/09/2016 10:44

But the other kids lunches aren't ops problem

They are, if the childminder says its impacting on her and the care she gives. It doesn't have to be her problem, but then she needs to find a new childminder if thats to be the case.

pleasemothermay1 · 09/09/2016 10:45

My friend childminds they all have Diffrent Lunches it's usually always a nightmare

Some kids have loads of shit in there lunch box others have hardly Any food some have really healthy

She should just provide lunch and make you pay extra

windmillsofyourmind · 09/09/2016 10:46

Why do kids have to be so mollified these days. There seems to be too much concern into whether something might not seem fair and whether certain things could effect certain children.

Let them be prepared for the real world I say. If you worried over how other little children might feel/be affected over something someone else has and they haven't, you could literally go on forever, where on earth would you draw the line.

Your DD should be allowed to eat her own packed lunch in peace without any of this nonsense. I can't imagine other kids taking that much interest in someone else's lunch anyway.

But if you start pandering to things like this where would you draw the line, some kids might just love a babybel or a yoghurt and not get any, would this make them kick off too? Just ridiculous imo.

TheNoodlesIncident · 09/09/2016 10:47

hiding behind "tantrums" just makes her sound lazy tbh

Oh, I dunno, we don't know what some of the other kids are like. Wink Maybe the CM would just rather avoid some of the more challenging behaviours that some toddlers present... ? Not looking at you DS

It's just as easy to give treats at home as putting it in the already adequate lunchbox.

LouBlue1507 · 09/09/2016 10:47

As a registered CM she would HAVE to follow some sort of healthy eating guidelines in accordance with Ofsted or CSSIW etc... There would be a policy on this in the CMs policies and procedures, which IME parents hardly ever read!

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 09/09/2016 10:49

she has a point, with the spiralling child obesity rate - she is better off keeping the diet simple and healthy TBH

so whilst she has not handled it well her motives are pure!

think how many people would be pissed off if they had a healthy diet and then CM filled kids with mini rolls?

give her a healthier treat instead

Notso · 09/09/2016 10:49

What Chikara said.

Cherryskypie · 09/09/2016 10:50

Are you happy with the rest of the care she provides? If so it's not really worth getting stressed about. Give your DD the 'treat' after dinner instead.

SandyY2K · 09/09/2016 10:51

It would annoy me TBH, but she should have explained it to you instead of just sending it back every day.

Perhaps you can bring the treat for DD when you pick her up instead.

SharonfromEON · 09/09/2016 10:58

As a CMinder. I include the cost of lunch in my prices for this very reason..They always want what the other have..It is easier to give them all the same.

Also I save treats for parents to give them. They may have a fairy cake if we have baked some, but not generally every day foods

CafeCremeEtCroissant · 09/09/2016 10:58

If consider a 'perk' of using childcare not having to make lunches so I'd find one who provided them 😊 Saves all this nonsense too.

However, unless she has given all
Parents a list of guidelines that must be followed, then she should be giving the children what the parents have provided - else where do you draw the line? What if all of the children except one had sandwiches & the other one had pasta, if all the others wanted pasta too what's she going to do? Ban pasta too?

AmyInTheBoonies · 09/09/2016 11:06

It's unreasonable not to have communicated this to you at the beginning. I'd be annoyed to just have things returned and not understand what was happening.

I've had issues with extra curricular classes where the communication is really poor, I find it a very off putting trait in anyone looking after dd.

sleeponeday · 09/09/2016 11:09

Honestly it wouldn't bother me. If she's loving, fun and your child is happy then this is really minor.

It may also be that she has a healthy eating policy and doesn't want to piss you off or seem critical by saying so. I mean, occasional treats are one thing, cake after every meal is another. If she was refusing to give the yoghurt I'd have more concerns tbh.

Arseicle · 09/09/2016 11:10

Let them be prepared for the real world I say

They are TODDLERS. Fucking hell.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 09/09/2016 11:10

She should have told you from day 1.

trafalgargal · 09/09/2016 11:11

I'm actually a bit gobsmacked that you'd take a packed lunch to a childminder. Mine (both of them) always cooked a hot and healthy lunch with pudding.

Whilst I don't think your CM gave the best reasons I do think the policy itself is a sound one .if a mini roll is "half her lunch" I'd be concerned the food you are providing is inadequate though.

Kids don't need a sweet treat every day though .

rockyroad3 · 09/09/2016 11:13

She should have made it clear from the onset what is allowed/expected to bring.

I was looked after by a CM with 4 other children. We all ate with her (ie she cooked) bar one child who brought a packed lunch in the most beautiful lunch basket lined with a tartan napkin and we were always excited to see what she was going to eat. This left me with a lunch box complex and I always add in some sort of treat for school, so YANBU for that.

Creativemode · 09/09/2016 11:14

Why not just wait until she gets home and give her a treat then?

I like the sound of your childminder TBH. You can always change CM if you want your DD to eat sweets in front of other kids.
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