Childminder not offering half of DD's lunch in case the other kids want what she has?

[PurpleElsa]

My DD (3), goes to a childminder and has to take a packed lunch. I try and keep things interesting for her, and usually put in one treat for her, such as one of those teddy cake things, or a mini roll, alongside standard sandwich, babybel, yogurt and fruit. I noticed that the treat would always be returned EVERY time. I sent it back each day, but it was always returned unopened. I eventually asked childminder about it (as it was getting on my wick and I know DD loves a little treat) and was told that she tries to give all the children she looks after the same kind of item at the same time i.e. they all get sandwich, then yogurt etc. And if she offered DD her treat, the others would want one too.
In my opinion, if she wants all children to eat the same thing she she bloody well provide the lunches. I'm sure on occasion there would be something one of the others had that DD fancied, but she would have to have whatever I had packed.

I'm really cross about it. AIBU?

*eating
*they
*were
*I've
*not

I never put pudding type things in dd's lunchbox, too expensive for one thing and back then I was scrabbling around for pennies, and I hated flavoured yoghurts and until dd had been at nursery for a while, I'd forgotten they existed.

So for her pudding, I'd pop one square of Cadbury's in her lunchbox. By the time she started school it was a tradition so I carried on. Then school banned chocolate in lumchboxes, so I wrapped it in kitchen foil and she ate it discreetly. This has continued right the way through - started when she was 2.5 and she's just moved onto College now, 12+ years I've been wrapping a square of choc in kitchen foil!

Cathf - you were implying that controlling sugar intake artificially would always result in subsequent binge behaviour. Rationing shows this isn't true - the shared experience was dietary restriction particularly of sugar. After the end of rationing that generation maintained healthy weights in comparison to later generations.
Stodgy pudding and custard was and is fine if you are burning it off - now we are more sedentary we generally aren't doing so. Also a pud and custard can have many more nutritional positives than commercial biscuits, cakes and choc which tend to be consumed by kids.

I can see you are committed to your opinion but if you look at the data, at the sales of confectionary, at the size of local kids then unless you live somewhere terribly rarefied you will see the impact of over consumption of calories/sugar.

Sadly I don't have toddlers any more and we eat plenty of 'junk' but it does balance and my kids make decent choices overall. I do work in a related area and am saddened by the normalisation of eating habits that are desperately hard to resist and that are fucking up the bodies and teeth of more and more of our children.

Memoires that's cute though I wonder how many squares you are whilst you wrapped:)

It's fine for kids to have different things in their lunch box. What I don't understand is why you'd choose to put crap in your kids lunchbox?

It's not the policy so much as the lack of communication of what the policy actually is. If you don't know what the CM is going to deem a "treat" and ban, it's hard to plan varied lunches. For example a poster suggested olives - but are they a treat as they're very salty and lots of toddlers love them? What about a fromage frais? Certainly packed with sugar most of them. A no chocolate no cake rule would be fine if specified in advance. I wouldn't be happy with random items being sent back depending what other parents happened to send that day.

I think it's up to the mum what she puts in her lunch box .
If cm wants them to eat the same then she should provide the meals.
Some of the yoghurts have tons of sugar in what if one child has a chocolate yoghurt or a petit filous and another child has a plain yoghurt that's not fair either.

She has a healthy eating policy like most schools and nurseries do. A 3 yr old doesn't need a mini roll etc with their lunch everyday and if she's having enough to eat without it I can't see why you mind. If you want her to have something unhealthy every day then give it at home.

I really want a mini roll now....

For a few months one of my kids went to a childminder (at age 5). That was one of her rules, however she told me in the interview, not after I hired her.

But if a child starts there who is wheat intolerant, will the rest not be allowed to eat their sandwiches?

Why wouldn't they be allowed? I minded a child with wheat intolerance and he brought a packed lunch with foods he could eat, including sandwiches made with wheat free bread. He also had contact allergy to it, it wouldn't cause excess harm but wouldn't give him uncomfortable itchy patches so I had a procedure. Wash everyone's hands and faces on arrival and again before lunch then clean the table and countertops before eating to ensure there was no cross contamination (e.g. breadcrumbs) They all ate together and were supervised to make sure there was no misguided sharing (but they should be supervised when eating anyway) then clean everything and everyone again at the end of the meal including a quick vacuum for any crumbs on the floor.

I don't see how a wheat intolerance applies to this situation or people saying what if someone had pasta and everyone else had sandwiches. Pasta vs sandwiches isn't generally an issue as most parents of young children tend to pack the things they know their child will eat so they're generally happy to eat what they're given. The issue is one child having a chocolate coated cake and the other children not having one. When they're not at an age to understand "well xxxx's mum gave her it and your mum didn't give you one" then it's easier all round to not allow the chocolate coated cake (healthy eating debate aside). Looking at it from the point of view of the other parents, I can't imagine them being happy if their toddler was frequently in tears at lunchtime because another child was eating cake in front of them or if they felt pressured to provide cake because so and so has cake. By the time they get to school it's not as big an issue as by that point they are old enough to understand a basic explanation of why someone has a different lunch to them (and chocolate coated items are banned by most schools anyway).

Your childminder should have communicated this better. Have you asked her if she has a healthy eating policy?

I don't agree with the reasoning but since when did 'treats', especially sugary ones, become daily affairs.

A small something sweet as part of a balanced meal is just fine. I wouldn't refer to it as a treat though, that implies the sweet thing is somehow a reward for eating the boring savoury things. A treat could just as well be a savoury thing they don't usually get.

I wish healthy eating messages for kids could be more about balance. I don't think this whole fat and sugar=bad, salad and fruit=good thing is the right message at all.

I back the childminder. I wish there was more healthy eating for children's packed lunches. At my children's school, there are a lot of unhealthy lunches and my kids would also like to have sugary foods in their lunch every day too. Unfortunately, their dentist has told me to cut sugar out of their diet completely as they both have very weak enamel on their teeth despite having a very healthy diet. It is not nice for them to have to watch other children eat sugary food every single day at school. Your child can have their treat at home where other children are not forced to watch her.

YABU. The child minder is trying to do the best thing for all the children she's looking after. Your child isn't going to suffer not having a 'treat'

Catkind, years ago when my oldest was little (mid 1990s) there was Something called 'muesli belt malnutrition, which was when well-meaning parents were feeding their toddlers according to adult healthy eating guidelines. I think we are back there now.
The hysteria over a little mini roll is hilarious - oh how those children will hit the junk once they escape their mother's overanxious clutches!
And for the debate on whethes such contraband is a treat or not - posters seem to he saying such 'junk' is practically banned but is not a treat. So what is it?
Standing by to he told that posters children regard bananas as treats ....

A daily mini roll is unreasonable. Sugary, manufactured, tastes pretty blah. I certainly wouldn't consider that a treat.

I agree that CM should have communicated her policies better.

Your CM is probably wondering why you keep sending the 'treat' when she's told you the rules. If you don't like the rules she sets then leave. Simple.

While I do appreciate most of the replies (apart from the snarky bitchy ones but hey, this is mumsnet ) I do wish some of you would RTFT.

I do not offer my DD a DAILY mini roll. And CM did not tell me treats were not allowed.

I'm very much of the opinion that everything is fine in moderation, and think the sugar nazis are setting themselves (and their children) up for a spectacular fall.

the sugar nazis are setting themselves (and their children) up for a spectacular fall

Much as I'd love to agree, this is not my experience. I don't restrict sugar much, kids are a lot older now. But people who do often manage this very well. By the time these kids are teens they have become very used to being praised for their often very slender frames and do continue this regime out of their own volition. It can work.

It would just be too joyless and exhausting for me, so I don't do it. Not to mention that I eat what I want and would feel a bit mean denying the kids the same.

What is the problem with you giving the mini roll at your house on the days she is at the cm if you really want her to have it? Then you could see her enjoy it. It likely will cause problems if little ones have healthy lunches packed and yours is having a biscuit or cake so I see no issue with the cm trying to make mealtimes less stressful. I suspect it was more to do with the need to promote healthy eating in her care though and she just didn't want to sound like she was criticising your choices. If your dd is having one of those mini yoghurt Petit Filous type things I would consider that the treat anyway as they are not very healthy at all.
Reminds me of those parent shoving chips and chocolate bars through the gates of healthy eating schools because they were infringing their kids rights by providing them with a balanced healthy meal!

Demonising biscuits or a slice of cake is stupid and unhealthy.

"the sugar nazis are setting themselves (and their children) up for a spectacular fall"

Hmm. Thing is, the more you eat those kind of sweet, processed fake cake/biscuit things- the more you crave the sugar. It's a vicious circle.

I don't have a sweet tooth these days. I genuinely find pre-packaged cakes like Mini Rolls horrible. Not setting meself up for a fall at all.

Babybels on the other hand......

I firmly believe that the best way to establish healthy adults is to promote good habits as children. I've never seen any actual evidence to contradict that.

That's not 'demonising' sugar, but it is minimising it. And it's definitely restricting the consumption of highly manufactured, nutritionally void products like mini rolls.

Continuous "praise for very slender frames ?"

And that is a good thing?

What are you saying?