I'm so sorry it's about disabled bus seats

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

But It's absolutely not the normal "having a dig" thread and if I wasn't torturing myself about the situation I promise I wouldn't post it.

So I don't drip feed: I'm autistic and have an invisible physical disability.

The bus to DD's nursery was just a small one on this occasion and there was one wheelchair/disabled seat. The front seats have 'elderly' signs on and there's a sign on the wheelchair seat saying something like "This seat is for wheelchair users. Small prams and buggies may use this seat but must move if a wheelchair user needs access". Totally acceptable, I have no dispute.

So basically what happened was I got on to pick DD up from nursery, normally we go in the car but only DP drives and he was called to work. I have 6 month old DS in his pram (Silver Cross Wayfarer if it's relevant coz I can't fold it). I was in a lot of pain that day or I would have used his sling, i physically couldn't do it. In fact I kind of lean on the pram like a zimmer frame IYSWIM.

Pay for my ticket, park pram in the space and sit in the disabled seat. Every other seat on the bus is taken. Elderly people in the front seats. Halfway through the journey we reach a bus station and a lady in a wheelchair is in the queue, bus driver tells me to get off. Normally I'd 100% do this but I wouldn't have made DD's pick up.... She is only 4 so can't exactly wait another 30mins for the next bus.

I start having a panic attack with the situation and kind of splutter out that I really need to catch the bus. The absolutely lovely lady in the wheelchair says she's only taking her shopping home and will wait for the next bus.

Bus driver, assuming I guess that I'm just a snotty young entitled mother demanding the seat, continues to tell me to get off the bus. I start to cry.

I manage to choke out that I'm also disabled and get told "aye of course you are love, what kind of person takes a seat from someone in a wheelchair". It then felt like he was pitting us off one another, like some awful 'disability contest' saying things like "go on then what have you got, is it worse?"

The lady eventually gets through to him that she really isn't in a rush and goes out of the station so he can't just sit and wait for her. He reluctantly drives off with a shitty attitude and a grunt

I don't know what I'd have done without her lovely calm demeanor. I'm still absolutely mortified that I didn't get off the bus though, if it wasn't for DD there's no way I'd have stayed on.

Totally prepared to hear I WBU, especially for starting a bus seat thread. But I can't stop thinking about it and have noone to discuss with IRL

In hindsight I would have caught an earlier bus but usually they have big ones with 3 disabled/pram seats so I didn't think.

[GDarling]

It's ridiculous that they have only 1 space for a wheelchair! Write to them on this important matter.
I agree a card is a good idea, I agree that it was a wheelchair bay not disabled, so really you should have moved, the bus driver was only doing as he was instructed, annoyed and probably embarrassed/frustrated at the situation.
I feel for you, but you should have moved and from now on, be at least a half hour early for pick up.

[TopazRocks]

I think you could complain to the bus company. Their driver needs a reminder about invisible disability and equality.

And I know our bus company - Stagecoach grr! - has their drivers on such a tight schedule they can worry about delays. Not that that excuses his unpleasantness to you, OP.

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

I don't doubt many people do it. It still Sounds ridiculous when used as a way to compete for a wheelchair space with an actual wheelchair user

[PickAChew]

Regulations in full. Now applicable to single deckers and will be to double deckers from January
psvsales.com/PSVAR.pdf

And "priority" seating is the word I was looking for - it's for anyone with issues affecting mobility, not just the ones with grey hair.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

I think a big issue is some disabled mothers really need a pram and there isn't an option for this on the bus. Basically, what if you're disabled and need a pram space I will accept IABU for not having better arrangements for picking up DD

On the big buses (company starts with an S) there's a wheelchair space, 2-3 separate flip seats for the disabled or prams and then the front two rows are for the elderly so I wasn't expecting the situation at all

[Blistory]

It'll be interesting to see how the Supreme Court rules on this issue in the current case before them. The bus company is being sued because the driver didn't and apparently couldn't legally insist on the wheelchair space being vacated. The person using the wheelchair is suing because he couldn't get on and was therefore discriminated against.

[Comejointhemurder]

The card scheme is great. Until there are two (or even more) card - holders legally entitled to the same limited space and you're expecting a bus driver with no knowledge of many conditions to make a judgement on who should have priority.

I think most; if not all, would prioritise a wheelchair user. And not because they're being bastards but because it is more visibly obvious.

[IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes]

Bus driver sounds like a total total wanker in how he dealt with it! You needed the space due to your disabilty and what that precisely is was none of his business. It's sad in this day and age that in so many people's minds no wheelchair = no disability. What a horrible position to put you in for you OP.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

At one point the lady said something like "just because I'm in this chair doesn't mean I can't wait" or along those lines (sorry it's not accurate I was a bit distressed) that's when she left the station. She did seem agitated that the driver wouldn't accept her kind offer to let me stay on

So I don't think she was annoyed that I was there, at least she didn't let it show and if she'd asked at any point I would have gotten off

[IWouldLikeToSeeTheseMangoes]

Sounds like she didn't like the bus driver's attitude either. He was obviously making everyone involved uncomfortable with his complete lack of tact!

[Submariner]

I disagree that it was poor planning on OPs part to get the bus that would get her to nursery on time. If a non disabled person has the right to just rock up to the bus stop and get on, then so should a disabled person. You shouldn't have to essentially expect to be stood outside your daughter's nursery for an extra half an hour because you have a disability and have to get an earlier bus. The onus is on the bus company to ensure that disabled passengers get an equivalent service to non disabled people.

[mycatwantstokillme1]

OP, you're not being unreasonable and please think about getting one of the autism awareness cards that others have suggested. My son has aspergers and I hadn't heard of them, I'm now going to ask him if he'd feel comfortable carrying one.

My son also had a brain haemmoraghe when he was 6 weeks old which has left him with problems with his speech and fine/gross motor skills. Some of the bus drivers in London drive like they're in sega rally championship, so he can't walk up the stairs on a double decker, same for walking right to the back of the bus. We try and sit at the front of the bust priority seats and if anyone else more in need gets on I give up my seat. The amount of times people have given him a dirty look, or made comments about young people being selfish etc makes my blood pressure rocket. Depending on my mood I either ignore them, say something politely or tear them off a strip. I think I'd definitley going to get him one of those cards, please think about getting one too!

[CrohnicallyAspie]

comejointhemurder in which case there are a couple of options

1. the disabled people talk to each other- maybe person already on bus is going home to cook tea but the other person needs to get on for a hopital appointment, you would hope they would 'win'
   
2. whoever is on first stays on- similar to what happens if the bus is at capacity (inc standees) then no one else can get on
   
   Another question- I'm often on a tight budget and might have only brought enough cash for the journey. If I were to get off the bus voluntarily to allow someone else on, would the bus driver refund me/give me a valid ticket to complete my journey? It doesn't seem fair that someone doing 'the right thing' and vacating a seat could be penalised by having to pay for another bus trip. Which brings me to another idea- what if passengers were rewarded by an extra free ticket if they volunteered to vacate their seat? Perhaps more people would be willing if they thought they were getting something out of it!

[WorraLiberty]

Just get a folding buggy for the bus.

Someone will always be willing to help you fold it/hold the baby.

There were no spaces for wheelchairs or prams when I had my eldest 2 DC.

By the time I had my 3rd there was, but I wouldn't have expected anyone to think it was OK to take up a wheelchair space with a huge pram, when they know there's a chance they might have to fold.

[foreverandalways]

I am also registered disabled.....have had a bus pass for a few years now but not used it...you should have taken his name or number etc....where he was based and reported it.....I would not have discussed anything with a bus driver!!! Under any circumstance....I am sorry you went through such a horrible experience....you should not have been made to feel that way or be questioned by a bus driver!! Take care.x

[GDarling]

Submariner.. Surely it's better to be earlier than late, what is a half hour when yr socialising, standing around, some people don't think that it's important to be on time!! After all, what is a half hour?? ( unless yr working of course)
I suppose they say wheelchair users, because everyone else can sit in a seat provided!

[CandyMcJingles]

Op that sounds awful and the fact you are reflecting in it shows you are a considerate person.

The next bit of my post is just for general information for all.

The wheelchair space is actually for all disabilities. Disability is signified by a picture of a wheelchair but it is not only a wheelchair space.
For example, myself and my guide dog use this space as its not easy for a guide dog to walk ona moving bus and their is more space for her - and there's a lower down special button to press by the disability priority seats which gives a specific signal to the driver that someone in that space wants to get off. So the driver knows to take extra time and care as required.
There are lots of disabilities that require the us of these spaces, and not all visible obviously.

Therefore they are not just for wheelchairs (that's just the picture symbol).

I'm sorry the driver spoke to you like this. There's prbsybablitbif training that needs to be done with public transport regarding accessibility.

[Submariner]

GDarling, yes of course it's better to be early than late, I usually am, but OP has already said she was struggling physically. Could she have stood outside for half an hour? Also, it's about equality. If a non disabled person has the right to say Oh dear, it's time to hop on the bus, then so should a disabled person. Disabled people don't have to be these all virtuous, super organised beings who never make a quick decision or cause a fuss. OP says that this was a one off as her DH normally drives. That's not unreasonable, it's a very normal situation that no-one would have batted an eyelid at if the two people involved hadn't been disabled.

[FrameyMcFrame]

If you're using busses regularly I think you would be better off with a foldable buggy like a mcclaren that folds up easily.

Then you could have folded and stowed the buggy, another passenger could have given you their seat and maybe helped worth stowing the buggy and getting it out again.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

"what is a half hour when yr socialising, standing around, some people don't think that it's important to be on time!! After all, what is a half hour?? ( unless yr working of course)"

I hope this doesn't sound rude but for me half an hour is half an hour hiding in a corner by the gate praying that noone speaks to me, half an hour of endless worry that DS might want fed/soil himself/etc, half an hour of standing (there's no seating and I have chronic pain), half an hour of feeling dizzy and nauseous and it possibly pouring down with rain as I'm up in the north where it's the wettest. But i do accept that I need alternative arrangements for DD just in case, no idea what they could be but I'll think of something

[QuestionableMouse]

Oh for fuck's sake. This kind of thing pisses me off.

Neither the OP nor the lady in the wheelchair did anything wrong. If the OP was using a walking frame, would you say the same thing? I'd also imagine that as she was so badly affected today, folding a buggy and holding a baby for the entire trip would have been too much for her.

All of you telling her she's being unreasonable and should have got off are missing the point.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Sorry hope that didn't sound too "oh woe is me" I do realise people have to live with situations like this every day and I need to just get on with it but it isn't easy

[ToxicLadybird]

what is a half hour when yr socialising, standing around, some people don't think that it's important to be on time!! After all, what is a half hour?? ( unless yr working of course)



Says someone who is clearly utterly ignorant of what it's like to live with a disability. Are people really this uninformed? In 2016?

[QuestionableMouse]

And just to continue my rant- my mum is disabled and uses a wheelchair. She can walk if she has something sturdy to lean on- so an Asda trolley is okay, but a flimsy folding buggy wouldn't be.

[YourNewspaperIsShit]

Questionable That sounds very similar to me, i can also lean on the trolley because it can take my weight but when chosing a pram I did purposely pick something big and sturdy without thinking about public transport or even knowing that they require fold away buggies