... to start my own sh*t birthday present from DH thread?

[liz70]

...Seeing as there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment?

My birthday was on Tuesday. I spent most of it running around after other people - taking DD2 to an appointment, looking after DD3 in the evening while DH had a meet up (optional) after work. So by the time he comes in at 9pm I've been run ragged, getting DD3 fed, bathed, to bed, hanging washing, getting things ready for the next morning, preparing a meal for us etc.

So DH puts my birthday present on the table. A small bag of Thornton's chocolates. Unwrapped.

Now... I don't think I'm particularly materialistic. I try to keep costs down with shopping - groceries are pretty much all supermarket and value brand. I buy most of my and DD3's clothes from George, F & F and suchlike. I don't demand designer hand bags or diamond jewellery.

We're not super wealthy, but neither are we skint - no mortgage, and a comfortable amount of savings.

It seemed to have fuck all thought put into it, and he couldn't even be arsed to wrap it. I did ask if he'd also brought a bunch of flowers from a petrol station, to complete the whole "will this do?" vibe, but no.

I just feel so fucking undervalued and unappreciated right now.

I think I'll just tell him that from now on, don't fucking bother getting me anything for birthdays. I'd rather buy something myself.

It was our 15th wedding anniversary on Thursday.

He remembered, and talked about booking a meal out for Friday.

On the day: a flapjack and adult colouring book. Unwrapped. On my desk at work.

Since then I've been keeping schtum and waiting to see if he has actually arranged a meal out, but I'm not optimistic.

My DH has always been terrible at presents, I have learned to accept that but I still secretly hope he'll surprise me one of these days! Classics include on my first birthday that we were together was hoping for jewellery or something meaningful, what I get is a green sparkly lava lamp?!
Our wedding anniversary just gone I made a real effort with his gift (little lego versions of us framed really nicely) and I get a pink and purple scarf (I bloody hate pink, which he knows) I made him take it back and exchange it!
His trouble is that he sucks at making decisions on his own, case in point he didn't actually technically propose because he couldn't decide if I'd like the ring he'd chosen so I had to go to the shop and give my approval much to the bafflement of the salesman (tbf it was a beauty of a ring). Bless him

For my birthday in August OH got me... a car cleaning kit! My car gets me from A to B. I have NEVER expressed an interest in cleaning the vehicle myself. He however has just got a new car and has been hankering after getting something to clean it. He used it on his car the day after my birthday!!

The worst thing is the optional meet up after work - THAT I would've had a problem with! YANBU!

Over the last ten years, I've had the following from DH...

1. Nothing (not even a card) for my birthday.
2. Ditto for Mother's Day.
3. A deep fat fryer (that he uses and that I've never touched.
4. A stress squeezer ball
5. A vibrator.
6. A dress that was too small and frankly, hideous.
7. Leather driving gloves. I was 25.
8. Garage flowers.

Fortunately he does get it right more than he gets it wrong and after getting nothing in the first year of our relationship he soon learned to shower me with gifts and has done a pretty good job since

Grandparent who totally forgot to get a card (I was a child) and asked if I would prefer an extra fiver rather than buying a card.

I must be a crap aunt, I offered my nephew £5 in lieu of a card, he was delighted. Card for me are just a waste of money. If I bother to open them then I read them and put them in the bin. DH is the same, we were away for his birthday and so it was 2 weeks after before he even saw them and then his birthday cards sat on the side for about 2 weeks before I opened them and binned them.

I would definitely prefer the extra fiver over a card

Ex DH took me to the supermarket on the eve of mother's day and told me to CHOOSE MY CARD! He also bought me a strap on and stripper shoes one Christmas, so I could fulfill his sexual fantasy.

Current DH is lovely mostly. Still got me a pestle and mortar and a pasta maker thing last year, as because I am not busy enough with a young DS, full time job and caring commitments, I need to fill any spare time I may have, grinding my own spices and making my own pasta

My birthday was one month ago and I am still waiting. Apparently he is waiting for me to tell him what I want... So it looks like I will get sod all. I am really bloody pissed off. I am breadwinner, pay for absolutely everything, prepare all meals, organise all family life and have only had 3 months of "mat leave' with our 7 month old youngest. Feeling massively unappreciated and would just once like to feel "spoiled" and as though he has thought about me. Doesn't have to be much, just some thought. I have told him all this and he just looks blankly at me and then goes back to playing what appears to be some children's game on his phone

I'm so sorry about it, for me the worse part was him going out after work instead of coming home to be with you, and help out with the bed time. But as you read here, there's so many other in the same shoes as you
Happy birthday!!!!!

My husband has genuinely forgotten my birthday twice. I would have said oh, are we going shopping on Saturday for my present then? He either forgot and was trying to cover up or he doesn't care. If the latter, it could be, like my lovely DH that birthdays weren't really celebrated in his family being just for kids. It took mine a while to realize that I expected a wrapped present and a card. I drop hints to remind him or send him a list of things/suggestions for presents. He's not offended, more relieved that he can choose me something I would actually like. If your DH falls into the third category, as my ex boyfriend does, of being stingy and uncaring then you need to have strong words about pound shop chocs! Even a large box from Tesco would have been an improvement on that, and he could have got flowers and prosecco at the same time!

Liz70: I totally sumpathise with you. One year DH didn't bother with either my birthday or Mother's Day. My kids were gutted as they had nothing to give me and were too young to go to the shops alone. They did try and make me cards themselves I hasten to add. When I complained (out of earshot of my children) to DH said he didn't have time (only a whole year) and why was I making such a fuss over 2 days when there are another 363 days in the year (when I also get no recognition). My own mother now buys all my birthday and Mother's Day cards for my children to give to me. This year when my children gave me my mothers days cards and a little box of chocs) DH actually said "where did u get all that stuff?!" He has got worse as time has gone by.

God there are some awful blokes out there!

I can't believe some of them actually managed to act like a decent human being long enough to get someone to agree to marry them.

The tales of children crying because they were not able to give their Mum a birthday present, because their father couldn't be bothered to take them to the shops are heartbreaking.

On my amazon wish list at the moment are measuring cups in the shape of cats...

Omg I need those!!

Yep rubbish one here. I suppose if I gave him the catalogue number for something I want he would get it. But I guess I would like some thought to go into it .
So one particular Birthday I asked Mother to give me some money towards prescription sunglasses. I had just spent a fortune on varifocals so didn't want full cost to come out of family budget. Dh cottoned on to this so gave me an iou for prescription sunglasses but only to to x amount. When I moaned he told me sunglasses were not essential. Didn't stop him spending £100 on a non prescription designer pair the previous year not in lieu of a gift.. o and his latest reading glasses are designer FFS
For Christmas this year I said jewellery would be nice. He presents me with a gift voucher and a jewellery shaped box. Great I thought. It was a necklace belonging to his late mum with a broken clasp and knotted chain. It was a ratners special. He said he had discussed it with his brother and they decided to give me this. He clarified that there was a better one but it was too good for me.
Thist is just two examples. I could go on.

That was mother in law.

This year he gave me an IOU for a theatre trip. A nice idea but again no effort needed. I have to sort it

Actually I forgot. He did buy me underwear with completely cut out boob's and crutches. Really tasteful.

Crotch

oh god, some of these are so bad as to be hilarious. My own:

ex-Fiance: mug with the cartoon from those '90s ads on it plus suitcase for my Christmas present after we got engaged. In his defence, I was travelling to spend christmas with family overseas (this may out me if anyone local is on!) but wtf?? Not surprisingly we split a little later.

DH is actually OK, the first ever present he bought me, when we'd only been together a few weeks, was the box set of the Lord of the Rings radio adaptation. Which I love. I have had household things over the years - that I've asked for - but as my birthday is also really close to Christmas I don't tend to get a lot.

The absolute worst present giver ever has to be my best friend's MIL. They are totally atrocious. We now have a game that we play all year round of "find the worst possible gift for xx". Both families (her DH & DS, my DH and DD) join in with a little prize for the one that a) finds the best and b) gets closest to what the evil MIL has bought. And I wouldn't normally call anyone evil but seeing as this MIL had to be pulled away from my best friend by friend's son as she was whacking her (resulting in bruised ribs btw) I think I'm justified!

I also get lovely presents from my own MIL but admit that last year's raised eyebrows with my family - it was most definitely practical, but it was also something I asked for. And i got something totally impractical too which was beautiful.

But OP, I would force your DH to at least take you out for a meal to make up for it!

I forget the other time he got me chocolates I don't like but he loves.

Before we married I got inter flora flowers and nice jewellery one year

For my 40th he wrote 'IOU a trip to a spa for a day' inside my birthday card. A meaningless promise as that was 7 years ago and I am still waiting. For Christmas this year he bought me a frying pan. He hasn't remembered our wedding anniversary in the last 8 years. I get upset each year on my birthday and wedding anniversary - I usually shed some tears about how forgotten and unloved I am. This year my kids (aged 10 and 13) felt so bad for me they forged his name in a wedding anniversary card that they hand made and pretended was from him. To put it in perspective, I have a huge personalised photo card made each year for his birthday with photos of him and the children, plus presents, and I always book a celebratory evening out for his birthday. For his 40th I got him a Mont Blanc Pen (obviously a popular choice).I know I shouldn't bother, but am hoping it will eventually click in his head that he should make some kind of effort for my birthday.

Op, totally shite. Small box of Thorntons unacceptable present generally for anyone, unless it's someone you don't really know or like. I thought getting a pair of wellies was pretty bad, but at least they were Hunter wellies. Although, that did make me think of all the really nice things I could have bought with the money. I think you need to plan a night out with some good friends who appreciate you,p. Don't tell the DH, just walk out all glammed up and tell him you're looking for a man who'll really appreciate you, and not buy you the sort of present that you'd feel mean giving to the neighbours for taking out the rubbish when you're on holiday........

Summer that's so sad. Have you spoken to him about it? Because really it isn't going to click, it's been 8 years. Of course he should make an effort but he isn't so spell it out to him.

One thing I get confused by on mn is the amount of women who talk about how shit their partners are at remembering birthdays and just silently get upset about it and never say anything. Or just buy themselves something, which doesn't solve the problem.