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AIBU?

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Original poster

... to start my own sh*t birthday present from DH thread?

496 replies

liz70 · 08/09/2016 10:58

...Seeing as there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment?

My birthday was on Tuesday. I spent most of it running around after other people - taking DD2 to an appointment, looking after DD3 in the evening while DH had a meet up (optional) after work. So by the time he comes in at 9pm I've been run ragged, getting DD3 fed, bathed, to bed, hanging washing, getting things ready for the next morning, preparing a meal for us etc.

So DH puts my birthday present on the table. A small bag of Thornton's chocolates. Unwrapped.

Now... I don't think I'm particularly materialistic. I try to keep costs down with shopping - groceries are pretty much all supermarket and value brand. I buy most of my and DD3's clothes from George, F & F and suchlike. I don't demand designer hand bags or diamond jewellery.

We're not super wealthy, but neither are we skint - no mortgage, and a comfortable amount of savings.

It seemed to have fuck all thought put into it, and he couldn't even be arsed to wrap it. Sad I did ask if he'd also brought a bunch of flowers from a petrol station, to complete the whole "will this do?" vibe, but no.

I just feel so fucking undervalued and unappreciated right now.Sad

I think I'll just tell him that from now on, don't fucking bother getting me anything for birthdays. I'd rather buy something myself.

OP posts:
Notreallyawaitress · 09/09/2016 22:14

I once had a carrier bag with a lambs heart in it for Valentines Day from my ExH - as if that wasn't hideous enough, I'm a vegetarian! Angry

wiccamum · 09/09/2016 22:21

A lambs heart!?! WTAF!? that is seriously dark Notreallyawaitress. Was it supposed to be some kind of ironic statement? Just nasty....

Notreallyawaitress · 09/09/2016 22:29

wiccamum he was pretty anti-Valentines but he seriously thought it was a romantic gesture and hoped I'd cook it for his dinner - knobhead!

ScouseAT · 09/09/2016 22:30

That just reminded me of when my dad bought my mum lambs hearts and a book of poetry for Valentines. At least it beat the present of a set of step ladders that he got her for her birthday the year earlier. So she could clean the top of the kitchen cupboards safely. The old romantic.

lilypoppet · 09/09/2016 22:32

No that's a c**p gift. He needs to be told to up his game

Original poster
liz70 · 09/09/2016 22:36

I'm torn between shaking my head, laughing and crying, all at the same time here.
And where the fuck did that asterisk in the title come from? Hmm Have we been taken over by NM? Shock

OP posts:
Nikki1171 · 09/09/2016 22:37

It was my 40th birthday a few years ago. Everyone kept asking what dh was getting me. I kept saying he won't be getting anything. On my birthday I got a 40 balloon (dd's had wanted it). I was so angry at him because I run around for everyone and like you it feels like a lack of respect! I didn't speak to him for 3 weeks (apart from to rant about how upset I was) and nearly walked out I was so mad! Since then he has significantly improved though. He doesn't always get it right but at least he tries now!

Improvisingnow · 09/09/2016 22:38

I'm divorced with no family except 3 DCs so no-one really to buy me presents - exH always bought crap I didn't want - so now I always buy my own presents and I make a point of buying something I would usually feel was too extravagant.

Means I always get what I want and it feels like a real treat. I recommend it!

angelofthenorth79 · 09/09/2016 22:39

Ladies I totally feel your pain on the presents front.
My husband, although I love him dearly, when it comes to birthdays and showing a bit of effort and thought needs a kick up the proverbial ;) It was my birthday this week, in fairness he did take the day off work & as a family had a great day out, however the thought and effort in presents and a card needs much improvement.
He took our sons shopping at the weekend, after much reminding it was my birthday. When they arrived back the boys told me what he had bought - a can of oven cleaner, a new hosepipe pipe, a pack of gingerbread biscuits and to top it all off a wooden spoon! Ladies, I kid you not!
My husband and I are not at all materialistic, and in the past he has been able to even make me a nice present. He even once arranged a lovely weekend away and packed all my favourite food. He is able to do it, just wish he would put the effort in now.
His excuse, presents have to be useful and if you don't need it there is no point buying it. I told him I would be more than happy with a picnic somewhere that he had arranged or a night out somewhere / tickets to a gig to see a band we like. I'm really not that hard to buy for ;)

lalaroo · 09/09/2016 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

feellikeanalien · 09/09/2016 23:00

My ExH got me a spice rack for my 21st!

Unbelievably we weren't even engaged at the time and I went on to marry him.

lalaroo · 09/09/2016 23:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CoolCarrie · 09/09/2016 23:04

OP don't destroy the vinyl! There might be some good ones in his collection and you could sell them on ebay or some vinyl dealers site!
Sorry you had a crap time, but Happy Birthday and hope you have a wonderful year ahead x

FlutteringKiteCunt · 09/09/2016 23:10

I need some inspiration for DHs 40th birthday.... Any ideas?!

riceuten · 09/09/2016 23:31

This used to be my poor sister's lot in life - her husband would do no Xmas shopping until the 24th December (she'd buy the kids and him their presents from the meagre rations he provided her with). He would go into the city, meet up with his mate, drink themselves blind and spill out of the pub at 4.30pm and buy what little was left in the shops. She got (male) deodorants and a cheap crappy watch one year.

The (admittedly male) magazine "Viz" did a glorious strip based on this one year, along similar lines - she bought him an X-box. He went to the petrol station at 11.30pm on the 24th and was going to buy him a box of Ferrero Rocher and bucket daffodils - but they'd run out - she got a litre of Duckham's Oil and a British Road Atlas.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 09/09/2016 23:35

I once got bought a trip in a tiny (scary) plane because my DH doesn't like them and I wanted to go on holiday in one and this was apparently was the next best thing - so he thought Hmm

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 09/09/2016 23:38

I realise there was some thought and money spent, but it did feel like salt was being rubbed in the wound and it was quite an unpleasant scary experience.

Bogeyface · 09/09/2016 23:55

1. Grandparent who totally forgot to get a card (I was a child) and asked if I would prefer an extra fiver rather than buying a card.

Skipped forward while RTWT to say that I would have fucking LOVED this when I was a kid! £5 and a card V £10 and no card.....no brainer! :o

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 09/09/2016 23:58

I got nothing on my 21st from then boyfriend. On his 21st the month before I'd spent ages sourcing 21 presents (mostly little things but including some nice cufflinks, books I knew he wanted, food he liked, cinema tickets etc) and organising a treasure hunt around our uni town to find them culminating in a party. Twat. I wasn't even surprised though.

I think the most genuinely disappointing present I've ever had though was from my parents on my tenth birthday. They were usually brilliant at presents and Christmas and birthdays were huge in our house. My Mum had spent ages bigging up the present I would get for this milestone 'double figure's birthday, and it turned out to be... A small chest of drawers 'for holding nice jewellery when you grow up'. I was a very polite child and suitably faux-grateful, but internally was (and still am) properly Hmm. What 10 year old wants furniture for their birthday?! Thankfully normal service of toys and books etc resumed on my 11th Grin. And I still have the drawers and they do now hold nice jewellery.

Bogeyface · 09/09/2016 23:59

His excuse, presents have to be useful and if you don't need it there is no point buying it

NO! Thats the absolute opposite of what presents should be. They should be a nice thing, a treat that you would like but cannot justify buying. If you need oven cleaner then you buy oven cleaner, so where is the gift? A pretty little coin purse that you wont use often but looks beautiful and makes you happy just to look at it, but you cannot justify spending money on (because you need to buy oven cleaner and a wooden spoon) is a wonderful gift. Thank you Aunty J, I love it :)

WellIGuessThisIsGrowingUp · 10/09/2016 00:16

Oh i have had lots of crap gifts!

Me and a friend were dating brothers. For Christmas they bought me "men are from Mars, women are from Venus". Cos obv i needed some relationship advice???!!

On our first Christmas together, DP got me a toolbox. The following year he got me a black puffa jacket. This is nothing i would ever choose myself! I'm pretty sure he was buying himself some cheap sports clothes and noticed it on offer. It was only about 5 years ago so i don't think they were in fashion then??!

MIL always buys very random presents. Last year she bought me a little gadget that creates different shapes from melons. So, you know, if you ever need a star shaped piece of melon, just pop over!

I know it is the thought that counts, but sometimes it is the lack of thought that makes me laugh!!

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 10/09/2016 00:27

I forgot to mention, in addition to all the crap presents, my DH once gave me a birthday card that said 'To my darling husband on his birthday'. Apparently he'd liked the picture but hadn't progressed to actually reading the accompanying words. I'm all for same sex marriage but hadn't realised I'd one day be in one - was it a subliminal msg do you think? To this day the DDs nearly wee themselves laughing when they remember that card.

Momer · 10/09/2016 01:26

A guy did that to me. We were disengaged a year later. He even manouvred m into getting a ruby when I wanted a different stone.

dibs1973 · 10/09/2016 02:13

Christmas last year nothing, didn't even help our 8 year old to buy me anything, despite me spending a tidy sum on him from me and dd.

He appeared later on christmas day with an homemade family button picture that he made in an hour or so as a peace offering! Tries that again and he will be seeking a new button family!

DooWhop · 10/09/2016 02:35

One year I received a hose pipe. I do love my garden but id been dropping huge hints about silver bangles.
Then another highlight was a safe. Apparently because dd constantly uses my make up etc and I complain about it. I'd actually been requesting a lock on my bedroom door for some time. It got returned.