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Original poster

... to start my own sh*t birthday present from DH thread?

496 replies

liz70 · 08/09/2016 10:58

...Seeing as there seem to be a few knocking around at the moment?

My birthday was on Tuesday. I spent most of it running around after other people - taking DD2 to an appointment, looking after DD3 in the evening while DH had a meet up (optional) after work. So by the time he comes in at 9pm I've been run ragged, getting DD3 fed, bathed, to bed, hanging washing, getting things ready for the next morning, preparing a meal for us etc.

So DH puts my birthday present on the table. A small bag of Thornton's chocolates. Unwrapped.

Now... I don't think I'm particularly materialistic. I try to keep costs down with shopping - groceries are pretty much all supermarket and value brand. I buy most of my and DD3's clothes from George, F & F and suchlike. I don't demand designer hand bags or diamond jewellery.

We're not super wealthy, but neither are we skint - no mortgage, and a comfortable amount of savings.

It seemed to have fuck all thought put into it, and he couldn't even be arsed to wrap it. Sad I did ask if he'd also brought a bunch of flowers from a petrol station, to complete the whole "will this do?" vibe, but no.

I just feel so fucking undervalued and unappreciated right now.Sad

I think I'll just tell him that from now on, don't fucking bother getting me anything for birthdays. I'd rather buy something myself.

OP posts:
StrandedStarfish · 09/09/2016 17:55

Current husband bought me a steam generator iron for a birthday, then bought the matching ironing board the following Mother's Day.

MrJones1977 · 09/09/2016 17:58

Holy crap. I am totally non fussed regarding birthdays, I would avoid all if I could but I now feel good that I would never stoop as low as a bag of chocolates.

FurryDogMother · 09/09/2016 17:59

It was my 50th birthday - that birthday when you're feeling a bit vulnerable and it would be lovely to made to feel special and loved? My DH got me a bottle of vodka. That was it. I drowned my sorrows.

trafalgargal · 09/09/2016 18:00

My ex used to buy presents with such bad grace and tell me how much of an effort it was to get to the shops that I really wished he hadn't bothered.

Traded him in for a much nicer model now though :)

Tonkatol · 09/09/2016 18:04

liz70 - would it make you feel better if I told you that my birthday is tomorrow and, so far I have a new laptop, a new wedding ring as my current one is too small but want to lose weight so don't want it adjusted but feel bare without it, a pair of gold stud earrings and a mystery present? On Sunday we are going out for a meal and on Thursday we are going to see Phantom of the Opera as we are in London for a hospital appointment.

Last year, my husband was 50 and, even more than on a normal year, I pulled out all the stops - surprise family meal with my daughter who he thought was at uni, presents, including a trip to Normandy to see the War sites, and a BBQ for friends. His birthday is May and we have 4 DC whose birthdays are all between July 22 and August 22. So, after I have organised everyone else's birthday alone as my husband doesn't tend to get involved, I hope for a little spoiling on my birthday.

Last year we agreed that, with school, work etc, I would open my cards and presents in the evening. Nothing had been mentioned about a meal but I knew my brother was coming over. 4pm I decided I best go out and buy something for everyone. Whilst I was shopping DH called and asked if I wanted to go out to eat, if I wanted a take-away or if I wanted him to cook. As I was already perusing M&S Dine in for £10 and DH doesn't get in until gone 6pm, I suggested I pick up tea and then he could cook it. When he gets in, I open the various presents and cards from friends, my brother and my DC. The card i received from DH was last and was obviously from the local garage. DH goes and cooks tea.- no present. I ask my son in my DH has bought me anything and he didn't know. After tea, we sit down and watch TV; by which time i'm beginning to get hacked off but am trying not to show it as, everytime I pass my husband, he asks if I had a good birthday. i manage to brush it off and ignore him, especially as i can tell he is feeling amorous. He goes to bed and I told him i would follow. I left it about 20 minutes and go up but husband is still awake. He asks me again if I have had a good birthday - I literally blow a gasket and lose the plot, telling him exactly how I felt.

This year, I have bought all the above-mentioned presents with my daugter - I'm determined I'm going to have a good birthday whether he remembers or not!

hazel1910 · 09/09/2016 18:04

When my ex used to buy me birthday presents, it was always from a bonus he saved from a catalogue he had. They were always something I would never want/use. Back in the day back, he bought me a portable CD player (I didn't have any CD's back then) so I could go for a walk and listen to music whilst he went to play golf for the afternoon (yes he actually said that!!!). I never used it and it stayed in the box.

I know I should have been grateful but the sense of disappointment getting up on the day of my birthday to open a naff present was soul destroying. Even worse when it came to Christmas and I'd spent weeks looking for the right presents for him to unwrap on the big day, only to find nothing under the tree for me...fudging great!!!

liz70 I know exactly how you feel. Get yourself out to the shops and go buy yourself something to make you feel good and do it without remorse.

Lancelottie · 09/09/2016 18:08

I'll add my parents' present of a secondhand book for my last birthday (one of them there birthday with a zero on the end, at that):

'None of us liked this at book group, so I thought you could have it.'

Xenadog · 09/09/2016 18:08

OP do NOT buy Him anything for his birthday or Christmas this coming year. I'd also get hold of his credit card and splash out. If no credit card use the joint account and if no joint account sell some of his shit on eBay and then spend the money on yourself. He sounds like a selfish shit.

Oh I'd deliberately wash clothes he values with something where the colour is definitely going to run. But then I'm a bitch like that.

piggypoo · 09/09/2016 18:09

I bought my husband an expensive guitar amplifier for his birthday, he'd been dropping hints the size of house-bricks, for my birthday, I got a wooden sword, God only knows what he was thinking, he's massively into re-enactment, which I don't share or have any interest in whatsoever. I think a lot of men just don't "get" the present-buying thing, I was so hurt, but I know the loves me, when I asked him why he did not get the dress I wanted he said, "I didn't want you to feel like I objectify you"!. :)

toldmywrath · 09/09/2016 18:10

My DH presented me with some cash (about £120) & an estimate to get the rust treated on our car. I thought the estimate was an insurance quote because he'd had an accident! We were very hard up & despite my shock/horror/sadness at this 'gift' we actually went ahead & had the rust treated. (He'd been saving a small amount each week & had asked my dmum to look after it- I was dumbstruck)

I still can't believe that a. he thought this was a good idea for a gift & b.I actually had the work done . Sadand c. we're still married 30 odd years later.

PurpleElsa · 09/09/2016 18:11

My DH once bought me the Thundercats box set, coz, you know, I mentioned I watched it once when I was little. At least he was listening I suppose!

Caelaj07 · 09/09/2016 18:13

Don't worry, it's a man thing. My husband bought me nothing, wrote me a card on some spare paper but promised he would cook tea for a change. It took him 4 weeks to get round to making my tea and it was beans on toast 😡

nippysweetie82 · 09/09/2016 18:14

Maybe you should all think yourselves lucky that you get anything! I spent 12 years with an arsehole who ignored my every birthday, xmas, valentines day etc. Apparently adults shouldn't expect gifts. I didn't even get a 'happy birthday' from him. I'm obviously a mug for putting up with it.

Original poster
liz70 · 09/09/2016 18:17

"sell some of his shit on eBay"

I'm thinking of leaving his precious fucking vinyl out for the bin men.

OP posts:
Fleabee603 · 09/09/2016 18:18

My ex got me one of those weird neck support pillows you get in garages for our fifth anniversary..... I got him a watch, hence Ex :)

Fleabee603 · 09/09/2016 18:19

Vinyl..... Does it shrink in the oven at high temps?! Cool coasters for you.... 😋

Delta1411 · 09/09/2016 18:21

My ex hinted on for some expensive presents and I spent about £250 on him (10 years ago) we both had decent full time jobs.

He bought me a hideous cheap handbag and the body lotion of the perfume I used. But I don't use body lotion. I'm pretty sure the body lotion was actually a knock off too. I was livid as he had really stressed how much he wanted the stuff I'd bought him and he spent max £15 on me. I then found out he was cheating on me, and picked him up from work to dump him. 😂😂😂

MaQueen · 09/09/2016 18:26

For my birthday, an ex bought me a 'Grow your own Bonsai Tree' kit.

No idea why? I don't like Bonsai trees, and dislike gardening in any form.

But, I dutifully followed the instructions and carefully tended it. After 5 days, a bit of (what looked like) cress appeared. 2 days later it shrivelled up, dead.

And, that was the end of my Bonsai tree.

For my next birthday, he bought me a gold necklace...looked good. Except, it was a cheap as chips one, from Elizabeth Duke, at Argos. It gave me a rash on my neck.

For my next Xmas present (yes, I was still foolishly with him) he gave me a jumper. Okay. Except it was cream with orange stripes. And knitted from thick, nylon yarn.

Nice...even nicer, he'd left the price tag on £1.6s...yes, it was in old money. Had clearly been bought by his Mum, prior to decimalisation, kept... and thence given to me in 1988, FFS.

Out of hopelessly misguided love and loyalty (and I was only 17), I tried to wear the circa 1968 sweater, but it caused so much static that it could have powered a small shopping centre.

For my 18th birthday (why, why was I still with him???) he paid for my half of our 2 week holiday to Corfu...but, when we arrived told me I was responsible for buying all our food and drink, for the 2 weeks! Just to point out, I was at 6th form and he worked full time...

...when I admitted I only had about £50 with me, he was furious. He then sulked for hours, before grudgingly agreeing to buy our food and drinks. But then spent our first night on holiday, in a bar, drawing up a strict repayment schedule for me Hmm

Finally, finally I came to my senses and ditched the twat.

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 09/09/2016 18:27

*I'll add my parents' present of a secondhand book for my last birthday (one of them there birthday with a zero on the end, at that):

'None of us liked this at book group, so I thought you could have*

Give it them back on one of their birthdays. "Didn't like, so I thought you could have it back".

mammamic · 09/09/2016 18:30

Astounding thread. Shocked (as in revelations) at what people accept.

OP - I'd have had his bags packed and waiting for him next day - he needs jolting into reality. Not helping the kids get presents for other half is one of my unforgivables. OH not being arsed is one thing but kids put high importance on celebrating three things. Don't have to buy anything - help them make something, special drawing/ painting etc

Chocolatebiscuits92 · 09/09/2016 18:30

The first birthday I had after DD was born I received a girlfriend card signed by both OH and DD. I would still be peeved with a bag of chocolates as I hate filled chocolates

Ilovetorrentialrain · 09/09/2016 18:32

I had a thread about this but will put here too as I'm still quietly annoyed!

I was unwell with a bug in the days leading up to my birthday recently. The day before my birthday my partner said he had to go shopping. In my poorly (pathertic) state I said 'if it's for my birthday please don't, I'd rather you stayed with me, I feel awful'. So he did. He was fab with me and I was fine in a day or so. However he just simply never got me a birthday gift or acknowledged my birthday in any way at all. It's not like him. I get the impression he was glad of the excuse not go go round the shops!

He's not hard up and is very generous otherwise, but it's the thought isn't it?

mostlyslowly · 09/09/2016 18:34

Wow. If ever I'm feeling like a bad hubby, I'm going to re read this. I love trying to find surprises, often experience types such as holistic health treatments, massages etc.

Original poster
liz70 · 09/09/2016 18:40

Maqueen you could probably sell that sweater for a three figure sum in some trendy boutique or market stall now. Vintage chic, innit.

OP posts:
alypoole · 09/09/2016 18:50

I'd be livid too! Tell him!