Aibu to feel like this about organ donation?

[frizzfactor]

So a little back story. My father died very suddenly in my late teens. When he was buried the idea of him not being 'complete' was totally abhorrent.

Up until his death, I had thought I would always donate all my organs, but now I'm horribly struggling with the idea. I will be 40 in a little while and live in an area where you actively have to opt out of doing so.

I totally get that my decrepit and abused organs could potentially save a life, but the thought of being harvested and disposed of by some means (don't even get me started on that one!) horrifies me. I would like to find peace with this so any help greatly appreciated. However I also want to know if anyone else feel this way or am I being totally unreasonable?!?

Ask yourself this. Should you require a transplant would you accept it or rather die without it? If you will accept it then become an organ donor.
Organ donation has changed my family's life and we are thankful everyday that some donated their organs.

You're quite entitled to feel how you like that's not at all U, but you would be U to let it stop you from donating. The thought of saving someone's life really should outweigh any 'creepiness' or feelings of not being whole. Especially if it was the life of a child/baby, they've had barely any chance to live yet so I'd be particularly delighted if a child got my parts.

Ask yourself this. Should you require a transplant would you accept it or rather die without it? If you will accept it then become an organ donor.
Organ donation has changed my family's life and we are thankful everyday that some donated their organs.

Frizz if that's your belief then it really doesn't matter does it? When you are dead, you are dead, you'll never know. If you want to do this, just do it and try not to focus on it. It won't matter when you are dead. Anyway, when you die they will do 'artificial' stuff to your body that will take it out of your control anyway (keeping it preserved, possible post mortum etc)

Also, the chances of you dying in a way that means someone could use your organs is really low. So you're worrying about something that is very unlikely to happen

My late partner has an organ transplant aged 20 yrs, I'd never have met him without it. Organ donation not only saves but changes lives. 20 years later and I'm still a part of his families life.

You don't have to do it, of course you don't, but it would be lovely if you could

I'm on the donor list, I've said they can have anything but my eyes and heart.

I feel like if there is an after life, I'd like my eyes so I can see and I want my heart because I feel like everybody I love is kept in there.
Silly I know but I feel 100% comfortable with them taking the rest if I can keep those two

I think yabu, yes. But I suppose if you'd refuse an organ if you or a dc needed it you're at least not a hypocrite.

YABU. Dead bodies are dead bodies and don't need internal organs.

No one has to be 100% comfortable with their organs being taken because you will be dead. Any feelings you have are irrational. It's completely abhorrent to me to bury a body complete of it's organs when one of them could help someone else tbh.

The bit I struggle with, as someone acknowledged up thread, is that for someone to receive a transplant and avoid dying, someone else has to die and their family go through grief and trauma. There will be a family in anguish either way.

But unfortunately that person will die anyway. It's not as if refusing a transplant will change that.

As for corneal transplants, I think of them essentially as a variant on contact lenses - it's just a bit of tissue that helps to focus the light in the right place.

My brother died suddenly last year and his organs went to six different people, including a ten year old girl and a few people in their thirties and forties. While his death was devastating for us, when I am feeling down I do get some solace from the thought of six families who have been given more time together. You have to be really rather ill to get a transplant and I do imagine those families fearing the worst and then getting the call and some hope. I also like to think that of course although they didn't know my brother, the donor will be in their thoughts, and that is comforting to me. My parents take huge comfort from 'his' organs 'living on' although I don't really think of it in that way.

Our family and my brother were treated with a huge amount of respect and kindness by the NHS staff and organ donation team, particularly the coordinator. Because they could use so many organs we were told the donations involved medical teams travelling hundreds of miles, motorbikes, fast cars and a helicopter. To be honest it was humbling to have a glimpse in to the amazing work of the organ donation process. It's hard to describe, but it feels like his death was given extra reverence by being part of something positive. At no point did it feel like my brother was being used or 'harvested'.

for those who have lost loved ones

In my work I have seen people receive the gift of life. Young and older with families, jobs, kids and they walked out of hospital back to those lives. I've seen people live to see their first grandchild born, to see their kids grow up, to return to society and their jobs and "normal life". These people would have died without an organ donor and their brave selfless families. Just last week a lady asked me to film her walking and talking because her grandchildren wouldn't believe she was no longer stuck in a wheelchair like she has been all of their young lives. She plans to take them on holiday and pick them up from school. I've also seen many people die whilst waiting for a transplant, it is heartbreaking that there aren't enough organ donors and these people lose their fight. I've also seen the gratitude these recipients feel towards their donor, it is huge.

If people could see in the flesh the difference organ donation can make, you'd struggle to find anyone opting out.
Condolences to all those who've lost loved ones and thank you to those who've consented to organ donation.

marmighty what a lovely post

When I'm dead and gone I like to think I'll live on in my children and actual body should be used rather than just decomposing away.

My Mum vehemently disagrees but as I pointed out to her my DH is my next of kin and I've opted in for organ donation. Good luck to my DH if the worst happens, she will not be happy and it does upset me that this could/would potentially add to her grief. Although as I pointed out she brought me up to be independent and walk my own path so she only has herself to blame

I have a bit of a unique perspective on this...

I donated a kidney to my sister. She has 3 now, I have 1! I can confirm I'm still a whole person . It never even occurred to me to refuse to give up a kidney on ethical grounds or because I would no longer be "whole".. I guess it depends how you see the connection between body and soul.

Having a bit missing from my body hasn't changed who I am in life, so I doubt it would change who I am after death either. I'd hope my family would know me well enough to know I'd want something good to come from my death, and having seen what my sister went through on dialysis I fully support an "opt out" system. If I hadn't given her a kidney she'd have been so far down the waiting list she'd have probably still been on dialysis now, or dead. It's no way to live. I also watched a dear friend's partner go through 2 liver transplants. He's only 26. He suffers from a disorder that attacks his liver and will need another transplant in about 10 years time.

Trust me, those people who are questioning whether they'd accept an organ or not: You will take one if the time comes. You will not sit in a doctors office, yellow from jaundice or swollen with kidney failure and say "Hmm, I'm not sure about organ transplants.. I think I'll take my chances without one, thanks.. it's all just a bit weird for me!". If you're in that chair next to your child or your loved one who is dying in the bed next to you, you won't even think twice. You won't even consider the ethical implications of transplants, you'll just be trying not to die or to lose the person you love just like the rest of us.

It's so easy to say "I don't agree with organ donation" when you're standing in a healthy persons shoes, but I whole heatedly agree that if you would accept an organ for yourself or a loved one (which you would, it's not even a question) then you should be willing to donate your own organs to others.

When they finally put me in the ground after a (hopefully!) long and happy life, it will be my inside self that people will miss and think about, not my body or my organs so I would never begrudge my lovely sister for taking a piece of me, and when I'm gone I hope the rest of me is taken for whoever needs it too. I hope the rest of my organs give someone else the chance to live long and happy, and I'd hope my loved ones would find comfort in that :)

Sorry haven't had time to read all the comments. My mum was lucky enough to be donated a kidney after someone died (my brother and I were teens at the time and she wouldn't let us be tested to see if we'd match) What an amazing gift it was and I will be forever grateful to the person and their family.

I would give mine in a heartbeat.

That being said it's a personal choice. If you feel uncomfortable with it then opt out. I don't think you need to feel guilty about it. Your body, your choice

There may TMI for some on this post, so look away now.

You're not unreasonable to feel how you feel, OP; it's what you do that matters.

When my DH had a stroke a couple of months ago, with no hope of recovery, I made the decision to donate his organs (only later finding his donor card in his wallet). It's true that the family get longer with the donor, a bit like suddenly being upgraded to business class, as the donor is kept in tip-top condition while the whole shebang gets organised.

I can identify with your feelings of horror. I felt he was being gutted, and still can't put out of my mind the feel of the dressings under his shirt that concealed the massive incision they have to do, and saw the stitches, but only because I chose to look.

I still think it was the right thing to do, would make the same decision for my child, and expect it to be taken for me.

It's bizarre because I had the same view as you, that I came into this world with all my bits I'll leave that way. What changed my mind on it all was blood donation! I was always one of them I'll donate blood , but never got round to it. I got very ill, and needed a blood transfusion. When recovering it hit me, if everyone had of had my attitude of " oh I'll get round to donating one day" I wouldn't have been here. I wouldn't of gone on to get married or have a child or watch my child grow. That circumstance changed my whole view. I unfortunately can't donate blood now as ive had a transfusion but I can opt into being an organ donator once ive passed.
It truly is the little things that put things into perspective.

Age I hope and pray you find a donor love

They can have whatever is of use from me, I find the whole 'after death' debacle pointless tbh, and only serves the living left behind.

A cardboard box or a nice hot fire will do for disposing of my shell.

And a party, with bourbon.

www.lep.co.uk/news/organ-donation-i-thought-i-had-flu-but-i-needed-a-new-heart-1-8110468

Judy rationally, I know that...but it grates sometimes when on the local news there is a section on a patient awaiting a transplant and their families speak about their wait. I sit there and think , but someone else will have to die for your loved one to survive, and as the poster said up thread, she finds that difficult to process.

I think there are a myriad of reasons to donate, and not to donate, and the OP evidently struggles with this, as do I. I think she's brave opening the discussion on here.

Thank you for the kind words, my aim is to be back on here at some point thanking my donor family for their precious gift.

And also to take part in the Transplant Games one year! It's amazing to see so many take part and realise that they are alive because of donation.

The thing is though, the donor dies anyway. You're not going out with a hacksaw harvesting organs from the living (unless you're my sister, of course )

You're not causing the death of the donor, just becoming the positive part of a tragedy. You're not even hoping for someone to die, all your hoping for is that somewhere there's a family brave enough to opt for donation. People die, that's horrible fact of life so the fact someone has to die for you to get an organ is a moot point, it's the opting for donation you're hoping for not the death.

The thing is though, the donor dies anyway. You're not going out with a hacksaw harvesting organs from the living (unless you're my sister, of course )

You're not causing the death of the donor, just becoming the positive part of a tragedy. You're not even hoping for someone to die, all your hoping for is that somewhere there's a family brave enough to opt for donation. People die, that's horrible fact of life so the fact someone has to die for you to get an organ is a moot point, it's the opting for donation you're hoping for not the death.

I think it's lovely that you want persuading iyswim.

I'm a donor and if heaven forbid anything happened too one of my daughters id donate theirs too. DD1 is 10 and in agreement.

I have no experience with the donor system but I lost my son and I wouldn't want another parent too go through what I did if something could be done.

It's just a shell to be discarded. We have no personal use for it, but as a gift it becomes beyond value to someone else.

^^ This should be the slogan on all transplant posters.

Pluto I have no issues strangely, with live donation, as one hopes in the UK at least, it is done with free and informed consent. I would gladly donate a kidney or a piece of my liver (fatty though it is) to any one of my family. My blood is of no use to anyone though.

I also struggle with the ethics (if I can call it that) of donation. Is everything done that could be done to keep the potential donor alive so they recover, or if their chances are dodgy, is the effort not made as there is a potential chance of organs here? I am not casting animadversions at the medical profession ...it is just something I have wondered about over the years.

On a lighter note, I just saw this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/2727291-amazed-by-what-i-saw-at-work?pg=2 on chat, so there may be light at the end of the tunnel for those on a waiting list, if we can print organs.