To break 3 cups in anger?

[insideoutcake]

Today my two youngest have pushed me over the edge. The eldest went back to school yesterday and the
Middle returns Thursday. It's been a long hard summer keeping calm and following best parenting advice but this morning I truly blew up. After the middle one refused to stay on the time out step I screamed and threw 3 cups from the holder onto the floor. No kids were harmed physically but they all look a bit sheepish now and obviously think I'm a psycho. They're probably right.

My very gentle father once threw a glass at the wall. I have no idea why (I think he was arguing with my mother). It had nothing to do with my behaviour. But it was terrifying to me. I was 7 or 8 at the time, and I remember it vividly, remember the feeling of fear, incomprehension, helplessness. That was truly a one-off. It happened decades ago. I wouldn't say it had an enduring impact on my relationship with my father. But I have never forgotten it.

If the OP is still reading, I would say that talking through the incident with your children would be the way forward. Offer a sincere apology. Under no circumstances should you lay any blame on the children, the non-apology of the "I wouldn't have done that if you had behaved better" sort. It should be a real apology, taking full responsibility for your actions. Tell them you understand how frightening it must have been for them, encourage them to express how it made them felt. And tell them it won't happen again.

I hope the rest of the day goes better for you, OP.

I once threw a chair down the stairs from the dining room down to the sitting room.

The kids had gone up to their rooms.

It was the strangest thing as if I was watching myself & really couldn't stop.

Never felt such anger before or since-then realised I was menopausal-scary.

Hope you have apologised Op & assured the kids tha it won't happen again.

For those of you taking issue at me posting tea and cake emojis, I interpreted a well-intentioned person at the end of their tether who knocked the cup rack on the floor.

I don't condone violent or aggressive behaviour but I know how it feels to be at the end of your tether and really struggling with no outlet and no-one to talk to. I interpreted someone who needed support and the good advice on this thread has been brilliant.

If this was IRL and I saw it happen, I'd send kids to play in the other room with reassurance and give OP a hug before offering advice so she know she's in a supportive place to get help.

Well done, Mumsnet

What's the sad face for? Because not everyone posted a string of emojis like you did?

Mitzy, give over. Nowt wrong with a string of emojis. It takes all sorts to make a Mumsnet. Sad face clearly just for a well-meaning post to the OP being vilified on a site where being well-meaning is pretty much the only criteria for replying!

It does take all sorts. Those who feel sorry for the OP, those who feel a bit sorry for the OP but more sorry for the kids, and those who feel little to no pity for the OP. So there's no need for sadfaces that not everyone is in agreement!

There's disagreeing and there's completely ridiculing someone's input. But at the end of the day it's only a sad face, jeez, it's hardly the lament of the century. Anyway, moving on...

Many posters are saying that this was a one-off but the op doesn't really say that this is the only time she's lost it, although it does sound like perhaps this was worse than any previous times. She probably won't be back on the thread, but she doesn't sound like someone who is enjoying and / or coping with her kids. 'A long hard summer keeping calm'. I feel sorry for her and them that their holidays have felt like that.

Anyway, moving on...

Please do!

Please do!

Gosh, aren't you lovely!

I have a temper. When I feel out of control it is scary for me.

As a result, I sought to develop coping strategies as early as I could. My DCs know that if I say I need to step away, I need to step away. I usually go for a walk (just around the house if there is no one to keep an eye on the youngest), or go chop wood for the fire. I also put myself in time out.

I have taught the children since they were old enough to understand language that losing your temper with someone is not acceptable, and other ways of managing anger need to be found. DD goes to her room and plays out her feelings, DS goes for a bike ride, listens to music or draws, DH goes out and works in the garage.

It is normal to get frustrated with your family. My DD is 11 but has the cognitive age of about 4 (she is cognitively and physically disabled). I can assure you that she can be very frustrating from time to time (and here, we have 10 weeks for summer hols - talk about wearing on patience) but that NEVER makes physical violence and threatening behaviour acceptable.

What the OP did was unacceptable, end of. It was violent and abusive, and trying to minimise it by blaming it on a monthly cycle or saying the children "looked sheepish" further cements her lack of control and remorse. The only reason the children would have looked sheepish and not terrified would be if this is a regular occurrence and they have become desensitised.

It would be prudent for the OP to find support immediately, before SS does it on her behalf.

Yes I am quite nice. Thanks for noticing!

Mitzylefrouf - it is possible to disagree without villifying the OP. Given your posts, that's clearly not an approach you value.

Carrados I don't think the OP hasn't been villified, you just don't agree with some people's posts. Hence your passive aggressive 'well done Mumsnet' post.

don't think the OP has been vilified.

Ha, aren't typos a bitch when you're trying to be one!

I'm not being a bitch. What a weird thing to say. Oh, are you one of those people who calls everyone who disagrees with you a bitch?

Sad.

Okay maybe 'petulant' is better.

I'm not condoning op's behaviour. If you get pushed to the brink by children, remove yourself from the situation and have a time out. Children learn how to express themselves from watching and mimicing their parents and people around them. Mark today up as a bad day and don't let it happen again, if it happens again, seek professional help for anger management.

Guys, I agree that OP is being VU, but I think she called someone an Idiot because that's their screen name. :D

Fuck me some of you are pretty darn perfect. We all have our breaking point. Hope all is well now OP

And seriously it's not going to damage the dcs as a one off, if it's happening daily then yes that's an extremely awful environment for the dcs but once, not so much.