To break 3 cups in anger?

[insideoutcake]

Today my two youngest have pushed me over the edge. The eldest went back to school yesterday and the
Middle returns Thursday. It's been a long hard summer keeping calm and following best parenting advice but this morning I truly blew up. After the middle one refused to stay on the time out step I screamed and threw 3 cups from the holder onto the floor. No kids were harmed physically but they all look a bit sheepish now and obviously think I'm a psycho. They're probably right.

I can imagine getting mad and throwing something in a temper, but smashing 3 cups in a row Jesus, that's not good OP. Do you have any help with the kids?

Elsa I was clear to say "once" in my post. I am very sorry you experienced such abuse.

Please let's not minimise the effects of years of abuse by including the (hopefully, but not clear in the OP) ONE OFF loss of temper.

I really don't think a single incident of a man breaking a cup in anger warrants fleeing to a Women's Refuge. There would have to be additional factors.

nina it always starts somewhere. Next time op will have to do something more dramatic to have more of an impact on the kids and so it escalates.

She needs to seek help, not have her actions validated because at this point it's a one off..... until the next time.

It was once people FGS!

Why every one is linking this to their consistently abusing Dh or DP I don't know

op if your still on the thread - next time go to a Greek restaurant and do it as no one will bat an eyelid!

Everyone's consistently abusing DH or DP started somewhere with 'just once'.

The thing is, smashing things is rarely ever the first step. Most people don't go from calm to smashing things in the first argument/problem they come up against.

For a lot of people (me included), the first incident of smashing things was was a massive reality check. If he was capable of smashing a lamp in temper, he's capable of smashing my face up next time. I wasn't going to take that risk.

Jesus if it was a one off in sure they are all over it by now.

It was a one if when my dad started throwing plates. We were most certainly not "over it" straight away. It was terrifying to see someone acting like that.

YABU. Lucky they're your natural kids. I'm a foster and step-parent and my kids would be taken away from me if I did that.

You need to walk away when you're angry, count to ten, then return to the situation. Kids will still be safe if you need to pop to the garden for a bit. Pulling stuff like this not only makes you feel horrible it teaches your kids that throwing tantrums is okay, and that you can get what you want using violence. It's not a huge step between throwing a cup at the floor and at a person, not for a child.

If the OP was asking for help then the thread would have gone very differently. What she wants is for people to tell her it's fine.

Are you over it now purple? Does it still effect your day to day living now? Is it something to think about and it gives you anxiety?

It doesn't need to be compared to domestic abuse from a husband. That just takes it completely off track. However if a child told me that mum had lost it and smashed 3 cups I wouldn't hesitate to report that to our safeguarding lead. It's not acceptable and sweeping it away with "must be my period" or telling the OP it's ok because it's a one off is doing a massive disservice to the children.
OP doesn't really seem to think this is a big deal and that is more worrying than the incident occurring in the first place.

I know it's only happened once, but the OP needs to learn how to control her temper in future to ensure it is a one and only event. Do I think as an isolated incident that she apologises for it will leave her children traumatised? No, not really. But if it's an ongoing thing, if something similar happens again, then yes, she runs the real risk of traumatising them and damaging her relationship with them.

Yes, but it took weeks for my sisters and me to agree to stay with dad again. I don't appreciate the sarcastic tone nina.

SS would not take this woman's kids because she smashed a few cups ONCE

I'm off - enjoy your pearl clutching !

Sometimes a physical release helps. I go into the garden and stamp my feet a few times on the patio. I also swear in time with my stamps. Obviously it would be best if your kids weren't watching.

I do sympathise, op. And although it doesn't make it ok, severe PMT can reduce you to this.
I once got so worked up and angry (not with the dc) that I went outside and smashed a grapefruit on the patio so hard it was pulped. (Unwitnessed, unless the ndn saw me ). Felt awful afterwards, at losing it to that extent, but at least the only upset person was me.

I can understand getting to such a pitch that you feel like doing stuff like this, but if it happens again, make sure its never in front of the children, and preferably use fruit. Outside. Much easier to clear up. Smashing china is dangerous.

And the OP didn't actually mention PMT until another poster gave her an 'out'

Are you over it now purple? Does it still effect your day to day living now? Is it something to think about and it gives you anxiety?

What a vile response.

Nina I'm sure your wine comment is a joke?

Surely you wouldn't recommend alcohol as a coping mechanism or think adding it to a hostile environment would help in anyway?

SS would not take this woman's kids because she smashed a few cups ONCE

Nobody has said they would

But if the kids mentioned it at school, teachers would have a duty to report to social services. That doesn't mean the kids would be taken away or anything, though, just that the OP might be given the help and support she needs.

Not necessarily a bad thing, actually.

What a vile response.
And grammatically incorrect as well.

Like I said if she had said she wanted support she would have got it but she asked AIBU and put the angry face in her post. And when someone tried to engage she got defensive.

Wow. I suffered quite a lot of violent abuse at the hands of a parent who would do things like this. I think it's absolute rubbish to say that just because some people go from smashing plates to hitting violently, everyone will. That's simply not true.

Of course it's unreasonable to lose your temper, but we are all human and we all fail sometimes. Provided that it's genuinely not part of a pattern of emotionally labile behaviour (in which case you'd have no crockery left) but just a really, really bad day, then I honestly think it's nothing that can't be solved with a hug and an apology. I would also point out that someone who sulks with children or cries is every bit as bad as someone who smashes.

I am at all these Mumsnet parents who are always 100% emotionally calm in front of their kids. I've never actually seen a parent in real life who was like that when tried to the end of their endurance. Most parents I know do a damn good job, but they sometimes make mistakes.