Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break 3 cups in anger?

191 replies

insideoutcake · 06/09/2016 11:00

Today my two youngest have pushed me over the edge. The eldest went back to school yesterday and the
Middle returns Thursday. It's been a long hard summer keeping calm and following best parenting advice but this morning I truly blew up. After the middle one refused to stay on the time out step I screamed and threw 3 cups from the holder onto the floor. No kids were harmed physically but they all look a bit sheepish now and obviously think I'm a psycho. They're probably right. Angry

OP posts:
SaucyJack · 06/09/2016 11:17

My mum used to do stuff like that (and worse) too.

Unfortunately for her all it used to do was make her look like a stupid mental caricature. Ultimately, me and my brother just ended up sniggering at her, and winding her up even further. Losing your shit is the worst thing you can do to inspire respect in your children.

But what's done is done. Clear it up, apologise, and don't do it again.

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/09/2016 11:17

If she'd posted saying her husband screamed at her kids and smashed mugs on the floor, people would be telling her to kick him out or leave him because he's abusive.

Why is it different when a woman does it?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/09/2016 11:18

i think people would have had more sympathy if she hadn't been so quick to excuse it with period being due and she hadn't got snotty with a PP. And instead of sounding sorry she sounded angry still.

There are plenty of strategies for this kind of situation - it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realise that breaking shit like that isn't a good one.

WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 11:18

It is no different when a woman does it. Appalling.
You need to at the very least calm down, apologise to your children for your behaviour and explain to them it is never okay to act like that, as a child or as an adult.

timeforabrewnow · 06/09/2016 11:19

Yes, it's not nice for DC to see but if she doesn't normally do it and is struggling, let's be supportive.

Just that really. The OP was angry at herself too and no, it wasn't ideal behaviour, but support is needed here,

Soubriquet · 06/09/2016 11:19

Yabu..but you do sound incredibly frustrated

Kids have a way of bringing out the anger we didn't even know we had.

But I do think you need to work to control that anger. Go outside and scream to the sky if that's what it takes.

Smashing things infront of your children is never ok

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/09/2016 11:20

Again, if a man does it as a one off, is that okay then? Plenty of people post on here that their DP loses it with them or the DC and it's usually a unanimous LTB. But presumably it's fine to lose it when you are due on? Cool.

Cocklodger · 06/09/2016 11:20

My father did this.
We dont speak anymore.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/09/2016 11:21

I don't think she wants actual support I think she wants to be told that what she did was totally fine.

Boogers · 06/09/2016 11:22

Oh my love. Poor you and your poor DCs. It's been a very long summer and you've obviously tipped over the edge.

I've thrown cushions, slammed doors, shouted unreasonably and locked myself in the toilet to cry and just get away from it all, all in temper and all over the last 6 weeks. Throwing crockery isn't the best thing to do, but you already know this.

What are your two youngest up to now? How old are they?

For what it's worth, I remember my mum throwing a full cup of coffee at the fireplace when I was about 9, as well as hearing similar sounds after I'd gone to bed. This was when my parents were splitting up. Mum also threw her purse at me and it split open and spilled all the loose coins over the kitchen around this time. I think I'd asked for something that she couldn't afford as a single parent with a deadbeat shit heap ex, and me asking her at that time just tipped her over the edge. Not my fault, not her fault, just something that happened that I remember, but looking back on as an adult with children of my own I understand why it happened, if that makes any sense?

Has something happened over the last few days that has made you feel particularly on edge or upset?

Houseconfusion · 06/09/2016 11:22

This is not right. I grew up watching my mother bash things. I will never forget a single episode.

A few months ago a woman reported a one off incident here of her husband slamming the door in rage when sleep deprived. She was told in no uncertain terms that this is violent and abusive behaviour from the man.

Parenting is horrendously tough. But having been a child who watched a parent crash and smash things in rage please note that these things aren't to be taken lightly and you need to find alternative ways of dealing with anger.

HermioneJeanGranger · 06/09/2016 11:22

People are saying it's different though.

They're saying she's frustrated and angry and deserves support. If her husband had been the one smashing stuff up, people would be saying to kick him out/leave him for being violent and abusive.

He wouldn't get support or understanding. I agree with Livia.

PurpleDaisies · 06/09/2016 11:23

Yes, it's not nice for DC to see but if she doesn't normally do it and is struggling, let's be supportive.

In my personal experience it was much more than "not nice to see". It almost killed the relationship between me and my my dad. My sisters and I refused to stay with him for months after it happened.

Afreshstartplease · 06/09/2016 11:24

Yabu

Your poor DC

DC can push your buttons. You need to learn to deal with this in a more appropriate way.

How would you react if they behaved like that?

BitOutOfPractice · 06/09/2016 11:24

Obviously YABU. The kids must've been scared.

The tone of your OP and glib excuse also indcate to me that you're not sorry about it either. Did you expect us to all pat you on the back and say "there there we've all been there"?

No good at all

squoosh · 06/09/2016 11:25

I think that's pretty extreme. Three cups in succession? That's quite a temper.

Sallystyle · 06/09/2016 11:25

YABU

That shit is scary for kids and you don't seem to think it matters much.

I have lost my temper before around my children, humans do that sometimes but breaking things on purpose around them is a step too far.

FV45 · 06/09/2016 11:26

Well of course YABU, but you know that.
You say you were pushed over the edge so you already know this was extreme behaviour. You are human, you make mistakes, your children were not harmed in a way that cannot be rectified.

You just need to realise that this temper inside you exists and find ways to deal with it so that if you feel it bubbling up again then you can do something else to release the pressure.

Did you sit the children down and admit you were wrong and that they must have been scared?

And really...you'd all leave your partners if they lost their tempers and broke something...once? Wow....what blissfully calm lives you all must lead.

Arfarfanarf · 06/09/2016 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Houseconfusion · 06/09/2016 11:27

Mum also threw her purse at me and it split open and spilled all the loose coins over the kitchen around this time. I think I'd asked for something that she couldn't afford as a single parent with a deadbeat shit heap ex, and me asking her at that time just tipped her over the edge. Not my fault, not her fault

If you think this was acceptable understandable and impact-free behaviour towards a child (which you seem to indicate), then you are delusional.

KimKsButt · 06/09/2016 11:28

Op do you remember the NSPCC advert a few years ago with the drill sergant shouting in the mums face, demanding stuff etc? Then when the mum loses the plot you see the toddler standing there? Well they made that advert that way because alot of parents feel this way. You arent the only one. Yes you reacted in a way that you shouldnt have, but you know this. My best advice is talk to the children, say sorry and explain that this was wrong behaviour. Then have a really honest think, is it a one off? Has it made you realise you need help? If you need help theres no shame in it. Talk to friend, realtive, GP. Just dont suffer in silence.
If youve come on here to vent then probably wont do you any good reading some of these replies, bit if you want some help why not ask for the post to be moved to where you'll get some support. 💐

Boogers · 06/09/2016 11:28

I think the OP has got it. Not a good thing to do.

Let's try and offer some support to prevent it happening again.

FFS.

AnyTheWiser · 06/09/2016 11:28

How old are they? Could you go and see the HV, or GP? I'm sorry but this isn't a usual reaction.
I am a fairly shouty parent, but my children would be beyond scared and freaked out if I started throwing or smashing things.
Please speak to someone who can support in rl (friends, family whomever) or can help with health. If you're having hormonal rages, that needs to be investigated and helped medically.
Take care.

BlackeyedSusan · 06/09/2016 11:29

not fine no.

tips. do not have children that age. do have an asd kid that makes me want to throw things. (he is the one doing the throwing usually.)

try and manage the pmt, see the gp/pharmacist for advice.

try and develop an icebreaker for when things are getting to the murderous stage, (mine got trouble which was tickling/raspberries, this needs to be updated for older kids)

try to get the kids to respect when you (or they) are getting het up. try to have an everyone goes to their room, or mum is going down the bottom of the garden and no-one is to interupt for half an hour, or find the sanction that they care about and they will lose if they do not go and calm down in their rooms etc.

I am dreading teenage years.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 06/09/2016 11:29

And what happens next time they push your buttons?

Have you done it before? If it's a regular thing then you need help and if it's the first time then I can imagine how terrified those poor children were.

Swipe left for the next trending thread