To not pay for guest accommodation

[WindInThePussyWillows]

Having a christening at our local church and a bit of a party afterward, approx 30 guests and 10 children.
We live in a relatively expensive town in the South where unfortunately hotels and b&bs are very busy so charge a fair bit per night.

A few uni friends who are coming have messaged me saying the hotels are more expensive than they had anticipated and would I be paying all/ a contribution towards their accommodation for the night.

They are live 2 hours away, no children. The christening starts at 11 and I imagine the after celebrations will end about 5.

After the cost of the party, cake..etc I just can't afford to pay towards their accommodation.

WIBU to say no?

I'd completely understand if they couldn't afford to come and aren't able to make it.

No way are you being reasonable , you'd not pay for them unless they're a major player ie God father or god mother even then it should not be up to you to pay, time to ditch the 'so called friends'

I'm shocked they would even ask.

Sorry that should have said no way are you being UNREASONABLE !

Cheeky friends tell them not to come if it's too much bother. Absolutely do not contrubute

THE FRIENDS AREN'T COMING

Also, a tent in the garden when OP has a houseful of guests is not a panacea, as there would still be three extra people to be fed, access bathrooms and presumably get dressed up for the big day inside the house.

It's a Christening, not a piss up. Tell them no, you won't be paying for their accommodation to enable them to visit friends.

No! Not your responsibility.

It's a Christening, not a piss up. Tell them no, you won't be paying for their accommodation to enable them to visit friends.

You're a bit late there.

Sorry OP. You sound lovely and your friends have behaved very badly. You've done well in staying strong in the face of pressure!

FWIW I would not travel 2 hours for a christening but I would just make up an excuse rather than muck you about like this.

Hope it all goes well!

That is some serious brass neck! Just send back lots of laughing emoticons and nothing else.

You'll probably find that there is a ringleader, acting as though they are acting on behalf of the others. Brass neck indeed.

WindInthepussyWillows, unlike you I'm distinctly old and decrepit and thus totally unable to work out how to do a wink + smile. Anyway, I'd just like to put forward a slightly different perspective...... These uni friends are wrong in their behaviour, but not because they're nasty people, but rather because they are naive. Whilst I'm not suggesting that you have to either tolerate their behaviour and or foot the bill for a night away I would (with the experience of being old and having been both the first among all my friends to have a child - as well as the last (4 kids, last one rather unexpected but glorious anyway....)) say that its a shame to loose friendships over what should be a loving and wonderful event. They are completely naive as to what parenthood means and as such probably don't need to be there. So what I'm suggesting is go ahead without them, have a gorgeous family and 'grown up' friends event, but afterwards suggest that your behaviour was "slightly" wrong and down to you being stressed and a parent etc. Whilst I doubt you will ever be close to the ring leader of these events it would allow you to remain friends with the others, who the moment they become parents will suddenly have their eyes opened as to what parenthood really means and why a christening is NOT an excuse for a booze filled weekend but rather a china tea cup and champagne flute celebration of new life. And would enable you to remain friends with your rather naive university friends who will discover one day what it means to be parent.

Hope you don't mind this suggestion, just that its far easier to brake friendships than it is to make them and I worry that in the long run you're punishing them for being naive rather than unkind. NOT that that is an excuse to spoil what is a one off event in your family, just that you don't HAVE to part way with your friends. Just don't invite them to such events until they have their own kids in the future!

Much love - decrepit old mum.

YANBU. It sounds like you are being asked to fund the stay after the get-together the day before. Cheeky swines.

I think I'd just say. 'Oh, I wish I could, but we just can't afford that. We thought we'd do the timings so people have plenty of time to get down in the morning and get back home afterwards. As its a Christening, it's not going to be a big boozy party afterwards. Would be lovely to see you, but appreciate it is the whole day, so understand if you can't make it. Maybe we could arrange a more adult orientated get together soon, once I've got more of a routine with the baby'. ?

Yes, very cheeky of them, I don't see it as naive at all, but really grasping.

I have an old friend from school who has always been tight - think choosing the most expensive thing on the menu but only when she knew we would split the bill down the middle. Last year she came to a large anniversary lunch party that we were giving in a restaurant and proceeded to get absolutely smashed over lunch as everything was free. Another friend asked if she was an alcoholic!

She came back to the house afterwards and drank two whole bottles of champagne, both of which were gifts that had been brought for us, opening them without so much as a "by your leave".
Since then she's contacted us trying to wangle a bed for the night on her way somewhere and we've simply said that it isn't convenient - why did I put up with her for so long? No point hanging onto friends if they are not good friends, however long you've known them.

Similar previous behaviour when she used to turn up every Friday night "as she was passing", bang on supper time when I had two children under four. I regret now that we fed her, every week.

THE FRIENDS AREN'T COMING

"I think I'd just say. 'Oh, I wish I could, but we just can't afford that. "

I prefer the phoebe classic "Oh, I wish I could, but I don't want to."

Sounds like they're trying it on tbh! My brother came from Belgium and we didn't offer. We certainly didn't pay for those travelling shorter distances. Your friends are capable of travelling that distance in a day, or finding somewhere cheap to stay on the route. I live in a very expensive area otherwise but there are loads of budget hotels and ridiculously cheap offers on route here I.e. £40 a night for Holiday Inn.

Happy days are here again
There's none so tight as OP's friends
So let's cancel that damn cheque once again
THEY ARE NOT COMING, MN!

I have never heard anything so ridiculous! Don't even think about paying!!

have now rtft

They're not 'naive', they're in their mid twenties not their teens. They're rude, freeloading chancers who obviously weren't in it for the Chrostening of they're now not attending at all. I think I'd be cooling right off on these losers OP.

To be fair they are also still all single with no responsibilities and may regress into uni mode when getting into chat mode with this group. I'd stick with immature rather than nasty.

If they only live 2h away they can drive. It's not like they'll be drinking at a christening. If they care they'll come x

Has the OP cancelled the cheque?

Shocked anybody asked this - wow!