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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for guest accommodation

201 replies

WindInThePussyWillows · 05/09/2016 17:08

Having a christening at our local church and a bit of a party afterward, approx 30 guests and 10 children.
We live in a relatively expensive town in the South where unfortunately hotels and b&bs are very busy so charge a fair bit per night.

A few uni friends who are coming have messaged me saying the hotels are more expensive than they had anticipated and would I be paying all/ a contribution towards their accommodation for the night.

They are live 2 hours away, no children. The christening starts at 11 and I imagine the after celebrations will end about 5.

After the cost of the party, cake..etc I just can't afford to pay towards their accommodation.

WIBU to say no?

I'd completely understand if they couldn't afford to come and aren't able to make it.

OP posts:
catbrushblanket · 06/09/2016 07:38

"That's a kind thought, however we have family staying to help. Looking forward to seeing you at 11 on Sunday X"

YouTheCat · 06/09/2016 07:39

Tell them you already have a house full of guests coming from further away. Don't try and squeeze them into your living room. They won't be a help. They'll get pissed catching up with mates and then be the house guests from hell.

OliviaStabler · 06/09/2016 07:41

Breezily reply and say 'Not possible I'm afraid, we already have a houseful' and leave it at that.

Arfarfanarf · 06/09/2016 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrymouse · 06/09/2016 07:59

They don't seem to understand what happens at christenings - lots of relatives, church, sandwiches, cake, children with sticky fingers, crying.

Do you think they have been to one before?

Just politely keep saying no.

If they don't want to come without the opportunity to party the night before, it doesn't sound as though church followed by family tea is really their thing.

merrymouse · 06/09/2016 08:00

I'm going to sound super rude here but they're going to hinder more than they'll help, it's already going to be a bit hectic.

That isn't super rude!

IceRoadDucker · 06/09/2016 08:03

Both catbrush and Olivia have good suggestions.

These aren't friends, by the way!

GlitteryFluff · 06/09/2016 08:05

I'd reply that you've already got family staying over to help (from 6+ hours away!) so no need for extra help and no space for them.
Maybe suggest another date in the future where they can come for a weekend to properly catch up with you and you'll have space for them then as won't have family? If they genuinely just wanted to see you properly that is.

dylsmimi · 06/09/2016 08:06

Please don't be guilt tripped into having them stay at your house. I offered for my sister and Bil to stay at ours the night before ds christening and bil was awful - I told everyone the plans for the Sunday morning - when I was serving breakfast, need the bathroom and the dining room (where they were staying) bil lay in bed till the last minute - my sister finally got him up and he took over the bathroom as I wanted to go in so I was in a rush for my own sons christening and had no photos of us all before. He is NEVER staying at our house again
Perhaps say that you will be busy with all the prep but would love them to come and you can arrange a 'catch up' weekend another time?

norabattyapparently · 06/09/2016 08:07

Cheeky bastards!!
I'd be retracting the invitation as well, that's shocking!!

Penfold007 · 06/09/2016 08:12

I bet these three aren't parents and have no concept of how busy parenting is. They think they can spend Saturday night boozing with you and the rock up to the church. You sent an excellent reply.

JacquettaWoodville · 06/09/2016 08:15

Absolutely not rude. They are the rude ones, asking for a contribution (they can't seem to make up their minds between it being too pricey and there being no rooms left!)

You have made it clear they don't need to stay and helpfully sent links if they do want to stay.

JacquettaWoodville · 06/09/2016 08:19

Be very clear in your reply that they cannot possibly stay as you have a houseful of family, including other kids. You do not want them boozing in your lounge until midnight then bumbling round hungover.

You don't have to say they'd be a hindrance! Just that you have a houseful of family/godparents and no space and the godparents will help with anything needed.

londonrach · 06/09/2016 08:21

Thats a first ive heard. No, no and no. Never heard anything like this before. Id be questioning my friendship and this is so off the rude scale. Its an invitation not a summons.

TheNaze73 · 06/09/2016 08:31

Their barefaced cheek, is incredible. Of course YANBU

HeCantBeSerious · 06/09/2016 08:58

Please don't be guilt tripped into having them stay at your house. I offered for my sister and Bil to stay at ours the night before ds christening and bil was awful - I told everyone the plans for the Sunday morning - when I was serving breakfast, need the bathroom and the dining room (where they were staying) bil lay in bed till the last minute - my sister finally got him up and he took over the bathroom as I wanted to go in so I was in a rush for my own sons christening and had no photos of us all before. He is NEVER staying at our house again

We had a naming for both children. For the first we put up DH's immediate family - 8 extra adults, 3 extra babies under 18 months. One brought their enormous dog (without thinking to mention it). It was sold to me as having lots of pairs of hands to help. Not one did. They expected food and drink to be supplied regularly, hogged bathrooms and disappeared whenever anything needed doing. I was still in my pyjamas when the buffet was delivered.

Needless to say when it came to DS's naming they were sent links to local hotels.

sonjadog · 06/09/2016 09:20

Answer: "Sorry, no room to stay at mine this weekend. We have a lot of family coming."

PGPsabitch · 06/09/2016 09:37

Wow these people have front don't they?

Have they always been chancers like this?

Tell them you have a houseful and end by saying 'look forward to seeing you on x'. Shows that the conversation is over.

ItWentInMyEye · 06/09/2016 09:45

Just... wow! Shock

purplefizz26 · 06/09/2016 09:49

Tell them you don't expect them to stay overnight if they can't afford it, and you certainly can't afford to pay for or contribute towards accommodation if they want to stay overnight.
Regarding staying at your house, just be honest and blunt. You have everything under control and already have a houseful so won't be able to have any more guests.
Simple.
It's a christening not a bloody holiday!

LemonBreeland · 06/09/2016 09:51

Wow bloody rude. They are really not accepting no. Tell them your house is full. You are being bloody polite considering their behaviour.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 06/09/2016 09:54

Are christenings the new weddings? In terms of batshit behaviour?

Eviecat83 · 06/09/2016 10:00

Yanbu some people just don't seem to be able to take no for an answer!

Original poster
WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 10:10

I'm getting worried as to their expectations of the day now. We want a relaxing day with family and friends to welcome the twins into our family church. We are not strict Christians in any sense but have a lot to do with our community and local church.

I appreciate they may not be church goers but I'm really hoping they won't be hungover and inappropriate on the day.

It's a family friendly event, not a boozey weekend by the sea Sad

OP posts:
80sWaistcoat · 06/09/2016 10:16

Hmmm....it sounds like they are looking forward to re-creating their university days. TBH if they stay elsewhere they probably won't make it up for 11 at the church so you won't have to worry about inappropriate behaviour!