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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for guest accommodation

201 replies

WindInThePussyWillows · 05/09/2016 17:08

Having a christening at our local church and a bit of a party afterward, approx 30 guests and 10 children.
We live in a relatively expensive town in the South where unfortunately hotels and b&bs are very busy so charge a fair bit per night.

A few uni friends who are coming have messaged me saying the hotels are more expensive than they had anticipated and would I be paying all/ a contribution towards their accommodation for the night.

They are live 2 hours away, no children. The christening starts at 11 and I imagine the after celebrations will end about 5.

After the cost of the party, cake..etc I just can't afford to pay towards their accommodation.

WIBU to say no?

I'd completely understand if they couldn't afford to come and aren't able to make it.

OP posts:
PGPsabitch · 06/09/2016 18:52

I think your reply was perfect op. They tried to play a guilt trip and you saw right through it. They don't sound like good friends to me.

merrymouse · 06/09/2016 18:57

They sound immature and inexperienced if they think extra people staying will be 'help'.

I'd guess that you have family and friends who are familiar with your children who are better able to help, and even then you may not need help so much as a free bathroom and space to move

Nobody needs to stay the night to travel 2 hours unless they want to drink, and if they can't survive a christening without a drink then they aren't really that bothered about going or they have alcohol problems.

Iflyaway · 06/09/2016 19:02

Cheeky fuckers.

I would be relegating these kind of friends to "acquaintance".

Sparkletastic · 06/09/2016 19:04

Tell them not to come and make some vague suggestion to plan for a get-together in the future. Then never contact them again.

RaspberryOverload · 06/09/2016 19:06

It seems to me they were looking for a party at your expense, OP.

riceuten · 06/09/2016 19:09

A polite no is probably all that is required

Sara107 · 06/09/2016 19:18

No, bizarre to ask you to pay. For our wedding and dD's christening we had a lot of people travelling (abroad and several hours drive away in this country). I helped people find places to stay, but absolutely no question of paying. We provided dinner the night before the christening for about 20 people, made sure the christening meal was a substantial one, and guests still staying over came back to ours afterwards and had their evening meal. But no paying for their accommodation, I would never expect that from somebody else either.

Ginslinger · 06/09/2016 19:21

I think I'd passively-aggressively explain what sort of 'special day' your children are having and lay some emphasis on the Baptism and religious element of the day.

Ginslinger · 06/09/2016 19:24

I am a very lapsed church goer but my experience of baptisms were that they were very much bring children into the Church and that was the first and foremost and the celebrating (which was plentiful) was based around the congregation and people who were involved. I am as old as the hills, however, and also had madly religious parents.

Toefluff12 · 06/09/2016 19:28

Cheeky buggers. I'd never consider asking such a thing. Tell them no chance will you be paying anything towards it. X

Gallievans · 06/09/2016 19:28

Well done for not being gult-tripped into it OP and I hope you aren't too upwt by their latest attitude (Flowers in case you are). One of DD"s godparents drove over two hours the morning of the christening (in rural N Wale in winter) even though they'd been offered to stay with my parents so ad not to put anyone out.

I agree with PP that these numpties just wanted a booze up at your expense. Plus if they do show up and start behaving inappropriately I am sure other members of the congregation will stop them so they don't ruin your twins' day (I know ours would - and have!)

Good luck, go and have a chill once the twins are settled.

JudyCoolibar · 06/09/2016 19:32

How odd of them to have assumed you needed their help and that you would have space for them. Surely if you had needed them to help you would have asked long ago? And indeed if you needed help you were more likely to get your family to help rather than them?

Joanna0685 · 06/09/2016 19:36

No way tell them you would rather them put their money towards accommodation than buy a gift. Way out of order if you ask me.

Original poster
WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 19:37

I just wanted a nice celebratory day. To be fair my dad warned me that inviting anyone other than close close family would never be smooth sailing, he said the less people involved the less chance of stress!!

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 06/09/2016 19:41

Are your friends crazy or something? Do they think you've just won the lottery. Bloody cheek of them. Of course YANBU.

I'd be quite pissed off to get such a request to be honest. Why would you pay for their accommodation?

JacquettaWoodville · 06/09/2016 19:46

I am sorry OP. They've been really rude to you.

Interesting how their offer to "help" only came after they asked you to pay for them, after you busted them on there still being spaces at B&Bs and after you suggested they drive there and back in a day.

Not the most sincere offer, was it?!

Foslady · 06/09/2016 19:51

So glad you stuck to your guns - a late boozey night and an early up for a christening don't mix!

Firsttimer82 · 06/09/2016 19:52

Sounds like they are seeing paying for a hotel as part of a friendship tax. How joyless can they be?!!? Tell them no and if they don't come they don't come.

JacquettaWoodville · 06/09/2016 19:55

If they really wanted to help, they'd've asked what they could do eg bring stuff for buffet, help decorate village hall etc.

None of which would involve getting pissed in your lounge whilst your family works round them!

ShiftyLookingBadger · 06/09/2016 20:37

This whole conversation is just bizarre to me... They do not sound like friends!! And as for paying for their accommodation, WTAF?!

I'd stop responding to them. Immediately.

MamaBolt · 06/09/2016 21:27

Are you absolutely loaded?

That's all I can come up with by way of explanation ;)

BerylStreep · 06/09/2016 21:28

Yes, I'd relegate them to ex-friend status.

Having said that, I think it is a little odd to invite friends to Christenings, God-parents excepted. Perhaps it's just my circle, but I have only ever attended in the capacity of Godfather's wife (they know I'm too godless to be up to the job). Similarly, for both my DC Christenings it was just family and then godparents.

MuseumOfCurry · 06/09/2016 21:28

Jeez, sorry OP.

Are you the first of your group of friends to have children?

Original poster
WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 21:40

Sorry didn't mean to ignore a few recurrent questions. I'm mid 20s so yes they are young and I'm the first (not of my wider closer friendship groups, but of our uni group) to have children.
None of them are church goers.
I'm not 'loaded' but we haven't done the christening on a tight budget, having said that - of the four of us I am not the wealthiest.

They are no longer coming.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 06/09/2016 21:43

They are not being good friends OP. They are just trying to use you for a cheap boozy weekend.
Seriously - tell them to Fuck Off