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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay for guest accommodation

201 replies

WindInThePussyWillows · 05/09/2016 17:08

Having a christening at our local church and a bit of a party afterward, approx 30 guests and 10 children.
We live in a relatively expensive town in the South where unfortunately hotels and b&bs are very busy so charge a fair bit per night.

A few uni friends who are coming have messaged me saying the hotels are more expensive than they had anticipated and would I be paying all/ a contribution towards their accommodation for the night.

They are live 2 hours away, no children. The christening starts at 11 and I imagine the after celebrations will end about 5.

After the cost of the party, cake..etc I just can't afford to pay towards their accommodation.

WIBU to say no?

I'd completely understand if they couldn't afford to come and aren't able to make it.

OP posts:
RedSauceAndJellyJuice · 06/09/2016 10:17

Jesus Christ , you are supposed to be focusing on the Christening not a group of hangers on
Tell them straight

LunaJuna · 06/09/2016 10:29

Exactly OP it's a Christening not a booze party.
Very unfair on them to ask you that and make you feel bad for not doing it.
I hope this doesn't stress you too much and hope they can realise they crossed the line and just come and enjoy the day

MrsHam13 · 06/09/2016 10:51

Just reply 'I'm sorry, I already have the house full with family staying who are travelling from six hours away. If it's too inconvenient for you to come up and down in one day though, don't worry. I understand.'

Twooter · 06/09/2016 10:56

I would be tempted to let them know that if Christenings aren't their thing, they should arrange to come and stay a different weekend when you can have more time for them. I suspect they're starting to realise that the day will involve long drives, sitting through a church service, and then making small talk with strangers while you rush around madly. Not unreasonable to expect them to do it, but I can understand why they may be wanting to make more of the get together. ( though asking for payment for accommodation was beyond rude.)

allsfairinlove · 06/09/2016 15:39

They are very weird "friends" Confused

biggles50 · 06/09/2016 16:55

I am really shocked at this rude behaviour. The fact that you say a few of them messaged asking if you were paying/contributing towards accommodation beggars belief. How discourteous. Have you got back to them yet? I'd be saying sorry but I can't afford for me to stay in a hotel let alone you, party ends at 5, Y'all take care now.

merrymouse · 06/09/2016 17:02

I agree with twooter.

They are talking about the 'twins' special day', but they don't seem to have much idea of what a christening involves.

Mammylamb · 06/09/2016 17:18

Yanbu!!!! Never heard anything like this in my life!! No you should not pay a blooody penny

Cleanermaidcook · 06/09/2016 17:19

Sorry but these people are not your friends, they're cheeky freeloaders, real friends would not do this to you. Tell them no, your house is full of family and you really wont have time for a proper catch up before or after the christening as this day is all about your children so thats where you'll be - with them!

Marymoosmum14 · 06/09/2016 17:21

You don't pay for guest accommodation for a wedding let alone a christening. 2 hours isn't all that far especially when the after party will be wrapping up about 5 they could easily drive back home if they don't want to pay for a room.

Winemamma · 06/09/2016 17:22

Wow how cheeky are these people? Clearly very. I would be furious by that request. Definitely do not pay for them!

manalice · 06/09/2016 17:24

Absolutely not. We travelled 3.5hrs each way on the same day to a family get together recently - with a just 2 year old and 3 month old onboard. No complaints here, we wanted to go so we did and we paid our way taking gifts and food & drink. Yanbu

Masketti · 06/09/2016 17:33

My boozy uni friends and me went to another friend's son's Christening which was a full blown happy clapping affair. I was massively hungover from the night before but none of us expected other friend to pay for our shindig! YANBU.

Carlym26 · 06/09/2016 17:34

Wow you have just very rude friends! Do not allow them to stay at yours you will have enough to do and there's nothing worse than your children getting up early in the morning and you have childrenless "guests" in your lounge meaning you can't get on as you normally would. They are very rude!!!

CheesyWeez · 06/09/2016 17:37

MrsHam and Twooter both have it right. Your place is full, let them arrange a reunion weekend another time. The two things (cups of tea at the church, / reliving boozy uni night out) aren't compatible for the same weekend. Let them know exactly what is happening at the christening and give them the opportunity to bow out without falling out.

expatinscotland · 06/09/2016 17:51

They have more front that Sainsbury's. They want a free weekend away to hang out with their mates. You have to keep saying no, the house is full already.

gillybeanz · 06/09/2016 17:52

Of course YANBU, but these acquaintances from uni don't sound like friends you'd invite to a family gathering. Confused
Surely, anyone who wanted to come would pay for accommodation.

Pilgit · 06/09/2016 17:54

Can friends who do this really be described as friends? Very rude

MuseumOfCurry · 06/09/2016 17:54

Outrageous. Have they no shame? Your reply is perfect, by the way. I can't wait to hear what comes next

LyndaNotLinda · 06/09/2016 17:54

I would reply and say that you have a houseful, sorry and that if it's too pricey for them to stay locally then no problem, see them another time.

And leave it at that.

Incidentally, I've driven 2 hours into central London for an event at 11am on a Sunday and it's an absolute breeze. The traffic line is crap.

How old are you? I don't mean to be rude but they sound like they're really young/immature.

Floey · 06/09/2016 18:01

Are they mad? Of course you don't contribute

TheresAJaffaCakeInMyPocket · 06/09/2016 18:31

What are they planning the night before would be my question! How good are friends are they? If you say no I think they will not come, which is not very nice of them.

Mycatsabastard · 06/09/2016 18:31

It sounds like they are still in student mode.

We were godparents for a friends ds earlier this year. They live six hours away from us and so we drove up the day before, picked up another friend on the way. We all stayed in b&b (which we paid for) the night before but went over to friends to help prep food with her and then on the day of the Christening we had a couple of hours at the celebration bit afterwards and then drove the six hours home again. Absolutely exhausting, cost a bomb but completely worth it.

I wouldn't have dreamed of even asking my friend to either put us up or pay for accommodation. If we couldn't have afforded it we would have had said that we couldn't go.

Original poster
WindInThePussyWillows · 06/09/2016 18:44

We've fallen out a little this evening I said I really don't have the space and they said I was being ungrateful of their offer to help.
I told them it would be more helpful for them to not come if they are going to cause me extra stress and it sounds like an excuse to come and have a party weekend than to come and celebrate a family event.

I feel really bad and a bit rude but I don't need the drama.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 06/09/2016 18:51

Well done on not being guilted by these cheeky fucks. That's exactly what they wanted - a party weekend with free lodging. They don't care about the christening.

'We've fallen out a little this evening I said I really don't have the space and they said I was being ungrateful of their offer to help.'

Shocking!