Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I am unreasonable (Wedding related)

313 replies

HairsprayBabe · 05/09/2016 08:35

DP's best mate is getting married next year and we have just been filled in on all the details. I am so horrified by what they have planned I don't want to go but I know it is their day and I am being VVU but I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding.

For the record they are not well off and I wasn't expecting the Ritz more like, registery office, social club, buffet and disco or similar.

What they have planned is the following;
A registry office ceremony - full tails for the gents, hats etc for the women are expected by the bride for photos.
A 2hr slot in a pan-asian buffet style restaurant - speeches are banned.
A club night out on the local strip.

For the amount they are paying for the restaurant - buying meals for all guests - they could have had a private room in a social club with a buffet and a disco! I am upset for DP as it is his first time as best man and he has been banned from making any speeches.

I don't understand how this will feel any different from any other Friday night for this couple, there is low key but this is silly! Why go for the big princess dress just to take it to the local Chinese!

Any way I know it is unreasonable but this wedding will be VV weird... can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity... Must have a hat.
HA

OP posts:
Foslady · 05/09/2016 10:12

So one minute you're happy for the bride and groom, the next minute she's abusive.

I couldn't be happy for anyone tying themselves into an abusive relationship.......and it doesn't justify a bitchfest about their wedding.

Hope you can be more supportive to the groom if it all crashes down.....

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 05/09/2016 10:14

Aaaaaannnndddd now the drip feed that the bride is abusive. Why didn't you start the thread about that rather than the fact they don't want to have a buffet in a social club?

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 05/09/2016 10:16

I think your initials stand for Hyacinth Bucket OP! Grin

pictish · 05/09/2016 10:17

Well the humour did not come off OP.

BarbaraofSeville · 05/09/2016 10:19

It is an unusual way to do it, but they've probably looked at what they would have paid to have a buffet in the church hall with a DJ or whatever and thought 'we would get nicer food at the Chinese buffet and that's what we like better'.

You never know, maybe the buffet place has a room for private parties and if they know it is a wedding, they might make some extra special dishes for everyone?

Good on them to sticking two fingers up to the wedding 'industry' where prices double or triple for venue hire and catering once the word wedding is mentioned.

EdmundCleverClogs · 05/09/2016 10:20

I am just surprised to find I am the only person in the whole world to have ever bitched about a wedding..

People are perfectly entitled to bitch about a wedding when the couple involved are being unreasonable. See: Expecting money/certain gifts, awkward dress code, exotic/expensive location Maui. You're just being rude, doesn't seem anything awful or bitch-worthy about this wedding. It's not 'lighthearted', you're being judgmental.

milkyface · 05/09/2016 10:20

hairspray I don't particularly enjoy weddings at all.

There are bits of weddings that I dislike, or find boring or whatever.

The difference between my dislike and yours, is that mine is not personal, and that goes for many other people who bitch about weddings or have a little whinge or whatever.

For example, sometimes wedding food isn't great. I might say to dp, oh I didn't really enjoy that starter it wasn't great. I wouldn't say 'oh that starter was shit why would they choose that why didn't they just go to x place instead that would have been a much better way to spend their money'

Their wedding is what they want. They have not planned it to please you. If you don't like it, it's a bit of tough shit really. You will get to do what you want on your own wedding.

As I say I am not over keen on weddings, however obviously you attend weddings of those you are close to, and these people are my friends and family so whatever they choose is obviously what they are into and I would go and enjoy myself anyway and celebrate their marriage, which is actually what it's about, not their choice of effing buffet.

You're allowed to say 'it wouldn't be what I'd do' but you've gone too far by saying why didn't they do this instead, why would you do what you do every Friday.

They want to do that. It's their wedding. If you really hate the idea that much that you cannot get out from up your own arse and celebrate their marriage with them, then please, for their sake, do not go.

kissmethere · 05/09/2016 10:21

Really? Don't go. Just don't go. You're attitude is going to show on your face.
Let them have their day which I'm sure will be tons better with you not being there.

smokeybandit · 05/09/2016 10:26

Maybe they want to spend their wedding day the same way as every normal friday because they really enjoy it, and at the end of the day that's what matters. That THEY enjoy it. It doesn't make you snobby not to like it but it does make you rude to be so...well, rude, about a day you don't HAVE to attend and isn't about your tastes.

DailyMailPenisPieces · 05/09/2016 10:27

'My main issue is that we will look like complete twats' - given that you're being a complete twat, I think that's rather fitting.

Lilaclily · 05/09/2016 10:29

Op I'm with you about the nightclub bit
It's unfair to exclude the older members of the family who wouldn't enjoy that
Will there be time to go home and get changed?

MudCity · 05/09/2016 10:35

When it is your wedding day, you can have exactly what you would like. However, be aware that not everyone you invite will decide that it is their idea of a great day. Weddings can be very dull and go on for a very long time with a lot of milling around waiting for the next part. I think the couple in this case are trying to do away with the formalities and keep the pace going so people don't get bored stiff. Credit to them.

Batteriesallgone · 05/09/2016 10:35

Mine and DPs wedding was very much a 'same thing you do every Friday' affair.

Because it was a celebration of us. Because we do those things because we like doing them. Personally I disliked the idea of an event somewhere fancy where I'd never go again. I like the fact I walk past where we had our meal on a regular basis it makes me beam. YABVVVU to think the B&G should prioritise you not thinking it's weird / boring over a lifetime of - ohh we got married here last week / a year ago / ten years ago and the spring rolls are still yum Grin and still being able to afford a meal there when you've got two kids and one income.

For you it's just a day. For them it's the rest of their lives. Good on them doing it for the right reasons. The only wierd thing here is your narrow definition of a 'real' wedding.

pictish · 05/09/2016 10:36

Good point. No, you're not the first person to bitch about a wedding, of course you're not. It's just that there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with their wedding beyond it not being what you would organise...and so what?

You haven't come across as light-hearted or humourous and your manner has not invited similar stories. You have come across as sneery and superior for no good reason and got people's backs up.

There is a lot to be said for intonation, body language and expression so I'm willing to accept that you didn't intend to be unpleasant here. I hope you can immerse yourselves in and enjoy the day in support of your dp's friend.

Oh and don't wear a hat if you don't want to. They won't notice either way.

george1020 · 05/09/2016 10:36

Why are you trying to justify the fact you are being a bitch? The sudden drip feed Hmm

Nothing about what you have said is funny it's just really unpleasant. You are mocking and sniggering at other people, their choices and what makes them happy which is unkind, judgemental and rude.

You are within your rights to think whatever you like but don't voice it!!! I take you you were never taught that if you don't have anything nice to say then say nothing at all.

Your attitude will make you become bitter and sad. I think you may be jealous too, you can always ask your BF to marry you.

Fanjolena · 05/09/2016 10:41

I call bullshit on the bride being abusive, you've just said that to justify your nastiness and try to dig yourself out of the hole you're now in.

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2016 10:46

I was going to say something nice as I thought you were getting a lot of bashing. The comments you made about bitching about it with the GF of one of the grooms friends and feeling encouraged by mumsnetters comments to go and watch the freak show or some such were awful. Perhaps you could take time to stop and think. Would you like someone talking about you like this? Do what you need to do to grow up because you sound like a mega bitch.

SoupDragon · 05/09/2016 10:46

Yes because you all know me personally I am clearly a snob

People are judging based on your posts here. The posts come across as extremely bitchy, nasty and snobbish - what are people supposed to think?

kslatts · 05/09/2016 10:49

My friend had her wedding reception in their favourite local restaurant followed by drinks in their favourite pub. It was a fab day and felt really informal and relaxed.

Their wedding, their choice.

JacquettaWoodville · 05/09/2016 10:58

" I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding."

" can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity."

"I don't care it will be awful. "

"DP also thinks the whole thing sounds like a joke."

Yes, I've picked particular bits from your posts on the first page, but can you see why you aren't coming across as someone jovially sharing "unusual wedding stories"?

pictish · 05/09/2016 11:01

You forgot "the hideous show".

God I'd be gutted if I knew someone had referred to my wedding as 'the hideous show'. Ouch.

JacquettaWoodville · 05/09/2016 11:02

" I really need to vent about this as it is so ridiculous I am not sure how any one could take seriously as a "real" wedding."

" can anyone suggest an outfit I can wear to this monstrosity."

"I don't care it will be awful. "

"DP also thinks the whole thing sounds like a joke."

Yes, I've picked particular bits from your posts on the first page, but can you see why you aren't coming across as someone jovially sharing "unusual wedding stories"?

JacquettaWoodville · 05/09/2016 11:02

Oops double post!

SusieGreen · 05/09/2016 11:08

'Tis ok the other best mans GF agrees with me too so we can just snigger about it together...

Mean girls usually travel in packs. Do the happy couple a favour and just stay home OP.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky · 05/09/2016 11:09

I think it sounds fine. It's their day not yours so slap a smile on, be nice and don't spoil it for them. Go with an open mind and you might actually surprise yourself and have a great time