Friend burned the bridge. AIBU to not send a boat?

[MyKidsHaveTakenMySanity]

I had a friend from age 10 to around 27. We were the best of friends. Closer than sisters. I moved almost 200 miles away as an adult and kept in touch through phone calls and occasional visits. She had a child then I had one. We talked often (about her child and mine) and about our daily lives, pets, parents, partners, work etc...
After a while she stopped taking most of my calls (pressing reject) or getting someone to say she wasn't in. Texts and emails dwindled. I tried to find out what I had done to no avail. All contact ceased. I was hurt.

A few years later I got a grovelling text saying how she was sorry and understood if I didn't want to speak to her again. My reply asked why she cut off contact. Her answer threw me. "She didn't want to talk about kids"
I get it, all I had in my life was my kids but conversations from her were about her kid too and she couldn't have just said? Or changed the subject (though children were NOT all we ever talked about anyway!) So I apologised and we began talking again, with me trying to hardly mention anyone's children. After about a month it all stopped again! Contact dwindled to no replies at all. So I said, "Screw it"

Until 7 months later I got ANOTHER text! So, offering an olive branch I replied.... Only for her to never reply again.

Now 5 years later I've had a grovelling message AGAIN. And a family member received one too asking them to get me to hear her out. What do I do? AIBU to just leave that message and any subsequent messages sitting in that little Message requests folder forever?

Can I offer a word of reassurance about the third friend? I was in trio which ended badly - two of us remained friends and the third was frozen out for a while. My friend decided after some years had passed that she would rekindle the friendship and after some bumps by understanding is that they are firm friends again. I have chosen to reject the early olive branches and have not rekindled the friendship.

In all that time though we did not Bitch or talk about the other friend once things were resolved with two. We have been able to compartmentalise our friendship and middle friend has been able to move on to her satisfaction without losing either of us.

Please don't feel your middle friend must know. Don't let the behaviour of one friend lose you another

Oh I don't feel any animosity toward the third friend about the "dumping". I knew she knew what was going on and that was her choice. She is on my friends list (on my rarely used FB account admittedly, not my main one but not many people from my past are) so we comment on each other's posts on occasion but her life took a very, very different direction to both me and my (ex)best friend's.
The friendship was a little soured for me by it all but where her life is now, all we have are memories anyway. (Think less than zero in common)

So, I'm so nosey and really hoping you replied just for us (me!) but have you got an update for us?

Just remembered a "friend" I bent over backwards for, I was friends with her DH and she's foreign, I did everything I could to make her feel part of our group and at home here and it worked and we became pretty much best friends. She had some shit and I put my life and that of both DC at the time, completely on hold to be there to help her and then out of nowhere she just ditched me. I will never know why. It's taken me a while - 2 years - to get over it, probably a bit daft of me. But it hurt at the time. She told lies to her husband about "what I did" and has also told all of our mutual friends, only one of them still talks to me. Fucking bitch!!! Anyway, sometimes deleting them from your life is better too.

But I really want to know!!

Oh I'm sorry, no update yet. I think I have decided to reply.
Possibly tonight. Gonna have a think on it.

Hi mykids.

Take as long as you need, it's an important decision.

Of course we want an update because were nosey buggers but actually because we want to be there for you after too. (If that's not too corny!)

I did it.

Said pretty much that I didn't know what to say but 5 years, why now.

Wtaf she is certainly a weird one. Leave her to it ignore her who needs friends like this?

I wouldn't get embroiled in a lengthy discussion with this woman if you don't want a friendship with her. If you don't want a friendship, end it on your terms when she replies- "I'm sorry but I don't want to see you again" (or something more articulate!)

I see why you've replied, but the problem is that by doing so, you've put yourself in a position where you might end up feeling vulnerable and sad if she doesn't get back to you. She has form for not responding to your replies. I hope she does respond, but I hope you won't be upset if you hear nothing

The fact that she has created more drama by contacting your friends and family about getting in touch instead of just writing a proper explanation to you directly rings alarm bells for me that she is thinking only of herself. Again. Please don't invest too much in this ex friend and be prepared for her to play her cat and mouse games again. Put yourself first, it is high time you act in your own best interests.

I would hear her out. You say you were closer then Sisters, most would respond to family, so I'd say see what she has to say.

I'm shamelessly lurking. Not even sorry.

Joins GissASquizz on the lurkers bench. Op, hope you're friend at least has the decency to be honest with you this time round.

Not a great start I'm afraid.

No explanation as yet but has stated a couple of times saying she has tried to contact me before but to no reply. I have two facebooks (none she is blocked from and no messages there) and my mobile number has been the same for well over a decade. And she's not blocked there either.

I'm not going to invest anything in this.

Send back:

I'm not getting involved in your drama again. Have a nice life.

And ignore.

That seems strange. You are right to proceed with caution.

Oh. Update. Mystery and drama. What a surprise

V. wise not to invest too much. Be prepared for a quick getaway should there be an attempt to ramp things up to saga levels. I sense one in my water.

Dump the drama llama and be done with it - you don't need her!

What a waste of your time and energy! Sounds like she's having a go already and ignoring her behaviour. I definitely don't think you should waste anything on her, don't reply again and block/delete etc., do not send the boat!! I hope you didn't feel pushed into replying by the nosey beaky message I sent! But at least you can tell from her useless response that it's really not worth it!

I'm just here for the update, hoping she has some pretty special reason for her 5 year absence.

Oh, she is being passive aggressive instead of explaining or attempting to actually sort out any misunderstandings. In that case, move on.

If she's skirting around the issue, I think I'd leave it there. Either ignore any further messages or quite simply reply saying that you just can't forget that you've been dropped twice with seemingly no reason by someone you counted as a best friend. Life has moved on and you wish her well, ta ta.

And I think she is just being nosy - she wants an update on what you've been up to, possibly wants to show off about what she's been up to, and then she'll bugger off again.

Drop her and see how she likes it!

I worked with a girl a few years ago, we became good friends. We walked to and from work most days as we lived near each other. We ate lunch together every day for years. We confided, laughed, got drunk and cried together.

I moved to another dept and never heard from her again. Literally. Then out of the blue about six years later, I got an invitation from her to her wedding. I duly went along, gave her quite a large gift (for nostalgic reasons mainly) and never heard from her again. I sent a few emails but got curt replies. I spent a long time wondering what I had done wrong. I was hurt when she told me she went to my local shopping centre but couldn't meet me as she was too busy. I continued to send a Christmas card every year as I figured we were once good friends and I wanted to keep the door open.

A few years later, I got a text message to say she had had a baby. I duly posted off a gift and wrote to her giving my congratulations.

I was hurt when she told me she sometimes went to my local shopping centre but couldn't meet me as she was too busy. When I sent her a text to say I had had a baby, she replied by text 'congrats.'

About five years later, she emailed me a photo of herself. She had lost a lot of weight. I sent back a text telling her she looked great. I haven't heard a word from her since.

I think some people have this need to be envied, I'm loathe to say it is narcissism but maybe that is exactly what it is. I assume that is why I got the texts when things were going well for her. I spent a long time wondering what I had done wrong.

In hindsight I can see this, but it took me a very long time.

Wow tibbles that's weird! You're far too nice for that woman and it's definitely her loss.💐