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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If I ask my neighbors not to let their 2yo dd out into the garden naked anymore?

263 replies

Restingbuttface · 04/09/2016 19:01

My neighbors are lovely, but they often let their 2.5yo dd naked into the garden on a very regular basis. I have a 13 yo ds and it often embarrasses him and his friends especially when they are out playing in the garden. Do you think I should say something or just leave it? I personally am a bit paranoid about such things and I think if we can see her, who else could be intentionally looking. WIBU if I said something to them or should I leave them to it?

OP posts:
Wolpertinger · 04/09/2016 19:52

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Propertyquandry · 04/09/2016 19:52

Op, does he have sisters? When I thought we would only have the boys then I made sure they saw me naked in the normal course of things. So they'd talk to me when I showered or bathed. When they were young and we talked about bodies and sex in an age appropriate way, we always takes about girls bodies too. When we bought ds1 the boys handbook to puberty or whatever it was called, we also bought him the girls one.

ShesGottaTicket2Ride · 04/09/2016 19:54

OP ...there is currently so much hype about paedophilia... I wonder if your 13 year old boy is worried about being called a perv or paedo for accidentally looking in the direction of unclothed toddler?

I think I may have read about CHILDREN ending up on the sex offenders register for silly reasons... maybe he's read about this?

Perhaps there are weird attitudes at his school?

When kids are nervous/bothered or upset about something.. it can be helpful to talk until everything comes out.. just a thought...

I am sure that your ds is a nice kid OP. And I don't think you are BU to have these worries however, your neighbour IS in the confines of her own garden .. and her child is only a baby...

Portobelly · 04/09/2016 19:56

I'd be concerned that your son has been exposed to over sexualised attitudes towards bodies. I'd be mmore concerned with that than the naked baby.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/09/2016 19:56

OP I have three teenage boys who have all been 13. They would not have noticed a naked toddler let alone comment on it. I find it odd your Ds and friends do.

Pemba · 04/09/2016 19:57

Oh my goodness. Have you just stepped through a time portal? I was reminiscing with my parents the other day about an area where we used to live when I was a child, and the neighbours and people who lived around there. We had a bit of a giggle about one next-door neighbour, who though generally nice, did get my DM's back up once complaining about her teenage son being embarrassed at seeing me playing naked in our back garden. I was about 2 or 3. We all laughed indulgently about what an amusing old stick-in-the mud said neighbour was.

My parents are in their seventies, and this happened 50 YEARS AGO!

greathat · 04/09/2016 20:01

MY dd6 was pretty much naked playing in the garden when it was hot. We had the paddling pool out. She started out with a swim suit but abandoned it. Do I need to wrap her in a blanket next time?

Original poster
Restingbuttface · 04/09/2016 20:01

Wolpertinger: he's not thanks and neither are his friends.

And yes please put the daggers away for my ds. Thanks.

OP posts:
CoconutAndVanilla · 04/09/2016 20:02

No it wasn't a joke post, I didn't let DS play outside in the garden naked when he was younger neither will I be letting DD, you never know who is watching (especially if it is a half fence like OP has said)

thecatsclinkers · 04/09/2016 20:03

YABVU.

Pleas tell us why your son is embarrassed? This is odd, peculiar and worrying in equal measure.

Gardenbirds123 · 04/09/2016 20:06

Yabvu

SaucyJack · 04/09/2016 20:06

Maybe now would be a good time to teach your son that, actually, he can help but stare at other people doing perfectly normal things within the privacy of their own home.

Laiste · 04/09/2016 20:07

''when they mentioned it to me I did say don't look it's their garden they can do what they want etc.''

and you were correct. So why on earth are you contemplating going round to say something? What message would that give to your son, apart from anything else?!

Hillfarmer · 04/09/2016 20:08

I think the two year old should be told to cover up. After all she's got a lifetime cultural messages telling her she's responsible for how other people feel about body. May as well start now.

Do they do burkhinis in her size, I wonder?

Hillfarmer · 04/09/2016 20:08

her body

Propertyquandry · 04/09/2016 20:08

Yes, posters shouldn't be making unsavoury comments about your DS who is still a child himself. However, you are an adult and as his mother you have a responsibility to make sure that as he grows from toddlerhood to adulthood, you ensure he has a healthy attitude to the naked body. That nakedness is fine when appropriate. (And it's most certainly appropriate for a 2yr old in their back garden) That you discuss female puberty as well as male puberty with him. That you equip him with as much knowledge about sex, sexuality and the emotions and responsibilities that are intrinsically linked to that. These are as important as ensuring he can read or is well mannered.

nosyupnorth · 04/09/2016 20:08

YABU - but in a way that I find completely understandable.

Teenagers get awkward, especially around stuff related to bodies and your son's discomfort doesn't strike me as any stranger that when kids complain about the kissing parts in movies - those posters who are implying that his discomfort suggests anything sketchy seem very out of touch with teenagers.

It's totally their right to let their toddler run around starkers on their property, but if your teenage son and guests find it a bit cringe that's their right too.

EarthboundMisfit · 04/09/2016 20:08

It's a two year old. The neighbours are very unreasonable.

orangeyellowgreen · 04/09/2016 20:09

Gap in the market for baby burkinis.

Propertyquandry · 04/09/2016 20:10

*''when they mentioned it to me I did say don't look it's their garden they can do what they want etc.''

and you were correct.*

No, no, no!

It's not about teaching him not to look. It's about teaching him there's nothing to see.

toopeoply · 04/09/2016 20:10

You should have said to your son that she's baby! It's normal and not one thing that the 2 yr old should be embarrassed about or told is wrong.

RunningLulu · 04/09/2016 20:10

I wouldn't expect 13 year boys to even notice a naked 2 year old tbh. As I have an 11 year old I suppose this is something to look forward too I would personally ask my son to stop playing with his friends in the garden when she's out there - as others have said the weather's going to get colder soon, so it'll resolve itself.

SandyPantz · 04/09/2016 20:10

It is not normal for teenagers to feel awkward/embarrassed about a naked toddler

that is not within the scope of normal teenage awkwardness!

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/09/2016 20:15

The lady who lives next to my inlaws likes to sunbathe naked in her garden. She was also DPs teacher. Still nothing that can be done - it'd be totally unreasonable to ask people to get dressed in their own garden, and she's two. Two!

Original poster
Restingbuttface · 04/09/2016 20:16

Sirzy, Portobelly - no need to be rude about my ds. Its a free forum and no need for insults. Thanks

OP posts:
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