To think some people just aren't suited or able to hold down a full time job?

[differentstrokes16]

I'm one of those people, sadly. Unemployable in terms of not able to last in a full time job. I have an autoimmune disorder, chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I work for myself now, take rest when I need to. Lack of adequate rest makes me feel like absolute shit and triggers my anxiety problems, and when prolonged I develop depression. I can't manage the expected hours of a full time job and take care of cooking and basic laundry. I don't even have kids to look after. This all makes me feel unbelievably pathetic.

So I work for myself, but am always skint and running out of savings. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do. There must be others in similar situations, who aren't able to work full time? What do they do? What's a good solution?

OP could you do a list of all your

• skills, things you've been trained for
• interests and likes
• any unique talents.

You could use it as an inventory to explore possibilities for work. You may need to rule out some of the things on your list if your health situation stops you from seriously considering them.

But it may trigger some thoughts about flexible job openings that you haven't yet explored. Like the pp who mentioned dog walking. That idea could have come from your "interests and likes" list (I like dogs)

Maybe it could be an enjoyable thing to do, to give you a bit of hope, if you discover something that you hadn't considered, that could be an opportunity for flexible earning to fit around your life and health.

I agree with you OP.

I am able to work full time but my DSis had a series of heart attacks and now can't, despite recovering as well as possible. No one has ever questioned her or suggested that she should be able to work. It must be frustrating that chronic diseases unfortunately aren't understood fully.

Threads like this always descend into shouting, and vulnerable people always get kicked. I hate it. OP, I am sorry you have been got at like this..

Fuck the 'I have 27 kids, 6 life threatening conditions and a dog' posters. Life is not all about working and money.

Some people with CFS can work, some can't make it out of bed to the toilet. It's not important what others do but what you can.

I have spent my entire adult life fluctuating from full time to part time no work because of different illnesses. It doesn't make me less of a person when I can't work. I don't care if I'm a bit more skint if it means I get a better quality of life. I have forced myself to work fulltime from PT when ill and that resulted in a year off work so that was a success.

PS I know it's not a cure all but entirely cutting out any wheat from my diet completely improved my conditions, and allowed me to have kids when I thought I never would be able.

And runninglulu, to comment about having four kids immediately after someone has expressed concern that they may never feel able to have one is some special sort of lack of empathy.

Some people with CFS can work, some can't make it out of bed to the toilet. It's not important what others do but what you can.

This. With cfs it's vital to be allowed to manage your own energy and learn to read your body's warning signs that you're pushing it too far. People who have never had cfs will never understand and can safely be ignored. A slow recovery is possible, not a fast recovery!! Took me 2 years to get back into employment, another year to build up to full time, and I will never have the energy levels my colleagues take for granted. There are plenty of days where all I do is go to work come home, eat and sleep. So what? Let other people carry on with their energetic lives. It's none of their business what I do to quietly arrange my life to protect my health. Good luck in your recovery OP.

I was "I just have to get on with it" person a few years ago. Lots of people on this thread would have hated me, looking back I hate myself I look back at being on the phone to my office from a hospital bed and think "you twat"

At the time I genuinely believed it - sole wage earner, DC with SN meaning no childcare available, big bills to pay, loved my job etc etc. It wasn't the illness that fucked my career so much as the absences - and I had an understanding boss.

A couple of years down the line I realise that I was a twat sometimes you physically can't get on with it. I am much much happier now, more than I thought I would be despite being defined by my career previously. It's a shame though as I still think I have skills and useful knowledge to offer an employer. Hopefully I will find something in be future.

I really only came on to post what my (lovely) boss said to me when it all finally fell apart. They had kept me on much longer than another employer might have done and my boss said when I left "You feel guilty and think about all the times you weren't in the office but I think about all the times you were in the office and struggling and I saw it and I know you couldn't have done any more than you have done. You should feel proud of what you have done, not guilty about what you didn't".

It really made me see everything in a different light. I realise now that all the cliches are true - it's just a job, deathbed regrets are all about family etc - all true! It's weird how my life is smaller, yet better.

And I paid a fuckload of tax so don't feel too guilty about finally claiming benefits. In fact being awarded things like a blue badge and PIP without having to appeal (which I was expecting to) made me realise how ill I was/am.

"Just get on with it"
Exactly what you should NEVER say to someone with MH problems.

OP I suffer from anxiety and depression and work full time and commute 4 hours and it is a struggle. And you seem to have other stuff going on. It must be really hard for you.
You say you have some savings with is good. And you seem to keep on trying which is excellent.

What is you sat down and thought of a job that would be easier on you? I used to work in research, very office based and I struggled. Now I work with people which is very hard but it pushes me to face my fears and anxiety every day.

Maybe for a couple of years you need to focus on you and find a job that doesn't add stress to your life.

Dont think about the long term just small steps

Sorry lots of typos make my post unreadable

I have health problems and work part time. When I made myself try and work full time I ended up spending quarter of the year off sick and in hospital. Not everyone can simply work through.

Yup I used to just "get on with it" until I couldn't. I still think I ought to and then I can't and the guilt goes around in circles. i don't have the brain space to cook at the moment (I've started a thread) yet I used to be so bright and able.

Mysterycat. Can I ask what you did to recover over those 2 years? I feel I just have good months and bad months but don't really improve. I'm happy to "work" at it if only I knew what to do!!

I'm (touch wood) in good health, young, relatively fit and have two school age children, I 'only' work 21 hrs a week. That's my choice, I don't feel I have to justify myself to anyone else. I could work more but I prefer for my children to have me around more to take them to after school activities or just spend time with them from 3pm onwards. Not sure why 37.5+ hrs has to be the standard, as others have suggested, try to work towards earning more money for the hours you can do. Also read 'Your Money or Your Life', classic book on money management, really changed the way I think about money and work.

Frankly, if people are managing to do more than you, there's every chance they're not as badly off as you!

That's a very good point waltermitty.

And anyway, it's easier to work full time when you're suffering from ill health if you have a fantastic supportive partner and a job that is flexible and let's you do x u and a z if you're feeling poorly.

If you have little or no support you're stuffed.

Op yanbu. (And getting an unfair kicking)

I'm so pleased that more supportive posters have turned up on the thread.

The culture of work in this country is totally fucked anyway.

I work with a lot of Scandinavian clients and they all leave the office at 3.30pm and take four weeks' holiday over the summer.

I don't understand the 'I've got five kids and commute three hours a day each way and still manage to stay on top of the laundry' people. To me that just sounds like a rubbish, exhausting treadmill and not a great quality of life. How on earth is that better than someone who works from home as much as their ill health will allow?

Fuck, if I had the choice to reduce my hours and work from home, I absolutely would.

As it is, I'm on a rubbish, exhausting treadmill. But I don't expect a medal for it.

I have a genetic condition that along with the physical aspects, also involves fatigue. I have bugger all stamina - can do things for short periods - say 2 weeks - and then crash and need to sleep for ages to recover. I'm in a fog of confusion a lot of the time and have to concentrate very hard on not losing, forgetting things. It drives me mad and I hate and resent it.

DD on the other hand has a far worse autoimmune condition which also causes fatigue and worked full time for years and has only stopped because childcare would cost the same as what she would earn at work. I have absolutely no idea how she does what she does. She just seems far more able to carry on functioning when she feels like total shit. I worry to bits about her and hope when she does go back to work, she can get a pt job.

I think people react and cope differently with the same/similar conditions. I beat myself up constantly and feel guilty about being weak, not contributing to society etc. Especially because other than tired, I don't appear ill.

Hey OP lots of replies here already but as a fellow diabetic I identify 100% and don't really have an answer for you other than you're not lazy, it's a horrendous condition (not just for its physical but also its mental toll) and you're doing what you can. I was in a stressful full-time role when I was diagnosed (with late onset Type 1) and very quickly realised I couldn't cope especially with constant doctors appointments every few months etc (because my BS management wasn't great). Also, after I suffered some pretty terrible discrimination in that job after I was diagnosed (from people who should have known better, no less) I have never told another employer about my condition, which makes it even harder to manage in an office.

My solution was to spend a few years changing careers so I could move into one in which I could work from home, which I'm doing now. I now do a couple of shifts a week in an office and freelance from home most of the time. At home I try and do a little every day but there are absolutely days where I don't achieve very much. I set myself small goals profesionally and also for domestic chores (e.g. load the dishwasher) to break things down and make them more manageable. The money is not great and to be 100% honest the only way I manage is because my DP is able to deal with the lion's share of our bills. But it's worth it to be able to manage my sugar levels and also feel like I'm clawing some of my life back (energy to see friends etc) when diabetes has taken so much away.

I'm horrified by some of the attitudes towards chronic illness on here. If you don't believe the OP just cannot work, then you are not ill enough to empathise.

Was in similar boat to you OP. Started working for myself, chose my hours, which meant I was always living hand to mouth, but I was physically suffering less. That was the decision I made.

Then I met DH. It helped to have two incomes, I had DC + carried on choosing work hours and now I still suffer from chronic illness but I feel much more in control of it.

Side note but re: people saying working hours are too long in the UK, I dont think they are as bad as some other countries. In Paris, office workers above a junior position rarely leave work before 7pm, and working until 8. 30pm is not at all unusual.

Of course they are entitled to more days off too, so swings and roundabouts really.

In fact being awarded things like a blue badge and PIP without having to appeal (which I was expecting to) made me realise how ill I was/am.

Getting a blue badge was a massive low for me, being given my own Wellbeing officer was another. But, she's been incredibly helpful, has organised a clicker lifeline so I can get immediate help, and a keysafe, so they can get in, applying for a Carer's allowance for DD2, and organising a benefits check. I've accepted I need all this now, and it's helped me feel safer being at home.

I couldn't work. I physically couldn't do it, anything other than basic shuffling round the house is beyond me now. If you have asthma, and you can do that, fabulous - you're obviously not as sick as I am. Same with diabetes, just because you manage to do X doesn't mean everyone else can. My GP once said he'd rather have AIDS than diabetes, as it can be better managed now.

Runninglulu you're my hero

OP you have my genuine sympathy.
As an intelligent ambitious cancer survivor it is SOO unbelievably frustrating to repeatedly have your body/health hold you back.
I get what you're saying about adequate rest, I get so sick of having to pace myself /ration energy levels.
I have an internal argument where I attempt to tell myself to get a grip (product of a fucked up background - long story). But I now KNOW that those that can do and those that can't don't.
Sorry your post went a bit shitty on you. Take care x

I agree with you OP. For different reasons I don't think I could cope in a full time job. I can cope in 3 part time jobs (and have done) but 1 job doing the same thing day in, day out for someone else, beginning and ending the day exhausted? Fuck that. You get one life, if you're managing on your self employed work then why do you have to "try harder"? If you're not managing then is there a workaround that will allow you to earn a bit more without exhausting yourself?