To think some people just aren't suited or able to hold down a full time job?

[differentstrokes16]

I'm one of those people, sadly. Unemployable in terms of not able to last in a full time job. I have an autoimmune disorder, chronic fatigue and mental health issues. I work for myself now, take rest when I need to. Lack of adequate rest makes me feel like absolute shit and triggers my anxiety problems, and when prolonged I develop depression. I can't manage the expected hours of a full time job and take care of cooking and basic laundry. I don't even have kids to look after. This all makes me feel unbelievably pathetic.

So I work for myself, but am always skint and running out of savings. I'm at a bit of a loss to know what to do. There must be others in similar situations, who aren't able to work full time? What do they do? What's a good solution?

I feel for you op
I thought I'd lose my job once when I had several periods of illness due to being overtired
As it happens I am in a particularly bad spell of insomnia and I am already wondering how I will manage next week, lack of sleep triggers my IBS

Then after that we have really busy phase at work so I have to ask myself, should I ask for short notice time off in order to get into better shape for the busy phase?

My boss - and previous ones - have said they are okay with a good performing employee who has a higher level of sickness than most because it's better than an average employee who is always around "being distinctly average" as one boss put. In terms of cost I can see that.

However one reason I scrimp and save for early retirement is that I cannot see this getting better, though having some work at home days helps.

I feel for you. Btw do you do the thing of changing baNK accounts etc when they offer £100 to do so? Those things are really worth doing. it's like £100 for twenty minutes paperwork. My sister thinks it's crazy but she doesn't get ill and doesn't want to retire.

I used to work 4 days in the office and one day at home. I got all my work done in 4 days by basically doing the 5th day in a few hours every evening on the other 4 and then when I was at home id lay in bed all day and just leave my phone by my head and hope noone would call!
I had a young baby and found it so so hard to cope full time. I now work 5 full days but feel like I'm pushing myself. Before dd I was absolutely fine but I've had anxiety problems and constant lack of sleep since she was born and she's 3 now.

I totally understand as over the years of working full-time although it was much easier when I was younger by the time I was in my mid to late thirties the toll was beginning to set in and I was getting anxiety and depression.

Since ds was born I work from home I really do not think I could cope with the demands of full-time outside of the house and a child.

It is so much easier to work from home as I can pace it and although I work as hard as possible I certainly don't believe I could work as hard as I used to when younger.

You have my sympathies and support op.

Earning more per hour is something I'm working on, to get more money squeezed from the hours I'm able to work.

Then if I ever am in a position to afford it I will get a cleaner, even a few hours a week and get food shopping delivered! Heaven.

I only do the bare minimum cleaning wise now but I simply have to prioritise where my energy goes.

You only have so much energy / time.

dont beat yourself up over not having more. Could you ask for help? Family / friends to help in the house at all? It's only the same as your family providing childcare to enable mum to work. They might be enabling you to work an extra day so you get more money.

OP you were always going to get twats posting on your thread, unfortunately.

Case in point; the poster interrogating you about your motives for posting.

Don't give them head space.

These threads are akin to pissing contests. If you had a sore arm, someone's arm would have fallen off but they still work 1200 hours a week, raise 19 children and clean a 62 bedroom house.

It makes them feel better, even knowingly making you feel worse. Do you really think they deserve your attention?

Fuck them. You don't need that.

Oh, one thing that I've found helpful - reflecting on this a little more - is accepting that there are certain tasks that at times I find hard. And I might not think that they "ought" to be hard for me to do, other people might not find them hard, I might find them easy at other times, but that I find them hard right now none the less. Trying to avoid the cycle of beating myself up because I find something hard makes a difference to my own well being.

Why is everyone giving runningLulu such a hard time? She has made very valid points, OP. If you don't like what she says - well, such is the risk of posting on a public chat room. When I see people being referred to as "fuckwits" because they've proffered a different opinion, one that challenges an OP, it makes my head spin.

Sorry your having such a shit time op. I have no health problems, a very supportive DH and I've only just started working full time. It's local, and we have an AuPair

I honestly find it exhausting. We've ditched the cleaner as she was shit.

Working FT is bloody hard anyway and you have my utmost sympathy

OP, you are struggling very clearly. Are you receiving the best medical help currently available? Diabetes is a shit disease but shouldn't be causing you to be unable to work if it is properly controlled and managed.

Are you receiving any support and medical care for your CFS and depression? I suspect with more support you might feel much better and be able to do more whether that more is work, exercise or any other thing you like.

"Oh, one thing that I've found helpful - reflecting on this a little more - is accepting that there are certain tasks that at times I find hard. And I might not think that they "ought" to be hard for me to do, other people might not find them hard, I might find them easy at other times, but that I find them hard right now none the less. Trying to avoid the cycle of beating myself up because I find something hard makes a difference to my own well being."

Stonebird, this is exactly what I have at the back of my mind all day. I get pissed off at myself because I find it hard and it "shouldn't" be.

Frankly, if people are managing to do more than you, there's every chance they're not as badly off as you!

They're not stronger. They're probably just not suffering as much.

If you post on AIBU then you'll receive a variety of opinions, some agreeing with you, some not. It's unfair to then get aggressive if you don't hear exactly what you want to hear from every single poster.

I have Crohns Disease, anxiety and depression. I also work full time in a stressful job as the main wage earner. It's hard, but I have no choice. It's that or not be able to afford to eat.

Everyone does what they have to do to live. There is no right or wrong answer.

I have very good medical teams, they are fantastic.

Unfortunately I have problems with stress hormones affecting diabetes. I also have delayed stomach emptying at times when my gastroparesis is really bad, so that means absorption of food is really erratic.

I can eat or not eat and still will be hyperglycaemic without very careful management. To get decent blood sugar within range, and so feel well, the diabetes has to be the priority.

What's your skill set OP?

Seems to me from a purely practical perspective you need to work smarter not harder, so as you say you maximise your earning potential. There are ways to do this.

I did a full on massively stressful job for a long time. It really doesn't suit everyone like Nicki said. I work exclusively from home now, earn a lot more but am much happier in life. I wish I'd thought more flexibly sooner rather than just blindly following the social norm. It took a major bout of health issues to make me look at life in a different way.

I'm certainly going to teach my kids there are other ways to achieve the same outcome.

Waltermitty - I asked op why she posted in AIBU. Not why she posted at all.

Why is it any of your business where a random poster chooses to post?

It's about knowing your limits, working to improve them where possible (ie better treatments, outsourcing domestic stuff, following research into your own conditions and trying to change your lifestyle to improve your conditions - diet, sleep, medication whatever) - and ensuring you top up with any benefits you are entitled to. That's what people do. Or they accept that to a certain extent they overdo it and put up with the consequences (pain, exhaustion etc)

It's a very individual thing. Most people are juggling all the time to improve their limitations so that they can work out a way to do more - or work smarter - or they get to the point where they recognize their limitations and sort their life out around them.

I'm not quite sure what the question is - if people can't work full time, they either do and suffer, or they don't and accept that's the way it is, claiming benefits as appropriate. But you know this. So I assume you just want to vent and have some sympathy. Sure. That must suck op. But there are people in full time work who have the same issue (too much month left at the end of the money) - are you asking a financial question? How can i manage on less money? There are great threads for that in the credit crunch section. Or housekeeping question? How can I make it easier on myself to keep up with housework/ laundry due to chronic conditions? HT's a thread for that too.
This one is a bit of a mix. What are you trying to manage? Your conditions? Your hiusework? Your finances? or just get some sympathy because you are feeling low about everything? (That's ok too!)
Slagging people off who are dealing with their conditions (when they are telling you how they manage, which is what you asked) is bitchy and unnecessary. They deserve just as much sympathy as you do.

Don't post in aibu if you can't take anyone having a different opinion to yours.

I'm not getting aggressive because "I'm not hearing exactly what I want to hear".

I got aggressive because some people don't appear to be hearing me AT ALL.

Look - my saying "I cannot do that" in NO WAY invalidates the struggle and accomplishment of somebody else, with a different set of circumstances, who CAN do it. It being full time work.

However, it still doesn't mean I can do it.

I get tired of people saying "it's either that or not eat" or "I have no choice. Trust me, if it ever gets that close to the wire for me, where I won't be able to eat if I can't fulfill 40+ hours a week - guess what, I STILL WON'T BE ABLE TO DO IT. Not without becoming seriously ill.

I'm unfazed by people having a different opinion to me. But it doesn't mean I will let simplistic bullshit go unchallenged.

My kids are not young anymore but I choose to work 70% as it is better for my mental health. Even in my early 20s I found full-time working very hard.

Erm I never slagged off anyone for coping with a condition

That is complete bullshit. Stop trying to put words in my mouth.

The job market these days is very hard on people with fluctuating conditions, although there are exceptions - my employer has kept on a colleague with health issues who has had long periods of (severe) illness, has worked partly from home etc.

My DH was made very ill by the bullying culture/ batshit boss (I don't use that description lightly) in his last salaried job. He won't ever do salaried work again. He has changed careers and is now doing well as his own boss. If he feels unwell, he cuts back on his work commitments. We fortunately don't rely on his income, but even if we did, I'd rather we were worse off than have DH in hospital again.

I think you need to read your posts back, OP - they're very aggressive.

You can feel sick of me saying it's either me work or not be able to eat, but it's the truth. I often get through work by taking codeine, having had no sleep, and rushing off to the toilet when the diarrhoea hits. This is my truth, and it's no less valid than yours.